<p>They're not that great, so I need advice from experienced writers.</p>
<p>I'm not asking you to do it for me, or change things for me;</p>
<p>I'm just asking what you think is good, what I should change, etc.</p>
<p>And preferably, maybe an adult?</p>
<p>I will as long as they're essays for schools other than Andover, Deerfield, and Exeter :-)</p>
<p>I can do it. :) I'm currently a college sophomore, so no worries.
PM?</p>
<p>i will, my essay writing skills won me a competition for 3000 dollars
PM me :]</p>
<p>Yeah, sure!</p>
<p>I'd be happy too... my Mom is a writer actually, so I'm sure she'd be happy to look over it as well.</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>Im finished..if you trust me you can send it over. If not then..o well lol. But ya im done with mine, I'd be happy to read it. 10 grade currently.</p>
<p>I'll do it.</p>
<p>I'm a Mom here. B.A. in English. And my son isn't letting me proof any of his, so I feel useless.</p>
<p>haha, thanks guys for your help! :D </p>
<p>Some of the ones that I think are quite good are all hand-written, so the ones I'm sending in would need to be fixed. I'm trying to get different point of views, so I think this is great!</p>
<p>Also, I wouldn't want my parents to read mine either >.></p>
<p>Haha! Notnim, that's hilarious... I'm afraid I'm guilty of that as well, but OH WELL. Momma will just have to wait and proof read the ACCEPTANCE letters from Andover and Exeter, =].</p>
<p>sure i'll read, i'm good at editing (:
send it over</p>
<p>Me too! (:</p>
<p>bump*</p>
<p>Who's online now?</p>
<p>OK, here is some constructive criticism =)</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Watch your conjunctions. Formal essays should never include conjunctions.</p></li>
<li><p>Watch your verb tenses. There was this sentence at the beginning, "Then they started inviting other students who’ve never gone before and left them with the same curiosity as me." First of all, of course, there is a conjunction, and it is not in the correct tense. Rather than "have" which is not true as the events in your essay are in the past and they now have gone, you should use "had." Watch little things like that.</p></li>
<li><p>Watch your subject-verb agreement. The sentence "There was activities and challenges awaiting us, reconciliation, skits performed by previous campers, and a revitalization of our lives" has an incorrect use of was. Because there is more than one thing being referenced, you should use the word "were."</p></li>
<li><p>You may want to strengthen your essay through the use of more diverse vocabulary. This, in turn, will give your essay a bigger impact. Impact is really important, and that brings me to my next point.</p></li>
<li><p>It is immensely important that your essay impacts the reader from the very first sentence. Otherwise, the essay will not be memorable and fade into obscurity when it comes time for a final review of applicants. Because of this, I would advise you to restructure your essay into an introduction, body paragraph/s, and conclusion (where you introduce no new information and focus more on isolating the impact that the camp had on your life).</p></li>
</ol>
<p>As for your second extended answer, it is better, but you still need to watch out for those conjunctions.</p>
<p>Hope this was helpful!</p>
<p>I graduated a boarding school in NE. I am more than happy to read and make comments on it.</p>
<p>send it to my email instead: <a href="mailto:jaewon07@hotmail.com">jaewon07@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p>Title that "My Essay" so I know its not spam. I can tell you what's good and what's bad</p>