<p>I agree, Hunt. As I said, the wording was problematical, but the question is not, and I did give my opinion to that, which was not with the majority.</p>
<p>If you know for sure that your parents are financially able (but unwilling) to contribute more than $12K/year to your undergraduate education, then--in my opinion--you are being shafted. On the other hand, if your parents say that they are willing but financially unable to contribute more than $12K/year, then you are probably not being shafted. I say "probably," because it sounds to me that there might be more to your situation than just money. </p>
<p>You mentioned that you are an Only child. I am also an Only, born of two Onlies, and now the parent of an Only. I know a lot about The Game Some Parents Of Only Children Play. It's a nasty, dirty, underhanded, emotionally destructive game involving tangible gifts when Onlies are children, and involving money when Onlies are adults. It is a deliberate attempt by some parents to keep their adult Onlies on a long-term financial string, and therefore, under pervasive long-term parental control. My grandparents played The Game to victimize my newly-married and prematurely mortgage-burdened parents, who, twenty-three years later, played The Game to victimize me when I headed off to college and then graduated buried in educational loan debt which took me eighteen long and lean years to repay (without my parents' promised assistance). I have refused to play The Game with my daughter; however, due to the continuing negative impact of my own educational loan debt, I remain unable to contribute anything to my daughter's college education, and without a (still possible) full-ride, she will graduate with life-crushing debt. </p>
<p>If you accept your parents' offer of undergraduate tuition assistance and future educational loan repayment assistance, then you will be dancing to your parents' tune for the next fourteen years--even longer, if you decide to go to graduate school to upgrade your education. During that time, if you make one "wrong" decision (any decision not to your parents' liking), they will cut off their promised financial assistance, and you'll be left holding the entire educational debt bag.</p>
<p>I agree with BassDad: UF is the wise choice. You said that you were accepted to UF's Honors Program, which will provide you with academic advantages beyond those offered to other UF students. With a full-ride, you will graduate debt-free, which will provide you with flexibility in deciding if and when to attend graduate/pre-professional school (if you work hard at UF, you might attend graduate/pre-professional school on another full-ride), and which will also provide you with time to choose among job offers, as well as the ability to afford to live independently.</p>
<p>Educational loan debt can negatively impact every area of your life, and that negative impact can persist for years after the debt itself is paid off. Debt-free college is the wise choice for you, especially because you are an Only. If your parents are playing The Game (and you must determine whether or not they are doing so), then continued financial dependence upon them will keep you as trapped and powerless as a child. That's no way to live. UF will provide you not only with a good education, but also with the means to avoid becoming a victim of The Game.</p>
<p>For additional information, I suggest you take a look at Pulitzer-nominated journalist Anya Kamenetz's book *Generation Debt: Why Now Is A Terrible Time To Be Young<a href="Riverhead%20Books/Penguin,%202006">/i</a>, which is a no-nonsense examination of burgeoning educational loan debt. </p>
<p>Best Wishes.</p>
<p>While I understand a young person wondering if his/her parents are being <em>fair</em>, I would say that there is no definitive answer to the question. As others have pointed out, there are things you do not know/do not have a right to know about their finances, and parents have differing outlooks on paying for kids in college. But I want to take this a bit further: If you decide your parents are being unfair to you, what do you plan to do with this revelation???? Will you love them less? Will you withhold affection to get back at them? Will you cut yourself off from them after they've contributed their less-than-satisfactory share of your college costs? Will you refuse to let them visit their future grandchildren because they didn't give you as much money as they should have?</p>
<p>What on earth will the answer have to do with anything positive in your life?</p>
<p>When my kids think I'm being unfair, they can come to me and discuss it. Sometimes they might even convince me. Of course, if they begin by accusing me of "shafting" them, the conversation probably won't go very well. But it's possible that the parents in this case haven't really thought the matter through, that they don't actually know what is typical, that they have an outdated idea of what an education costs today, etc. Unless they've issued this as an unalterable decree based on bedrock principle, they may well be willing to discuss it, and maybe discuss it with a financial advisor. Obviously, if the OP wants to bring this up with his parents, he needs to be WAY more diplomatic than he has been here.</p>
<p>I agree that my kids could discuss the issue with me. However, saying "other parents" typically pay more is to me the same as saying, "But everybody else's parents say it's OK!" My response would also be the same: "I'm not everyone else's parent." That's why I feel the OP's question is irrelevant.</p>
<p>I have frequently used the line, "I don't care what other parents do." But the truth is, I do care, to a certain extent, what other parents REALLY do, which is often quite different from what my kids say they do. It seems to me that the question of how other parents deal with financing education is something that a lot of parents might be interested in (just as it might be relevant to know when other parents let their children start dating, or wear makeup, etc.). While each family has its own principles, some of these things cannot necessarily be reasoned out from first principles.</p>
