Anyone want to read/critique my UCLA/Berkeley essay?

<p>Whoever's up for giving me solid and constructive criticism on my essays, please feel free to post below so I can PM you. I encourage you to be as critical as possible, as long as your advice is constructive and makes sense. Also, I'll only send it to people under these categories:</p>

<p>-You must be in college or beyond. That means no HS students please! I'm sure you may have good advice but I want critique from people who have already gone through the college app process.
-You must have a reasonable amount of posts/not a very recent join date. That means if you have 2 posts and you created your account this morning, please don't bother posting! This is for privacy reasons.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>