<p>We annually donate to the Parent’s Fund and that is it. We loved hearing about DD’s classes, her life at college and meeting her friends but it was her school not ours. The parents that I know who are most invested are alums of the school their child attends or like the poster above who had an athlete playing for a school.</p>
<p>^ Having an athlete that plays for the school. That’s me. I am planning on 4 visits this coming semester, her last. Then another for graduation.</p>
<p>I’m part of the DD college parent alumni and contribute to annual fund raising even after paying $55K for tuition/board.
I do get invitation to DD college west coast seminars and mixers. I’ve also tried to be on campus once a semester.
If I’ve been close to DD’s college I would be involved in many more ways.</p>
<p>Let go! Feel free to gain info from CC sites and learn all you can from the school’s website. Your child has the relationship with the school, not you. Do NOT get in his space- allow him to have the experience without you.</p>
<p>Your campus contact will be this. Any parents’ orientation- during which you will be given any guidelines for staying out of your child’s way. Move in/move out day. Your big chance to see the dorm, may even meet the roommate (we never did, they weren’t around). Paying any bills your child has sent your way (very likely as he won’t want to pay them).</p>
<p>With luck your child will let you know the schedule and courses s/he is taking. With more luck you will get told the semester grades. Sons are notorious for not calling home- a weekly phone session should be arranged. Be prepared to look up vacation dates to anticipate travel home and back. </p>
<p>Feel free to join the parents’ group and get info about your kid in college stuff. They always appreciate donations, although while paying college costs you may not choose this involvement.</p>
<p>Volunteering is done by students, not the parents. Remember, your child is treated as an adult in college. Do YOUR parents get involved in your work/home life?</p>
<p>PS- why do you think so many of us are on CC? Better than driving our kids nuts…</p>
<p>Obviously I did research on DS’s college thread on CC. And I continue to go there to request and share general advise, especially about Boston.</p>
<p>We went to the July Orientation, open to students and parents. (Students stayed in dorms, parents in campus apartments - fun!). Had we not already been back East for our annual vacation / family visits, we probably would not have attended with son. But glad we did. We got to experience the campus and meet lots of other parents. We purposely gave DS lots of “space” - picked separate Boston tours etc. </p>
<p>We also attended Parent Weekend in October. That was another way to be involved without being intrusive.</p>
<p>I happened to be living near son’s college for a year. I began going to their BB games. They kept getting better, and I felt they would surely win. They came close on a weekend game, and I was compelled to go back. That Wednesday, they won. I took pictures and e-mailed to newspaper editor (DS). I was interviewed by a filmmaker, who produced a film on the team. I was interviewed by major sportswriter. When son graduated, and we went to President’s house, he not only knew my son, but remembered sitting near me at the games the prior year. DS, by the way, never attended a game. I grew up loving the game, going with parents to BB games, occasionlly splurging on tickets. Does being a fan count?</p>
<p>As I paid full tuition for a few years, I had no money to contribute.</p>
<p>PofIH–How did you learn about local parent groups?</p>
<p>Schools sponsor a lot of local events - college sports, wine tasting, lecture series, professional networking.</p>
<p>bookworm:
I get regular emails from the alumni about all the events in my area. MIT seems to have email group [Mit<em>current</em>parents_nocal] for northern california. I also receive quarterly email from the alumni.</p>
<p>You might want to get in touch with your kid’s school’s local alumnae club chapter if you’re interested in parent’s groups or volunteering. There is probably an alum admissions coordinator for your area, and in my experience they are always eager to get in touch with parents who want to volunteer at admissions stuff or host admissions events. Some schools host barbeques or dinners or something for admitted students and they love having parents of current students there, as well as current students, because there will be parents of admitted students accompanying the admitted attendees and its nice to have someone from each group to talk to.</p>
<p>It is hard to know what is meant by “involved” when it comes to one’s kids’ colleges. We never contacted our kids’ colleges…no professors, administrators, etc. during their time there. We were not involved on that level as we feel that stops after K-12. The kids dealt with whatever was needed at their schools on their own. </p>
<p>We moved our kids in every fall and out every spring. </p>
<p>We attended parent weekend freshmen year (that is only for freshmen at D2’s college) and again in senior year for D1. </p>
