<p>Aqua, your college student is nearby, right? Like I said in my post above…the key is that you have some plan with your kiddos for IFan emergency occurs. They need to have all of the necessary contact information, and all of their health insurance cards and the like. As long as you have a plan, all will be fine. Even with my 3000 mile away kid, and her emergency (surgery), it was all fine because we HAD a plan in advance that we just needed to put into action.</p>
<p>Thanks ! It wasn’t a banner birthday for her , that’s for sure. Most of her friends that were there with her for that semester were either studying for their finals on that day.</p>
<p>this thread is making me nervous. we are still waiting to hear from the colleges.
most of my son’s reaches are on the east coast, except UC Berkeley. we are in N. california. Bekerley is only 1 hour from home by car. he has received a good merit scholarship from Tulane. But i am not sure about its geographcially location.</p>
<p>myboby123, by the time most students go to college, they are legal adults. There are systems in place at the schools to assist those students that aren’t legal adults. A part of our job is to let them go and learn how to deal with the emergencies. What would they do if they were not going to college? Probably (hopefully?) have a job and pay their own way. Then we really wouldn’t have any say in where they went or what they did.</p>
<p>All of that being said, my D is also at Tulane, a 16 hour drive from our home in central Iowa. She is thriving and learning a lot. They have a good medical school and a good RA system. There is an active Tulane page here on CC with with alums and parents of jrs/srs at Tulane that are quite active. You may want to check it out if you haven’t already.</p>
<p>I hear similar declarations from some friends and family that clearly do not approve of Ds first choice school. The school is over 10 hours of drive time or two planes and a bus ride away. I confess that I am still working up the nerve to just pay the deposit. This is more my issue than hers. My heart still is in my throat when she borrows my car. She did a month abroad as a high school student and I spent a few days in close phone contact when she had a bad case of food poisoning. In my talks of personal safety I must have neglected the ever important warning against street vendor falafel. What I do know is that allowing children to fly farther from the nest than the norm is not an indicator of how deep or wide your parental love is. That is the implication I think I most resent. </p>
<p>against street vendor falafelof wh</p>
<p>I think a lot depends on the kid. Of course anyone can have a medical emergency and parents would probably want to be there to help out and distance will make it harder, but I am talking about the less mature 18 year old who needs more frequent parental support - not necessarily the helicopter kind. Our son started out at a school 11 hours away, and it turned out to be a huge mistake. After starting over, living at home and attending community college, even now when he is older and much more mature it works out very well for him and for us that he is 30 minutes away. He only comes home on breaks and maybe a long weekend, but it is a great comfort to know we can be there in 1/2 hour if needed, or he can make his way home in 2 hours (by bus) if needed. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t say as a rule, “do not send your freshman far from home” but I would definitely say be cautious about it and consider your kid’s maturity level and ability to adjust and cope on his/her own, and don’t assume they will figure it out on their own.</p>
<p>Kid #2 went about 8 hours away, but there were 2 big differences. 1, kid #2 is a different kid, and 2, kid #2 went to a city where we have close and very supportive family, who regularly stepped up and helped out with small things and I knew they were there if anything big came up also.</p>
<p>The scion was doing laundry and somehow the socks went missing.</p>
<p>“Someone took my socks. I need socks”</p>
<p>“Someone took your socks. Really,” I replied.</p>
<p>“Can you mail me some socks?”</p>
<p>“Can I m-a-i-l you some socks?” I replied.</p>
<p>“Can you mail me socks. I have no socks.”</p>
<p>“Can I mail you socks?” I replied.</p>
<p>“Are you going to just repeat back to me what I already said to you?”</p>
<p>“Am I?” I said.</p>
<p>“Are you?” he said, finally catching on.</p>
<p>"“Are you?” Is that the question, you are asking me?" I said.</p>
<p>“Can I please talk to Mom?”</p>
<p>“Can you?”, I replied.</p>
<p>“Should I just go to the store and buy some socks then?”</p>
