<p>I've never been in a serious, long term relationship before. Now I'm in college in my second year and I can't help to feel that a real companionship might be more than just what I have wanted for some time; could it be actually what I need? Here's my rationale: Maybe a real relationship can help me grow as a person? Take away my loneliness? Help me understand sacrifice and other awesome qualities of good character? :D I hope some of you understand what I mean and don't get weirded out.</p>
<p>It's funny cause I remember that I totally didn't see myself in a LTR (long term relationship) last year. I remember even telling a friend that I would prefer short term dating / hookups to any sort of LTR. Also, being an engineering student at berk, how could I have time?! After some occasional short lived dating and hookups my first year, sure I look back and think it was fun but it nothing meaningful came out of it.</p>
<p>I'm just trying to start a free discussion on what you guys think about LTR and it's benefits and drawbacks especially for the busier college student. I really don't think I have much time! To me it's also kind of nauseating to see those couples that are together 24/7! You know those guys that go to their girl's dormroom like 3 times a week and the rest of the days that girl is at her guy's place? How much can they possibly talk about?! </p>
<p>Well, anyways, I especially want to hear what you guys and gals who have been in LTRs think. Is it worth it. How so? Did it help you "grow" in the most general sense?</p>
<p>If you think you don't have the time, don't do it, it will turn out to be disastrous. But again, I don't know how much free time you have. Seeing that you still have time to be in a few short term relationships, posting at CC, and actually thinking about having a LTR means you probably do have the time to do it. The problem is, finding the right person that meets your "requirements". Some guys are really clingy (not the type you are looking for). But you know, I have come to realize that in a LTR, girls will sometime end up to be clingy. (I have no idea what I am trying to say here lol) If you are busy studying all the time, what I suggest you do is find another engineering major person at your school that you like and you can study together, wouldn't that be nice? Good luck!</p>
<p>haha sorry, for some reason I just assumed your a girl. My bad, but my comment still holds true. It wasn't directed toward anyone (except the free time part), IMHO, I think it would apply to the majority of the people. Also I assume you mean LTR as in...a girl that you would consider marrying in the future? If that is not the case, then there is no point in LTR because it's basically saying "I'm going to go into a LTR with this girl and sooner or later we will break up". But again in your post, you said "serious LTR" which means you that is probably not the case. So my opinion would be go head and try it, just make sure you have the time =). You will gain a lot of experience? (I can't find the word that I am looking for) despite what happens in the future. Plus its always nice to have someone to talk to during stressful times and to have someone to study with you (but of course there are always study groups, but that's kinda different from studying with ur bf/gf).</p>
<p>I wouldn't recommend actively looking for a person to have a LTR with. Just wait for the right person to come to you, and if you feel you have a real connection with her, then by all means go for it. </p>
<p>These kinda things are hard to keep up with if you have a tough courseload and want to do well. My GPA took a nosedive last year when I was in a LTR.</p>
<p>Lol, guys being clingy? For every clingy guy there's probably like 10 clingy girls. </p>
<p>I'd agree with rOcksteady, just keep doing your thing. I personally wouldn't even think about a serious relationship until I've lived and am ready to settle down with one person.</p>
<p>I should have mentioned my definition of LTR and "serious". I didn't necessarily mean a relationship that's meant to last a longgg time nor do I mean a relationship where a large amount of time is devoted. I simply meant that it should be more than a hookup and last more than a few months. I see it as basically more than dating, hooking up, or a trivial relationship that doesn't last. </p>
<p>This brings me to something I realized. I could definitely fit in an LTR if it only took a few hours a week (sometimes less, sometimes more) as opposed to a few hours a day. And I'd rather live by myself than with the girl and the ideal is for us to see each other a couple times a week (1-4). I could do that. Not that a relationship should be anything similar to schooling, but if being with a girl was equivalent to a 5 unit class, I could do that I think.</p>
<p>I'm in a LTR (6 years now) and I love it. My bf is my best friend and we've been through almost everything together. That being said, you obviously need boundaries in any relationship. He knows that my school work is important and respects that - being in a LTR has had no affect on my GPA, and I'm also pretty involved on campus. If anything, it helps because when I'm stressed I have somebody to calm me down at the end of the day. As for time commitment - well, this depends on a lot of things. I go to the same school as my bf, and we live in the same residence complex (though not in the same building). It's easy for us to spend a lot of time together and we do, but I also get out a lot with my girlfriends, hang out with people in my building and from classes, etc. My bf and I also do different things when we're together - anything from actual dates to homework.</p>
<p>Well, for a relationship to be "long term", a relationship needs to exist first. It doesn't make any sense to look for an LTR, you look for a serious relationship and ideally if it's good, it lasts (if that's what both of you are looking for).</p>
<p>I prefer serious relationships to casual stuff most of the time. Sure, hookups, flirting, and going after new people are fun, but it starts to feel too much like a game for it to be satisfying for me after a while. I've never really looked for a serious relationship, though--both of the LTRs I've been in (one lasted ~2 years, one is 9 months and counting) started out with me thinking it was going to be a casual thing and got more serious in the natural course of getting to know one another better and finding we really clicked.</p>
<p>Being in a serious relationship doesn't mean you have to merge and spend every minute together. If you work well together and you both have room in your lives, it'll get more serious, which means you have more of an obligation to support the person and take them into account when you're planning, but doesn't mean you have to totally change.</p>
<p>Maybe you shouldn't avidly search (like another poster said, it's too much like a game), but you should always keep your eyes open for potential girlfriends. It's probably something you unconsciously do already, though.</p>
<p>I'm in a LTR and love it...it's so much more fulfilling than a hookup (yes I've had those too) because you really, really get to know the other person. It's wonderful when that person becomes your best friend and so much more!</p>
<p>Think of it this way, one day you'll probably get married, so why pass up chances to find that right person? even if you're young and you think college is supposed to be way more casual. </p>
<p>I personally dislike the idea of hooking up and short term flings just for what, the sex? the fun? But I don't see how without "trying out" various people you can KNOW if you're with the right person in a LTR. Dilemma?</p>
<p>Only if you pass over 1/e of the people you expect to meet in your life, then pick the next one who's better than all the ones who came before. :D</p>
<p>You should have plenty of time for a relationship. I met my girlfriend two summers ago during a summer research program. I was finishing up an engineering degree at CMU a semester early, she's working doing her engineering degree in three years, and we still found time to talk on the phone most nights. Now I'm out at Caltech as a grad student, and we live about an hour apart and we can still talk most nights. One or two weekends a month we can make the trip to visit each other when we get far enough ahead in our work. And yet we both have plenty of time to hang out with friends and stay involved at school.</p>
<p>If you want to get involved in a serious relationship then there's nothing to stop you from doing it. You just need to be able to find a girl that understands when you're busy and can't put out that night.</p>
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not to mention...you're in the first 37%
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<p>I'm sure it's merely an average as according to the law of large numbers so it might be lower for some ppl. but you're certainly more realistic on that part. ^^ (I'm still kind of idealistic, hm..)</p>