Anyone willing to critique my UC prompt #1 essay?

<p>I'm not very confident that my content is even appropriate for the prompt, so I would like the reviews as soon as is possible in case I need to completely rewrite. I need some really critical feedback, as critical as possible, so spare no suggestions. Just post here and I can PM or e-mail it to you. Thanks!</p>

<p>Hi, you can pm it to me if you like but I'm applying to UC as well so understand if you don't want to. :)</p>