<p>I think the OPs parents might have some wisdom in granting money to pay off loans AFTER graduation. OP, are your parents possibly structuring things this way to keep you in college, limit your debt, and make sure their own financial goals (retirement) are met? It may be the most fiscally wise plan they could come up with. I don't know what your parent's job security, home equity, or other savings looks like, but this looks like a conservative but generous plan to me. </p>
<p>About the title of the thread: hey, it got MY attention!</p>
<p>12k a year when they're income is over 150k?</p>
<p>Any details we're missing? For those of you who are obviously parents and say that if you're child had this attitude you would surely revoke this offer, and give nothing... Is that a joke? </p>
<p>Maybe this thread is titled arrogantly, but I'm under the impression that as a parent who is looking out for the benefit of a child, you do whatever necessary to guarantee both a placement at the institution of his/her choice, and the financial aspects of what comes after. Of course you do things that are safely within reason, but at 150k+ a year...</p>
<p>The people who say this is all he deserves? You sound self-entitled yourselves. I'm sure we'll hear the spiel about working hard for what we have and want, but the OP is privileged. Obviously so. How does self-entitlement manifest in the fact that he comes from a well-to-do background and is simply asking why his parents can not contribute more towards his college expenses? He thinks they have the potential to give more. I would agree. From the details given, I certainly do agree.</p>
<p>My parents made 28k combined last year. They're still offering to give me 2k a year if they can. That number should exponentially increase after a certain income ceiling, and I think that's the question the OP has.</p>
<p>You could look at it that way. You might also look at UF at $15K per year and Vanderbilt at $50K per year and come to the conclusion that the difference in quality of education does not warrant paying more than three times as much for the latter, particularly in a field like economics where the real differentiation between schools usually comes at the graduate level. I do not have enough information to speculate on motives either way, but I am willing to entertain the possibility that it may not be in the best interest of either the OP or the parents to choose Vanderbilt even if it does strike the OP as the better "fit". Personally, it would take a lot more than a seeming disdain for UF students and regrets over having worked harder than absolutely necessary in high school to convince me to spend that much extra money, even if I could afford to do so.</p>
<p>As a parent myself, I am quite willing to see to the needs of my children before my own needs. I cannot always guarantee that I will do whatever is necessary to give them everything that they want, particularly to the tune of a year's gross income when retirement investments have hit the skids and property value (and hence home equity) is in free fall in many places. It also does not help that the increase in cost of attendance at many colleges has far outpaced the general rate of inflation, little say the raises in Mom and Dad's take-home pay for the last decade or more.</p>
<p>Moral: Have the financial discussion with the kids before they apply anywhere rather than at the end of the process. If the final decision is going to be dependent on the financial package offered by a particular school or schools, lay down the ground rules as early as possible.</p>
<p>lgellar, we have income of 200,000, only child and we think it is a joyous privilege to pay for son's education, I will do so if I have to be in debt and work till I die, I won't feel he owes us a single thing, no exploitation with long-term guilt as one poster stated.</p>
<p>To educate my son to the fullest potential possible is part of parenting. It is a way of expressing my nature as a parent. We are Asian but this is not an Asian attitude, most Asian parents induce guilt, expect gratitude, will only pay for certain professional or grad schools etc etc. This is Asian+ Epictetus+Montaigne in his tower.</p>
<p>We earn significantly less than the OP's folks and we are paying more than 3 x the annual 12k they are offering. The EFC is the estimated family contribution - based upon the parent income -not the students and we decided that amount is our responsibility. However, I agree with other posters that the level of support offered to your child for college is very much an individual decision that cannot and should not be judged by others. I must admit though, we cannot help but notice that some friends with kids at the state U continue to travel, buy new cars, remodel their homes, etc., all things we have given up for the next few years. </p>
<p>H compares our annual tuition payment to driving a new car off a cliff -
I don't care that much for cars.</p>
<p>The OP's situation is a tough call. We don't have a real sense of OP's relationship with his/her parents and that plays very heavily into the scenario. Is this a self-centered child or is this child the victim of a horrid parental agenda? </p>
<p>If OP was pushed and expected to perform at a high level by parents and received a covert or direct message that only the top schools were acceptable, then the OP's anger is understandable. Many of D's friends were driven by parents and lost their childhoods to a sea of skipped grades, parental micromanagement, a huge burden of AP courses, tutors and an expectation that nothing but the best was acceptable. I can see where a young person might be understandably aggrieved. We know several young persons who grew up under the pressure of the ivies but will be going to the state flagship (an excellent school but not HPYS). These kids do feel cheated when they know that kid z, who ranked 70th in the class and had more fun in HS and childhood will be sitting with them at the college. To quote one student, "what was it worth"? Mom and Dad can brag about the acceptances to prestigious colleges, and not have to honor the original commitment of paying for it. The child is left feeling cheated.</p>
