Appeal Letter-Need help :)

This is a very rough draft of this and I would like to make sure I am going in the right direction with this. I have read a few letters on here and read peoples constructive criticism about the letter and tried to take the advice of others. I tried to get some positive stuff in my first paragraph then the second the negative then tried for positive again in the next paragraph. I know the first sentence might seem somewhat negative with my car accident but I wanted to let them know I was going out to school when this happened and I wasn’t out partying or something but I wanted to I guess try to let them know I am dedicated to school not sure if it’s a good idea though let me know please I feel really iffy on this part and doesn’t seem right to me. Let me know what I could possibly put in this first part to replace it if possible.

Dear Financial Aid Committee,

I started here in August of 2016 though I was in a car accident in September of 2016 while I was going out to school and it left me paraplegic which I had to fully withdraw from the 2016-2017 school year I returned the following year to continue my education. I did excellent in the fall getting on the deans list though the spring semester I faced a few different challenges in meeting my own goals for success as a student. However, over the last few months I have improved significantly to allow me to position myself to again become a successful student here at the college.

There were a few major financial issues that impacted my ability to be a successful here at the college, first being my wife rolled our only vehicle totally it driving back from while in a bad snow storm. She was unable to work so I had to get a job. Also, in the beginning of February we were hit with a levy which left us in a very bad financial situation especially after her car accident. This greatly affected my success and made it very difficult on me especially being paraplegic not only did this affect my school performance, but it also affected my work performance trying to maintain the two.

Since the end of spring of 2018, my wife is back to work completely, and we have gotten our past bills caught up and fully expect to be in a better position financially then last fall by the time the fall semester arrives. Having federal financial aid is a very important component needed to complete this process successfully. Upon meeting with an academic advisor, I have developed a student success plan and will be meeting with my advisor multiple times a semester to review things and make sure I am on track. Also, I have continued to work throughout the summer setting aside money as well as my wife in case a situation arises again where my she is unable to work. I greatly enjoy what I am majoring in and feel like this is exactly where I need to be at and without having something major happen in my life that I would do excellent in my current major.

I sincerely hope that this appeal shows that I am dedicated to being a successful student here at the college. Please do not use only my past as a barometer for my success in the future. There have been many steps done over the past few months to ensure my success going forward and I firmly believe that I am truly deserving of the lifting of my financial aid suspension. Also, I would like to thank you for reviewing my appeal.

Its too long, starts with (and has many subsequent) long, run on sentences, then followed by one with a grammatical error (you did well, or excellently, not “did excellent”) Can you start by cleaning that up?

Keep it simple & to the point. Include copies of anything that supports your claims…doctors, insurance, levy paperwork, etc. Include a copy of your academic plan, too.

Okay so I think I got most the errors out grammar is not my strong suit also shortened it down but let me know.

Dear Financial Aid Committee,

I am appealing my financial aid termination. I did well in the fall getting on the deans list though the spring semester I faced a few different challenges in meeting my own goals for success as a student. However, over the past five months I have improved my situation significantly to allow me to position myself to again become a successful student here at the college.

There were a few challenges that impacted my ability to be successful in school, first being my wife rolled our only vehicle driving back from while in a bad snow storm. She was unable to work so I had to get a job. Also, in the beginning of February we were hit with a levy so after my wife’s accident it worsened our financial situation even more.

Since the end of spring 2018, my wife has returned to work completely and we have gotten our past bills caught up. I have continued to work throughout the summer setting aside money as well as my wife in case a situation arises again where she is unable to work. Also, I met with my advisor and I have developed a student success plan and will be meeting with my advisor multiple times a semester to review how things are going.

I sincerely hope that this appeal shows that I am highly motivated to be a successful student here at the college. There have been many steps taken over the last five months but also that I am continuing to do to ensure my success going forward. I firmly believe that I am truly deserving of the lifting of my financial aid termination. Also, I would like to thank you for reviewing my appeal.

Awkward.

This reads like you are setting aside your wife. Plus…I’m not sure why this is relevant to an academic AppleTalk issue.

Really? So what are the many steps you have taken? What exactly have you already DONE beside meet with your advisor?