Anyone want to critque my essay on personal background?

<p>I've come a long way with this essay, and I can't stop looking over it, so I need some advice!

Things I want comments on or if I'm on the right track</p>

<p>-Am I bragging too much? If so, how do I convey the important points but still say I have those important qualities?</p>

<p>-Does my essay kind of get off track at times with random sentences, or does it still flow well? </p>

<p>-Do I need to talk more about how the event changed me?</p>

<p>-Is it too long? 955 words, but I can't find too many places to bring it down 200 words.</p>

<p>Forget the comments, I just want general advice.</p>

<p>i'd like to help. PM me :)</p>