<p>“Should you?” I replied.</p>
<p>“Okaaaaay.”</p>
<p>Dreams die hard.</p>
<p>As a parent, I feel it’s important to be brave enough (yes, brave) to give my kids both roots and wings. It’s not easy. And every family has a different situation so I could never generalize or judge.</p>
<p>DD is only 3-4 hours away by car and has dealt with recurring illness (freshman year) and visit to the hospital ER (this year). She’s learned to take care of herself without mommy being there (there’s always phone and text!). She was also sick during her study abroad trip to Italy and learned to be resourceful (looked up meds online and translated ingredients so she could have conversation with pharmacist on a weekend when doc not available). While as her mother, I ALWAYS want to be there for her, that’s unrealistic.</p>
<p>Now DS is likely to be going to school a three-hour plane ride away (frequent direct flights). He will be less than an hour and a half from grandparents, but the likelihood of him seeing them frequently is low. I guess it does give us all a sense of comfort that there is family back-up around just in case. I expect he will learn to be more self-sufficient and how to deal with whatever emergencies he has to face - and we will be there for him in whatever way we can. If it’s a serious health emergency, he will be completely reachable. When we were visiting colleges, I even expressed how air transportation to/from this college would be so much easier than the long, traffic-laden, weather-impacted drives to our state school.</p>
<p>I’m probably more confident about my boys’ abilities because i ended up in a hospital for a week overseas when I was their age. I’m sure it gave my parents gray hairs but we all survived and I had a friend who helped out. Back then there were no cell phones and they called everyday much to the consternation of the nurses who had to get me out of bed and wheel me to the phone booth and the hospital wouldn’t release me until the bill was paid so my friend had to go wait at the wire office for the cash to come in from my parents because they wouldn’t take my American Express card. It makes cell phones and today’s plane schedules and credit/debit card processing seem inconsequential to me.</p>
<p>I just experienced a “need parents” situation. I was the sickest I’d been since sometime in high school. I could barely move, let alone get myself to the doctor. I was really grateful to my dad–my mom was sick, too, and he really helped us both out. I don’t think I would have been able to get along for that week without someone’s help. </p>
<p>I also had an incident where my dog got really sick. My parents were very helpful, helping me clean up and get him to the vet. He’s actually MY dog, not a family dog, so he’s really my responsibility, but this was bigger than I could handle on my own. </p>
<p>Sometimes, though, I definitely think that parents need to back off. One of my friends from HS was mugged while visiting another city. Once it happened, it happened. Going out there wouldn’t have made a difference, and his parents [wisely] decided to stay home and he was fine.</p>
<p>My DS is a 5 hour plane/2K away. The first year I was nervous so I looked around and discovered a friend brother lived in the same city. We (DS and I) didn’t really know them at all but they were great. It just gave me peace of mind. DS did not need them at all but they were kind enough to invite DS over for Thanksgiving when a trip home would be impossible. They have now moved away but my DS’s fraternity and parents have stepped in. This year DS broke his toe the day before finals. It was a bad break since in his words "my foot has a toe with that looks like an “L” ". DS’s brothers loaded him in the car and drove him to the emergency room. They helped him with everything to make sure he took his finals. How did I learn about this emergency?? A few days later from his sister when she told me “Mom DS posted on facebook he went to the emergency room for a broken toe.” I called and he said not to worry that he had taken care of everything. So the lesson learned is that they will figure out many emergencies and have people around who can help. I think having a child far away actually helps them mature since mom and dad are not around to handle things. DS’s school at orientation gave us a handout with info on who to call at the university in the case of an emergency or other issues. </p>
<p>Also why limit their college options? Having a student from out of state attend a college is many times attractive to that college which results in offers of merit scholarships. I have seen families insist their child attend schools locally which means loans etc. while my DS is far away and I don’t pay for a penny for his tuition.</p>
