Are my parents being too strict on where I should go?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I want to transfer from a community college to a 4-year school after 1 year at community college. A few of my options are in Florida but my mom thinks it is too far away from where I live (I live in NJ). She thinks I'm still immature in some way. Another reason why my mom won't let me go to florida is because if I move that far away, and if something bad happens over there, she's worried that she won't be able to help me. She told me that her definition of far away is more than 2 hours of driving.</p>

<p>I really really wanna study in Florida Tech because not only it has the major I'm looking for but also because Florida Tech has a particular collegiate flight training program that I want to enroll in.</p>

<p>How can I convince my parents to let me go to Florida? Please help me!!!</p>

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<p>ktsai91, are you a HS sr going to a jr. college next year? If you are, you have time on your side. You don’t have to convince your parents yet. Start at the JC and do well. They will hopefully notice that you’re becoming an adult who can make rational decisions. Don’t create problems for yourself.</p>

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<p>I’m already enrolled at community college.</p>

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<p>Well…we insisted that our kids attend colleges that were either a three hour or less one way drive from here…or within one hour of a close family member or friend. We had the same reason as your mom…we wanted someone to be available closeby in the event of an emergency. DS went to school 2 1/2 hours away. DD went across the country in a town very close to a good friend.</p>

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<p>Is your mom right about you being immature?</p>

<p>If yes, what can you do to become more mature?</p>

6

<p>Most students go to colleges within 2 hours of their home. I don’t think that what your mother is suggesting is unreasonable. If you want to move farther away, you can do it when you get a job or go to grad school.</p>

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<p>I don’t think she’s being reasonable in requiring that you go to college within a 2 hour driving distance unless for some reason you’re in frequent need of her to come to where you’ll be which isn’t likely unless you have some chronic illness or something. Even if you have maturity issues, which just might be an excuse your mom is giving, you’ll likely have them whether you’re 2 hours away or 8 hours away. </p>

<p>Most colleges have hospitals within a reasonable radius if need be, many have hospitals or clinics on-site, and in reality, few college students need their mommas to come take care of them frequently if at all. Given that, that argument doesn’t hold water unless you have a chronic illness your mom is needed to help with.</p>

<p>This is most likely about her wanting to just keep you close or possibly just to make it more convenient for her which is understandable but not reasonable IMO. There’s a chance it could be related to traveling cost as well depending on how restrictive she is.</p>

<p>If she’s paying your way then she can force the point if she wants. I think you need to outline clearly why you want to go to the particular school you have in mind, why you think there isn’t a college within a 2 hour radius that you feel would meet what you’re looking for, what resources are available nearby the college in an emergency (hospitals, clinic), and logistics of traveling back and forth to home including options (plane, train, automobile) and costs. You could mitigate the costs by getting an on-campus or near-campus job to pay for your own transportation between home and college including paying for the moves back home for summer. This will show her you’re serious, responsible, and taking an mature approach. Just make sure you follow through with the job and covering the costs if she consents to it.</p>

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<p>Excellent post above- #7, pay attention to it. Note ALL points, not just the opening one. You need to present a good case for needing to go where you wish to.</p>

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<p>OP,</p>

<p>I will give you advice from both a student and parent POV.</p>

<p>As a parent, I say that if your parents are funding your education and supporting you, you should try to respect their rules as much as possible. Parents tend to have very good judgment regarding their children, meaning there must be a valid reason your mother does not think you are ready to move that far away. If my son had not yet proven himself capable of taking on the responsibilities of moving far away, there is no way I would pay non-resident tuition to “test the waters” of his self-proclaimed ability.</p>

<p>As a student, I would suggest you exhaust every other option out there. Surely there are schools closer to you that offer the opportunities you are looking for. I’m not trying to encourage you to settle. I’m merely suggesting you do extensive research before setting your heart on something that will undoubtedly cause conflict with your mother. If, after ruling out every other possible alternative, you just cannot be swayed from FL Tech, then you know what they say…ultimately, it’s your life. If it is your deepest conviction that you need to go to this school, you will find a way.</p>

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<p>Do you think my parents should make decisions for me on where to go to college? I feel I will regret it if I don’t go to a college I want. I’m 18 and I feel 18 year olds can and should make decisions by themselves.</p>

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<p>Do you act like an adult? No tantrums or whining? Don’t expect your mom to solve your problems? Come in at a decent hour? Do you have a part time job and contribute $ to pay for food or a bill? Do you keep your room clean, help clean the house without being asked? Do the laundry for the family, wash a car, do the yard work? In short, do you act like a contributing adult in the household? Maybe if you acted like an adult, she would let you go away.</p>

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<p>If you truly want to show your 18 year old independence then just pick any college you want and pay for it yourself. That should clearly demonstrate your maturity. If on the other hand you are still holding your hand out to your parents for them to financially support and fund your education, you might want to curtail some of your unreasonable ideas of 18 year old independence and get with your parents program. </p>

<p>Perhaps your parents have some reason to be concerned?
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/montclair-state-university/780310-does-montclair-has-some-kind-program-learning-disabled-students.html#post1063247298[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/montclair-state-university/780310-does-montclair-has-some-kind-program-learning-disabled-students.html#post1063247298&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Do your parents object to the major you have chosen, or do they object to flight training, or your propopsed career path, or is it just that Florida Tech is too far away for them?</p>

