<p>So I started college about a month ago, and I've met a lot of great people. This includes one guy who's cute and really great, and I think I might like him. However, to be honest, I don't really want to have a boyfriend right now - I just started college and I'm still meeting new people and figuring things out. I also play a sport and I barely have time on weekdays between homework, classes, and practice, so I feel like I don't really have time.</p>
<p>I also feel like I want to experience college life a little bit before I settle down with one person. I know it sounds terrible, but I feel like I want to meet new people, maybe even hook up with a few people before actually beginning a relationship. I really like him as a person and a friend, though, and I don't know what to say to him - I'd love it if we could just get to know each other better for a while, but at the same time, I don't want to feel obligated to go out with him at some point.</p>
<p>Ugh. Any advice? Am I an awful person if I want to, I don't know, hook up with a few people before I begin an actual relationship?</p>
<p>No you’re not an awful person, and you wouldn’t be alone. And of course I have no idea what the **** you mean by “hook up” because it’s such an ambiguous phrase that to one person it simply means kissing while to another it means the whole nine yards.</p>
<p>That said, I wouldn’t lead the guy on if you’re not interested in starting a relationship. THAT’S an awful thing to do.</p>
<p>Before you think about random hook-ups, know that eventually you are either going to have to tell whomever you want to be your significant other, or lie and hide it from them. Some people would not mind if you have random hook-ups, but I know that, I, for one, would likely skip over someone that has partaken in random hook-ups, because of all the other personality traits that they are indicative of (Plus, no one wants to be with someone who has no qualms about randomly hooking up with others).</p>
<p>I agree with Hurricane though, you should probably define what you mean by “hooking up”, in college, most people define it as having sex, but your definition may be different.</p>
<p>There is nothing terrible about what you’ve said you want. That’s totally normal. Some kids want relationships in college, many don’t. My only advice to you is 1. be upfront about what you want, be careful not to lead anyone on-- you need to make sure you are on the same page with anyone you are involved with, because it feels like crap to want more than a physical relationship and find out later that’s all the other person wanted from you, and 2. realize you can go with the flow and don’t have to commit to dating or not dating, you never know what you might decide you want. Within a week or two of deciding I wasn’t going to date in college (after a disastrous first semester in terms of dating drama) I met my fiance. Life’s funny that way. Just enjoy yourself and be honest with people about your intentions and you’ll be fine.</p>
<p>I think you’re totally in the green. A relationship just not might be for you right now. College is still new and exciting and it’s ok to want to hook up with a few people and get that part of your life over with before you start dating again. Everyone has that phase, some just have it longer than others(read all of college) while others get it out of their system in the first year.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice! I feel somewhat better than I did in my slightly panicked state this morning. As for hook up - I’m not talking about sleeping with people. I think it’s just more that I don’t really want a relationship right away as I’m still easing into college. I’d like to experience college on my own first - although he’s pretty great.</p>
<p>That sounds totally fine. I don’t want to date anyone seriously right now. That being said, I did wind up on one date the first week of school, but I realized that a relationship was not the best idea for me. I’m personally all about being single and exploring my options anyways, and I’m not going to get into a relationship unless I meet some mind-blowingly amazing girl.</p>
<p>Also, I feel like the college atmosphere, especially in the first few months, isn’t all that conducive to a relationship, with all the parties and alcohol and emphasis on hooking up. Obviously you can avoid that fairly easily, but if that’s what you’re into a relationship is not going to be what you want.</p>
<p>It is my opinion that freshman year is better suited to “exploring” different people and seeing what’s out there rather than a relationship. Being in one kind of restricts your social life and I know a lot of people are naturally going to be reluctant to be close to you once they find out you are not single. After you have a nice large group of friends and know what you want, that’s when a relationship is smarter as it makes worrying about finding girls that much easier.</p>
<p>You’ve got yourself better figured out than most freshman, so good job there. Just be careful of one thing. Don’t not date him freshman year even though you really like him, then start dating some other guy at the end of freshman year but you still like the first guy so you cheat on the second guy with the first guy. Because I was the second guy. Dammit.</p>
<p>Oh, and just be friends with him, and if he tries to date you tell him the same thing you posted, except maybe without the “I want to hook up with people” thing.</p>
<p>Is dating worth it? If you find the right person, absolutely. However, if you don’t want a relationship right now- don’t get into one. That simple. If you do find yourself falling for the guy though, there’s no reason to not have a go at it. You’re both young and if it fails, it fails.</p>
<p>Mmm…it’s hard to say because I don’t know you personally. </p>
<p>I think casual dating is manageable, but I’m not so sure about dating someone and getting really serious about it. Focus on classes, your sport, and figuring out your major, etc. and if you happen to meet the right person, then good for you :). If not, no worries! </p>
<p>While I really don’t like the idea of just hooking up with someone, I’m not so sure a serious relationship is the route to go in college - it’s like an extra class. Maybe if there was some compromise…</p>
<p>“There are people we treat wrong, and later, we’re prepared to treat other people right. Perhaps this sounds mercenary, but I feel grateful for these trial relationships, and I would like to think it all evens out–surely, unknowingly, I have served as practice for other people.”</p>
<p>haha yeah well hooking up is definitely more fun and thrilling. it makes you feel rebellious. but im only in high school and i’ve had way too many hookups for my own good so i have a reason to want a serious relationship, but i think if it’s your first time in college you should definitely go for “experimenting” with different guys :)</p>