<p>Our kids have been a 5-6 plane ride away from us for many years. S is now about a 12+ hour plane ride from us most of the time. We have been in contact when they let us know they need us for any reason. I was 7+ plane hours from my folks for 6 years when I was in my late teens & early 20s. They and I and my folks managed. I was put in the school infirmary for mono & my kids have each had treatment for chronic mono. Somehow we all manage. My D had her bike hit by a car late at night & had to go to the infirmary the next day, but she managed pretty well.</p>
<p>With cell phones, computers and other ways of staying in touch, distances really shrink. Several of my friends have made the plane trips when their kids had surgery and were 5+ plane hours away, which is undoubtably what we’d do as well. I think it’s a good idea to try to keep an open mind. None of my nieces or nephews nor my kids needed to have their folks fly over to check on them, even though all were 5 or more plane hours from home when in college.</p>
<p>I had the same experience as tsv except it involved a fingertip, not a toe. Friends got her to an ER. She did make some mistakes which would not have happened had I been ther, e.g., gave them the wrong insurance card which resulted in her needing to untangle a bunch of billing snafus. I’m sure she learned something handling it all. </p>
<p>IMO, there are probably lots of times when it would be nice for kid to have mom around. Most things are resolvable, and in a life-or-death situation, I doubt the presence or absence of mom would change the eventual outcome.</p>
<p>Our kid is from the west coast and attends school on the east coast. Eight hours travel by plane. She has figured life out. Yes, I’ve recevied a myriad of phone calls. Everything could be handled through good coaching over the phone.</p>
<p>I do think my child has come to rely on friends and vice verse because most of them are many, many hours away from home.</p>
<p>I have had parents that live near school offer to be her contact person if she was ever in a position to need serious help.</p>
<p>Fear not… life will happen wherever your child lands. If truly needed, you’ll get there.</p>
<p>D1 has never “needed” us, but we are fortunate that one of my BFF’s is less than an hour away. That worked out on Easter of D’s freshman year, when they took her under their wing for dinner. Aside from that, even they haven’t been “needed.” D1 does like to come home every 6 weeks or so and being less than 250 miles away makes that possible. </p>
<p>D2 didn’t even apply in state. She’s going to end up at 1 of 2 schools that have direct flights from out home airport, both coming in at about 1-1 1/2 hours flight time and 8-9 hour drives. DH wasn’t too happy about that this time last year, but he’s come around; he didn’t like the idea that he couldn’t just jump in the car & get to her if she needed him. </p>
<p>I know that others in the family question the choice, since their kids didn’t apply to any schools that they couldn’t commute to. I think that’s a disservice since they are missing out on the outside of class aspects of college life, and they aren’t being forced to learn adult skills (laundry, cooking, etc.) But it’s not my business, so I keep my pie hole shut ;)</p>
<p>Long distance college has some challenges, but availability of a direct flights does make things MUCH easier. This is especially true in bad weather, when you need to sweat the connections.</p>
<p>So far have not had to rush to school for anything, but both kids have been pretty independent overall. I think if you have a kid who is pretty needy, I would suggest a school that was closer. Or if you have a kid with a health issue, same idea. I have a friend who’s daughter is a diabetic and ended up in the hospital a couple of times her freshman year. They were a 4 hour drive away, but made the drive in the middle of the night to get there. </p>
<p>For our kids we said they needed to pick a school that was reasonably easy to get to. We didn’t want it to take 2 days and 4 flights to get home. We figured if they can get home relatively easily, we would be able to get there easily. Also, we factored in the cost of airfaire when looking at schools.</p>
<p>To get a realistic financial comparison, don’t be skimpy estimating the airline tickets. Even if the student doesn’t care whether he/she comes home, the parents will likely want a visit. </p>
<p>Warning - for college towns (like Boston), tickets are much more expensive at break times, especially Thanksgiving… plan early!</p>