<p>I was talking with a friend today, who was saying that sending a child far away is a really bad idea because OF COURSE there are times when the child needs the physical presence of the parent. For example, if they get very ill, they will need a parent there. She made it sound so clear and matter-of-fact that the ones who go away are in a small minority, and that parents need to be able to reach their kids quickly.</p>
<p>It got me thinking. DS is 4 - 5 hours away, and he has needed us twice in 4 years. Once when he needed surgery, and once when he stopped functioning after a relationship breakup. We could have done it if he were a plane ride (or two) away but it would have been much more difficult. </p>
<p>What do those of you with far-off kids do when your child is very ill or has an emergency? Would love to hear your experiences.</p>
<p>D1 totalled her car driving back from finals (12 hours away) we drove there to the ER waiting room when she was OK to pick her up. I think sometimes it is a learning experience that you show them what they can do WITHOUT you. Problem solving on the phone is the key.</p>
<p>College students are usually NOT children (ours technically was until he turned 18). Of course it is desirable to be able to be there for them when accident or severe illness occurs, but not necessary. Time to cut the cord and let the child become the adult. Some families are close- relatives see each other frequently. Others don’t. It doesn’t matter if the child is 18, 25 or 35- it is always nice to have family available. Needs are relative- students learn different coping skills when parents can’t do as much for them. A separation of needs and wants. We were needed for signatures until son turned 18. Saw him on breaks but he may as well have been thousands instead of a hundred plus miles away.</p>
<p>You will always be their parent, and they will always be your child. Are you never going to let them out of the yard? Nowadays, we can get there a lot quicker than people could in the past. </p>
<p>That said, if S gets his Study Abroad in the fall I will probably spend the entire time chewing my nails off ;)</p>
<p>Our son was a 21 hour drive from us or all day on planes, weather permitting. I did worry sometimes, but he did have lots of friends and the college had all kinds of support services, resident hall advisors etc. Maybe the safest place he’s ever been, outside of my womb. Now he’s even farther away, but he’s 24 years old. Got to let go.</p>
<p>I agree with all of you. Thanks. You know how it is when you talk with someone who is just so certain of their view of things? I was starting to question myself and some options we are looking at for S2. As in, “Am I NUTS for even considering this?”</p>
<p>I’m glad your daughter is okay rockymtnhigh. That must have been so scary for all of you.</p>
<p>The answer to your question is yes, but who expects their son to become mentally ill as a freshman, when he was always healthy before? He was actually in the hospital on Mother’s Day, 2000 miles away.</p>
<p>Having said that, I will still gladly send my youngest across country to school, if that’s where she wants to go.</p>
<p>I have learned to trust the kindness of strangers- because even if I was 100 miles away- it was the truck driver behind D who saw the accident, that stopped and encouraged her to get in the ambulance and then he called me. I like cell phones! In the 70’s my mother’s family was shocked that she ‘let me go away to college’ at 20! (after the first two years at a branch campus). I think it is more that the parents themselves have issues of not being needed and place this on the kid. What better can you do for your kid than teach/ help with independence?</p>
<p>I like the “kindness of strangers” concept: about 4 years ago, some friends and I were flying back from a wedding in New Orleans. I happenened to be sitting next to a sophomore from LSU who was flying home for Christmas vacation and we chatted away. Turns out, our flight had to land elsewhere bec. of weather and we spent the night in a different city altogether and continued our trip home the following day. My friends and I took the kid under our wings–told him to call his parents, and made sure he got up and out the following day. It was just a small thing, but I said a little karma prayer then that someone would look after mine when he needs a little hand. If all us mom and dads unite, we can help each other’s kids! :)</p>
<p>yes. We are a day away, regardless of how we would get there, via plane or car. After about 6 PM, there are no flights from our city that can even get us close. (And we are in Atlanta, so not a small airport.) </p>
<p>We are fortunate that he has good friends and more fortunate that we have family not so far away, because he was in a serious car accident and we were stuck. He had major surgery and we couldn’t be there. On top of this, the surgery didn’t “take” and had to be repeated. I was there for that. Additionally, there have been several other things.</p>
<p>I am not quite as brave as Maine Longhorn. My other children can go even further, but I prefer much easier access via airplane.</p>
<p>Yes.It is a drawback when your kids go somewhere that is not so accessible. Also a risk you take when a kid goes abroad or on some mission somewhere. When your kid goes to college, an important thing to do that a lot parents do not do is check out the medical resources there and have a list on what to do in an emergency situation. If you don’t want your kid going to SYZ community hospital around the corner because Big State Medical Center is just a mile or so away, then make sure that is something spelled out and that you have everything written down and can email it to him.</p>
<p>Personally I think you asked the wrong question … I think a more helpful question would have been who has NOT had to go to their kids school in an emergency … you wouldn’t have to read the replies just look at the post count. </p>
<p>I’m 6 students years in with FirstToGo and SecondToGo and not a whiff of an emergency where someone needed to make the trip (there have been some optional trips taken). Same when Mom3ToGo and 3ToGo were in school … the closest was my missing my grandmothers funeral … however that was not so much the travel (6 hour drive) as missing a day of school during finals. In addition, of my 10(?) closest friends I can only think of one who had to go home … her dad was diagnosed and died of cancer when she was in college and she made many/many trips home … for her having a reasonable commute was a huge plus.</p>
<p>Personally, planning around highly unlikely events is not a way I limit my options or those of my kids.</p>
<p>PS - this is a totally different question than if student would like to be near home because they would like to make frequent voluntary trips home.</p>
<p>I think it would be more helpful to recognize that your college students are adults. Put it this way, what if they get a job that is 2000 miles away when they graduate and you can’t be there with them if they are ill. Does that change how you look at the situation. How about if they go to college 30 miles away but you are out of town and they are ill and you can’t get back? I think it’s a learning experience is kids have to deal with going to the dr on their own, etc. There are support services on campus and hopefully they have a circle of friends to help if need be. This from a mom with a D with a chronic medical condition going to school that is an 8 hour drive away. Even if she were 2000 miles away, if we HAD to get to her, we would find a way. The chances of us needing to get to her are very slim.</p>
<p>This reminds me of an old thread that I haven’t seen for a while. Does anyone remember where posters listed colleges near where they live in case there was an emergency?</p>
<p>With each of our three kids, there have been medical emergencies for which I wanted to be there. I felt that they needed me, but they managed, through a combination of friends, good medical resources on campus, and some cell phone coaching, to come through safely - thankfully! It was hard on the parental nerves, though. But none of us would have wanted the kids to choose schools closer to home because of those emergencies. I can understand why parents whose kids have serious illnesses encourage them to go to college closer to home.</p>
<p>As much as we want to be with our children in a time of crisis, they are now adults, with their own support system at their new location, and we have to recognize that. Give them wings.</p>
<p>D is on the opposite side of the country and there’s never been a need for a rescue from us. She once had to go to the ER for a very minor thing while at training camp away from campus (I never would have taken her to the ER for that!), but her coaches and trainer took care of it. I know she’s lost her wallet once, her room key once, and has locked herself out at least once, but solved those issues on her own with the help of the RA, security, and the housing office.</p>
<p>What support system would that be? Other 19 year olds that they’ve just met?
But don’t worry, my kids proved their wings worked before they even went to college.</p>