<p>Some of you may say "get over it". However, being used as a tool to fuel parental narcissism can take decades to recover from.</p>
<p>Hornet, you are throwing things into the mix that may or may not be the case. The fact still remains that private school is not an entitlement for anyone.</p>
<p>I am offering another possibility for this young person's outrage. Is what I am offering any less legitimate than to suggest that this young person is selfish or bratty? Many posters have condemned this young person's crude but attention-getting thread as nothing but self serving. There has got to be more to it than that.</p>
<p>As parents, my of us have to own our own narcissism (my own included). If we do so with our kids, hopefully there is less hurt from the child (and need to post with a shout as the OP did).</p>
<p>
Didn't want y'all to miss this buried nugget. </p>
<p>Back to your regularly scheduled gauntlet.</p>
<p>There is so much more to what a parent can pay than their income. How long have they had this income? How secure is it? Where do they live, and what are their costs of living? What have they been able to save for their retirement? How many other family members (particularly their parents) do they support? Did they pay for private schools? I do not count other peoples' money.</p>
<p>As other parents have said on other threads, one of the best gifts one can give a child is the knowledge that the child will not have to support the parent financially in the parents' old age. One can take out loans to fund college; one cannot take out loans to fund nursing homes.</p>
<p>(Oh, and I am paying almost full fare for my d to go to the school of her choice. But this is a priority that we made in our family, which meant vacations were visiting families, cars are old, etc. We also have no consumer debt, which is another priority in our family. Mortgages and student loans didn't count. But our family's decisions are different than the OP's family decisions. And I will not pass judgment on the OP's parents.)</p>
<p>I only read the first page of this, but it seems like a lot of people are being jerks about this whole situation. You say that the kid should be thankful for his parents feeding and clothing him for 18 years? Yes! Of course he should! But isn't that also the parents' job? If they didn't feed and clothe their child, they would be arrested for child neglect/abuse.</p>
<p>Chedva, I agree with you.</p>
<p>JCool, yes, not providing basic necessities is child abuse. You say that a child should be thankful, so then what is your point? Are posters being jerks in your opinion because these parents put a limit on the amount that they feel they can pay for college, and the OP is questioning that sum, and some posters are responding that it is generous? Some respondants are stating that it is a generous amount, and others do not think that it is generous.</p>
<p>The OP does sound a little ....demanding :eek: but it does appear the OP's parents could afford to contribute more (barring undisclosed financial hardships) if they choose. The choice however, is theirs. We did choose to pay our EFC for what we considered a better fit, and DD turned down a full-ride at UF. I was frugal with my kids growing up - since we had very little money - and I'm happy to provide them with the great experience they are getting at their U. We have substantially less income than the OP's parents and pay substantially more.</p>
<p>This entire thread dances in an area where we are dealing with emotions, values and undisclosed financial factors. It is complex and very much a gray area (personal choice).</p>
<p>anxiousmom-We have chosen a similar path to yours. D has elected to attend one of the LAC's she got into rather than the big flagship (which would have been 10k cheaper). She is quiet and would not have fared well in the big environment. Our family is also frugal. D has no driver's license, we shop at the discount stores and we have no debt outside of the mortgage.</p>
<p>Part of my comment about narcissism is based on personal experience. We live in one of the lowest SES neighborhoods in our wealthy school district. D endured lots of naive, insensitive comments from her seemingly wealthier peers about our home over the years (it made a great essay in her applications). Now that college choices are here, these same kids that teased are limited to the big state flagship school due to family circumstances (possibly too much debt and little retirement saved, maybe they are simply are more practical in their financial choices than I am). Some of these kids that are planning to attend the state flagship initially teased D about her state school apps. (Our HS may be very unusual, there is a lot of brand name college talk and cruel remarks made about lower tier schools). Many of the judgmental kids are flabbergasted that D has the choice between the state school and a competitive LAC; some are angry. How could the "poor" kid's parents cough up the $$$? What the kids are unaware of was what went on behind the scenes in our situation. This comment is not meant to judge these families but rather offer a suggestion as to why some of the kids may seem angry.</p>
<p>I don't believe in going into huge debt for a private college and if I was looking at 40-50K per year as my contribution, probably wouldn't do it for my child either. We are fortunate in that with a bit more frugality and no major health or work crises in the future, we can pay without going into debt. In D's decision, she will take on a work study and will trade summer adventures for summer work at home. </p>
<p>Curmudgeon has started a good thread ("swallows of Capistrano" -one certainly doesn't make a summer!). Perhaps the real problem here is one of insufficient information-naive assumptions that big scholarships would abound as a result of hard work or not knowing that the 529 monies we saved for our kids would create a more expensive LAC experience.</p>