<p>It is quite expensive to travel between NJ and Florida. A 4 year college and room and board and books and spending money all add up. Out of state tuition is quite expensive. Air fare is expensive. If you drive, gas, wear and tear on the car, hotel rooms, etc all add up as well. Your mother may have financial reasons for preferring you to go to school closer to home.</p>

<p>Are you able to help defray the expenses of going to college in Florida? Are your grades high enough to get a scholarship at Florida Tech? Are future job prospects lucrative enough to support paying back loans if you don’t qualify for scholarships? Do you have meaningful savings to put toward acheiving your dream?</p>

<p>What is different about the program at Florida Tech that sets it apart from flight programs closer to home?</p>

<p>Perhaps you could do a spreadsheet to demonstrate to your mother why this would be a good opportunity for you. Also, research flight programs closer to home and evaluate them each on a rubric (Florida Tech as well)…admissions criteria, cost (both overall and to your family after scholarships and financial aid), educational opportunities, etc. you might surprise yourself as well as your mother by what you discover, and you will demonstrate your growing maturity as well. Why and how does Florida Tech differ from programs to home, what are the differences in costs, and what are the differences in professional outcomes for you (not just a better tan and more fun).</p>

<p>At 18, you are beginning to feel like an adult, but you aren’t completely there yet so the choice is not yet yours alone–as the student, you are certainly entitled to input and choices within reason, but until you are completely independent and self-supporting you aren’t entitled to independently make all of the decisions.</p>

<p>If you want to take flight training and become a pilot, that is your decision, for sure…it is your parents’ decision to decide if they want to pay for it, for sure as well. If they won’t pay for flight training, for whatever reason (too expensive, too far away, the don’t approve of the career path, whatever…)as an adult over 18, you have the option of paying for it yourself–explore ROTC options for undergrad, or complete your 4 year college and enroll in the military afterwards for officer/flight training, etc. Get a job and pay for flight lessons while going to a college your parents will approve of. These are all ways in which you can attain your goal.</p>

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<p>“Do you think my parents should make decisions for me on where to go to college? I feel I will regret it if I don’t go to a college I want. I’m 18 and I feel 18 year olds can and should make decisions by themselves.”</p>

<p>Are you paying for it? If you’re paying for it, then yes, you have the right to make the decision by yourself. </p>

<p>Is she? Then she has the right to put some stipulations on it.</p>

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<p>It’s unfortunate, and I agree parents should not project their own fears in limiting where their adult children go to school, but if they’re paying, they get the deciding vote. Money is power.</p>

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<p>It reminds me of my own journey 40 years ago. I went 3000 miles away and my parents paid, and they did not wish for me to go that far, but they believed that at eighteen I had the right to decide where to go, assuming that the college was a good and reasonable choice. I went to UC Berkeley from New York City, whereas my parents would have preferred a closer school, Boston perhaps. Luckily, in the end my best choices were Wisconsin and Berkeley, so it was going to be a bit of a distance no matter what. </p>

<p>Now as a parent, my son just went to college as a freshman - two hours away in New York. And I am happy he is closer to home, but he has always been more of a homebody than I was. I think if he had really wanted a school in Florida or California, I would have said yes, if it had the kind of programs he really wanted and which were excellent. I think we as parents always assume, often wrongly, that our children are NOT mature. I was convinced that my son (who has been at his college since the first week in August) would come home, would be homesick, would not be able to deal with certain issues - heck he couldn’t even deal with summer camp as a kid! But he is having the time of his life, has a ton of friends, brought four of them over one weekend to sleep on sofas in our living room, and is even doing his laundry! So I think, in general, it’s time to let them fly!</p>

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<p>My guess is your parents will AGREE with this if you are paying all of your own bills!! When you are doing so, you certainly are free to make your own decisions. But if you are asking your parents to pay for part of your college education, you really should understand that you are NOT fully independent from them. And that is that. If you would like to make ALL the decisions…then move out and make all the money you need to go to college.</p>

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<p>Here is the list of schools that I got accepted into in high school but got deferred (or at least I think it got deferred) because I attended CCM:</p>

<p>ERAU-Daytona Beach
SUNY Farmingdale
Dowling College
Marywood University
Daniel Webster College
Fairleigh Dickinson University-College at Florham</p>

<p>Here is a list of schools I might want to apply as a transfer student:</p>

<p>Florida Tech
Rutgers
Montclair State University
William Paterson University
The College of New Jersey</p>

<p>I did some research on costs and I concluded that NJ schools are the cheapest among to go to because I’m from NJ. Suprisingly, I also concluded that Florida Tech is slightly more expensive than my original dream school, ERAU. I also concluded that there are no 4-year schools in NJ with an aviation major (except for Rutgers that has aerospace engineering).</p>

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<p>what does this mean? If you got accepted at those schools but chose to attend another school, you usually can NOT defer enrollment at ANOTHER college. Defering means that you asked the school to hold your acceptance for a year while you did something else (not attend another college). Did you do that?</p>

<p>So…what’s the matter with Rutgers? It has your major…it is the right cost, and it is close enough to home to please your family.</p>

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<p>Or is it the $54,000 plus price tag (which could be much more, depending on the flight hours you would need) that is important?</p>