Hi I’d like some help and thoughts on my appeal to UCSB. I have a 3.7 GPA and a 1770 SAT score. Here’s my essay:
Dear Admission Review Committee,
It is to my dismay to find out that I was denied admission to UCSB. After going over my application once again, I realized that my application may not have seemed as strong as it could have possibly been due to lack of extracurricular activities throughout my high school career. I am writing this letter in order to clarify my circumstances over these past four years of high school and to ask the admission’s office to please reconsider my application. Allow me to reintroduce myself; I am Alan Ngo, the student who spent a majority of high school helping to keep his family financially stable while also attempting to maintain his grades and participate in opportunities beyond the classroom. My father is a gardener who did not employ many people to work under him yet with his age it became harder for him to work. Being the only one left out of the three kids he raised, I was put to work after I turned fourteen and I worked from my freshmen year up until the middle of my senior year. Most of my days were busy and exhausting. On weekdays, class would go from 9 AM to about 3:30 PM. Shortly after, I would go home and get ready to work with my dad, which went from about 4 PM to 7 PM or even longer depending on how much work he needed done that day. On weekends, I worked from 7 AM to 12 PM on Saturday and had Sundays off. Work and school took up most of my life at that point leaving little to no time for any other activities or even tutoring for my classes. At times, I’ve felt immense stress and frustration from juggling both my classes and family duties however, my situation, though unfortunate, has caused me to gain invaluable work experiences with my father, a tenacious attitude, and an unyielding work ethic. My family has accepted my decision to attend college away from home, and my father has since been looking for replacements to work alongside him. Although I can leave knowing that my parents can live without me, I wish to stay relatively close to San Diego to support my family in any way I can. Being only a four hour commute away, UCSB has permanently wedged itself into my mind as the perfect school for me. I believe with my persistent work ethic and this newly-attained freedom to focus solely on school that I would thrive at a campus as alive and opportunity-filled as UCSB. I do not believe that the particulars of my high school career, such as number of extracurricular activities and GPA, fully reflect my capabilities. In relation to other students, I’m inadequate in participation and my grades are average. Nevertheless, I challenged myself by taking college level classes through my junior and senior year. In addition to that, since I stopped working, I have been able to put more time into my passion for dance in hopes of competing, got the chance to teach some kids at my Boys and Girls Club, and I am still looking for more opportunities to apply myself. If admitted, I intend to make full use of my experience at UCSB; there is an abundance of clubs, resources, and classes that I can utilize. UCSB is truly a great environment for me to explore my passions and achieve academic success. My personal working life with my father does not have a set place on the UC application, but I think that it has impacted me in a significant way and should be considered. I realize that the UCSB admissions office has thoughtfully reviewed my application and I acknowledge that my rejection wasn’t a “mistake.” I do, however, ask that the committee please take this new information into account and possibly review me as a potential student once more. The time taken to reevaluate my application and understand my situation is greatly appreciated. I hope not to be denied the chance to pursue a first-rate education and success at UCSB!
Sincerely,
Alan Ngo
bump
Successful appeals are few and far between. You need to bring something new to light that wasn’t reflected in your application. Perhaps a significant award or philanthropic accomplishment. Keep it short and smack them in the face with the new info.
Good luck.
I probably wouldn’t say this bluntly; it might give the AOs a negative impression of you.
“In relation to other students, I’m inadequate in participation and my grades are average”
Too long, and needs to be short and to the point. Is there anything new? They’ve already filled their class, so it will be hard to appeal their rejection.
I did not include the part about working with my father in my application, it’s what kept me from involving myself more in school.
You do realize that an appeal will MAYBE get you on the waitlist? Then, if an accepted student, of your gender and similar stats, declines their admission, you might be considered. It is a very long shot.
Make it a paragraph-not much longer. Short, to the point. They don’t have time to read through the thousands of sob stories they are getting. Don’t whine, plead or exhort. Start off positively and keep it professional. Like:
"Dear Admissions Staff: I just realized that I may have omitted some crucial information in my application materials. When I applied, I neglected to mention my work schedule. I currently work for the family business to help sustain the family’s finances. I have worked as my father’s assistant gardener for 25 to 30 hours per week throughout my high school career. This has been my major activity to help the family. Thank you for your consideration. "
Charley Green Thumb
Thank for the help i actually did shorten it quite a bit
Good luck! Honestly, I would have a friend or teacher (maybe you know someone who works for a college paper or who works in journalism) just go in with a hatchet.
Keep in mind that when a UC asks students on the waitlist to write a short (1 paragraph) blurb on why they deserve a spot still, those are the students who already have a fighting chance at snagging a last minute spot. Time-wise, they may not have the patience or bandwidth to read a full-sized essay.
Also, I would keep the essay as business-like as possible. Don’t let them know that you’re really upset or disappointed. Sell yourself, reiterate how YOU can help THEM, take out details of your personal life, and politely explain how you have continued to excel or take steps toward succeeding post-high school.