Our 20 year old son is thinking of returning to college in the spring after a disastrous experience his freshman year. He was a straight A student in elementary school, but in middle school he started not doing writing assignments. He never indicated that it was anything other than being lazy. He still managed to get into a competitive high school magnet program, where he excelled in the math classes but was hit or miss in everything else. In English classes he rarely turned in a written assignment, but passed because he aced finals. He got a D in AP English but managed to get a 4 on the AP exam. He was NSMF, but didn’t make finalist due to his grades. It looked like lack of effort was the culprit. He went to Temple University with a nice scholarship, and seemed to be looking forward to it. He ended up passing 3 classes for the year (Physics, Calculus 2, and Acting). The others he dropped or failed. He never gave us any indication he was struggling until the end of the second semester.
We had him tested by an educational psychologist that summer, and it was revealed that he had a disability in written communication. He was in the top 1-2 percent in every other area. I can sympathize, because the same thing happened to me with algebra. After a year and a half of sporadic work, he is looking at a return spring semester. We think McDaniel College would be a good fit, and he agrees. We are hopeful that they will be willing to give him a second chance. They have a scholarship for children of educators, which his freshman year grades technically disqualify him from. However, we are hopeful that 1) they take into account that he had an undiagnosed disability; and 2) his test scores and performance in advanced math classes demonstrate immense potential. There are no guarantees, though, and we can’t pretend the disastrous freshman year never happened.
Yes. My advice is to go slow. Concentrate on things that are succeeding, don’t let him take too many classes at once, and don’t worry about how long it takes. Don’t worry about grades as long as he is passing and progressing. Don’t hang your head in shame, and don’t let him do so — life is hard, and we try and try again. A smaller school is a good idea. If he doesn’t get in to McDaniel, investigate starting with some online schools with connections to brick-and-mortar schools. You want him to succeed. If he can volunteer or work p/t at something he loves and is good at, that’s a plus. You need to have access to his grades and don’t be afraid to have him live at home. You aren’t a helicopter, you’re the backstop. Mine did graduate, and has a lovely job in their field. I couldn’t imagine it at the time, but it did, in fact, happen and it can happen for you, too.
There is a book entitled “The Myth of Laziness” that might be helpful.
Now that the problem is identified, your son’s high potential may be more fully realized. Documentation of testing will get him accommodations that will enable him to do his best, hopefully.
Any reason why he can’t return to Temple? Does he still have that scholarship?
My eldest ended up having some mental health issues her sophomore year and took a semester off. During that time, she took 1 hybrid course at local state college with some online, some onsite instruction. She got some local professional supports. When she returned to school, she did very well. She is now entering her senior year and is set to graduate on time. She did not loose her scholarship but I did make the school aware of her struggles.
I think the advi e by greebutton to go slow is a good one. Although you kniw your child best.
Most school offer tutoring and emotional supports, nirmaluze seeking help, there is nothing wrong with that. Having any disability can be challenging. Encourage your son to utilize the supports available to him. Stay connected to get an idea how he is doing. I use Snapchat to connect regularly with each other.
If he is really set on switching schools go for it. He should write a solid essay addressing his first year and disability. I read it in these Forums and it really does appear to bear some truth that transfer students get less aide/scholarship (my situation with child #2). I say hope for the best and plan for the worse.
@TicaMom, we live in MD. Temple is definitely a no go.
He can find out when he visits if the Educational Legacy scholarship is a possibility. His younger brother could have gone to McDaniel for.the same or less than in state schools. The main thing is that it could be a good match with the support they provide. He really needs to show commitment to making it work. We found out after the fact that he had expressed doubts to counselors about starting at Temple immediately, was into going. He never discussed his misgivings with us; we would have advised holding off.
Big sympathies about your son crashing and burning. Been there, done that.
I fear that any scholarships available to freshman applicants will not be available to your son. Scholarships are in large part a marketing tool; McDaniel does not need to market to your son. It’s worth a try,maybe, but don’t count on scholarship dollars for transfers.
I agree with you that a small school might be better for your son, but if you/he can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. What state schools are available? If he was living at home or near home, it would be easier for you to set up a support system for him.
The scholarship in question is available to transfers. It may or may not be available for our son. If it’s not available to him now he’ll have to go to CC and get his grades up, presuming he wants to go to McDaniel.
He’s set to visit McDaniel in a couple of weeks. If he’s admitted, he gets the scholarship. He talked with admissions rep on the phone last week; she told him that she normally wouldn’t recommend that someone with his college record apply, but that his situation is different. Part of his visit will be a meeting with Accessibility Services. He also has an admission interview and a customized visit.
Has your son considered going to MC (Montgomery College) and then transferring?
Our daughter (technically very “smart”) but needing some maturity, executive functioning skills, etc decided to go there. She did what was advised above - go slow. She didn’t take too many classes (usually 10ish credits. 9 her very first semester), etc while working 10-12 hours a week. She focused on school and didn’t have to worry about roommates (she lives at home), etc. She “eased” into college. She “loves” MC (her word, not mine) and they have a lot of support services.
She just started her 3rd year, has learned a lot, matured and grown an incredible amount, and is looking for a place to transfer next year. We think it may take her another 3 to graduate, but that is her path.
@RookieCollegeMom, he says he’ll consider MC if he doesn’t get into McDaniel. He’s almost finished his application, and the visit went very well. The level of support offered is amazing (although the highest level does cost a little extra). I think his odds are pretty good for getting into McDaniel at this point.
I assume you had a neuropsychologist make the diagnosis. Did s/he make any recommendations for accommodations? Extra time, coaching, tutoring, computer assistance?
Laziness is clearly not the issue, but perhaps some reasonable accommodations for success?
What’s commutable from your home? You know your son best, but sometimes, it can be really good to start slow, live at home, and build up to a full time return.
There are recommendations for accomodations, and he has met with the disabilities office at McDaniel. Having him at home hasn’t been great for any of us; part of the reason I suggested that he check out McDaniel is that he can get a high level of support without having to live at home. He’s been at home for a year and a half, and all three of us are ready for him to be out of the house.
As far as laziness goes, he would be the first to admit that it is part of the problem.
I should have said that, while laziness isn’t the problem with his writing, is does explain the times he just didn’t do assignments that he could have easily finished.
My DS has dyslexia and dysgraphia, not diagnosed until high school. We had to really help him learn to use technology and accommodations. It took a while, for example, for him to learn to dictate. It’s a different process for writing than he learned in school but definitely works much better for him. If there’s any way to start getting use to his needs prior to leaving home, that may be helpful.
My son was diagnosed after a crash-and-burn, and we were able to get a retroactive medical withdrawal from his school. It erased his attendance there - and gave him a clean academic record to have once he was ready to go back to (another) school.
I’ve talked about my oldest’s fairly severe issues that peaked soph year, causing her to lose two quarters of school. She ultimately graduated “on time” (Four years after high school grad). I do think that the best chance for success comes when you have buy-in from the student as far as participation in ongoing mental health treatment, at least discussions with a therapist. I’d make a mental health plan at school a huge priority.
We found the disability office at her school to be fairly helpful in providing accommodations. Apart from the depression and anxiety, she had some underlying learning disabilities.There was some equipment she got access to, and they helped set up a plan with professors. I would have loved to see closer attention paid to her case, but there are many students struggling and the resources are just not there. I think they did the best they could.
I made a point of staying on top of her situation to the extent that I could with her being a couple thousand miles away. It made a difference in my opinion.
Fast forward, she 's graduated and happily married. Doing okay, adulting for the most part.