<p>I can already tell it’s not very good but could someone offer me some advice on what I can take out and add or change. Please and thank you very much!</p>
<p>"Respected UC San Diego Appeals Committee,
I write to you in hopes that what I write in this letter will aid you in your decision to perhaps reverse your original decision of my admission to your institution. I am the kind of student that UC San Diego needs. I understand that it is unlikely that you will reverse your original decision but I have to give it one more shot as I lose nothing from trying.
When I saw my rejection letter on the UC San Diego admissions site, I was devastated but I still had a bit of hope inside me. That hope told me I must appeal as all I can gain is the knowledge that I know I tried.
I’ll be the first to admit that my high school academic record is not up to the average academic standards of UC San Diego. I can offer a mediocre array of why I was not able to show my true academic potential but I have one which I believe can offer at least some explanation for my poor academic performance.
My grades reflect the emotional and mental disturbances I was going through each year I was in high school. By my transcript, one could tell I wasn’t at a very good point in my life my freshman and junior year. During my freshman year, my parents separated. All of a sudden, 14 and a half years of a “happy” family just went down the drain. Neither could afford to move out so they still live together and one can only imagine daily life for a family in which the parents with short temper can barely be civil. I was able to overcome the difficult circumstances in my sophomore year. Bad times hit again in my junior year when my father lost his job at which he had been working for the last 16 years. A week later after losing his job, desperate for a job, he took a night job working at a chocolate factory. My father is 43 but has the health of a 60 year old as he has worked non stop since the age of 11. The transition of going from a day job to a night job was not easy on him and he did not have the patience to deal with 4 kids and an angry ex-wife. The effects of him getting a new job brought even more tension into the house which caused us all (especially me) emotional and mental stress. I could not function the way I wanted academically as my life situation troubled me everywhere I went. As the oldest sibling, it was my job to look after my siblings when my parents completely shut down to the point where they were in a trance. It sometimes felt as I were the adult and my parents were children. Life at home has gotten better after my intervention from outside people and my senior has been my best academic year in high school.
It was not until rising senior summer that I finally gained the courage, the courage that had been beaten out of me in the past, to stand up to my parents and convince them to let me participate in school events as it was too late to do sports. I was finally able to attend off-campus events that some of the clubs I was in required. Through these clubs I have done over 30 hours of volunteering (I am third place for the most volunteer hours out of 60 members in Key Club). By volunteering, I have seen what just a little bit of input my volunteering has on the community. Seeing people work together for a common cause fills me up with hope that one day I can do something just as great. I have done a lot of self discovering since I submitted my application to your institution, and I realized that I really have no idea what major I want to pursue in college. I realized that whatever profession it is I choose to pursue, I hope it’s a profession though which I can help people. people like me, disadvantaged people, people who are in need. I believe that the politically radical atmosphere on UC San Diego and the diversity of students can influence my political and worldly views.
Perhaps my letter was not enough to change your original decision of my admittance but I do hope it has offer some insight into the person type of person I am. Whichever university I do end up attending, I know I will receive an outstanding education as I will ensure to take advantage of every opportunity given to me. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my appeal.
Yours sincerely, "</p>