<p>For D1, who was on a varsity sport team, we attended almost every competition, though none were actually at the college itself. We were able to do this as the sports event were within a couple of hours from where we live (even though her college is further away than that). I also flew out west to national championships D was in. We did know every kid on her team and met their parents many times who also would attend the events regularly. In fact, the parents all coordinated the food every weekend for everyone. Again, this was not on campus. </p>
<p>For D2, who is in performing arts, we attended a capella concerts on campus and competitions for that off campus in various states. We attended all of her theatrical shows and music performances. Her school was six hours away. </p>
<p>So, mainly due to sports and performing arts, we were “involved” as supportive parents who attended these events, as did most of the other parents of those in these events. </p>
<p>At D1’s grad school, we attended two exhibitions she was in on campus and one that took place in another city. </p>
<p>We just never miss “events” the kids are in. D2, who is out of college, performs regularly and we see everything she is in at least once, though we don’t see every time she is onstage as that is very frequently and she lives six hours away. But we continue to travel to see the things are kids are in, and probably always will.</p>
<p>Just a point of clarification - being involved in the school is not the same as being intrusive. I think there are loads of schools that could use more volunteers - and those tasks can be done without ever seeing your student.</p>
<p>As some point out, I could do some of the tasks without even being on campus.</p>
<p>I guess you could say that I am uninvolved in my child’s college. I don’t contribute to the Parent’s Fund, don’t attend anything at the school and they did not even have a parent orientation for us to attend! If I were to do any volunteer activity, I would do it for my own alma mater rather than my child’s college. I own no clothing with her school’s name, but I do have a car decal. That’s it.</p>
<p>I do visit my child at her school, I know her schedule each semester and I see her grades.</p>
<p>D’s college actually sent a full color, fold out (many panel) brochure outlining ways that parents can be involved. Since we don’t live close (and I completely overdid the school involvement when my kids were in elementary school), I wasn’t interested beyond following the football team, wearing a sweatshirt and putting a sticker on my car. Oh, and I also pay the bill.</p>
<p>Smithie - I know that there is an alumnae club for D’s school in our town, but just as I played invisible when it came time for her to interview, I feel it’s not my place to contact them. I’m a forty something year old who went to a different school – I would feel out of place trying to talk my way into a club that includes forty somethings who actually went to the school in question.</p>
<p>Now, if through my daughter, they wanted to reach out to parents to host get togethers and the like, great. But she would have to be the link / conduit. Not me.</p>
<p>kingJulian – lots of elementary schools also rely on parent volunteers to do stuff that the paid staff should do – reshelving library books and so forth. I think it perpetuates the culture of mommies = unpaid labor.</p>
<p>It is not like being in the PTO or the PTA at your local public schools! </p>
<p>We pay the tuition bills, I would think that would be our obligation. Two of our kids have gone to school far away and two about within 100 miles of us. We are not involved in any type of parents association or alumni association for our own colleges. </p>
<p>Moreover, it seems to volunteer or do anything these days, you need to pay for your own criminal background check.</p>
<p>I guess it’s my history - I have been donating my time for the last several years to community programs where I had an interest. I am looking to move on to something else. I have considered other local ideas to support - or initiate.</p>
<p>I think supporting my S college would also be great - just not sure about what capacity.</p>
<p>I was a very “involved” parent in my kids’ high school actually holding leadership positions in one organization. When my kids left high school, I moved on. There are wonderful community service opportunities in all places. Personally, I would NOT look at being a parent volunteer at my kids’ colleges…it was time for ME to do something different too and many other organizations are out there. I guess what I’m saying is volunteering for college would seem odd to me…if I hoped to do it in the same way as I did for the high school. AND my KIDS would not have been too thrilled either. College was THEIRS…not mine. </p>
<p>College is a time to let go of the things you always did for your kids…and I think being a parent volunteer in the same way is one of those things to let go of. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>I became involved in my daughters school when she saw a need that we could help fulfill. Then I was asked to join a committee and they’ve just begun a new division that is of particular interest to me so I’ve offered my services there as well. Her school is about 1000 miles away but they are often in NY so we meet then and I will occasionally fly out if needed.</p>
<p>It’s not my alma mater nor my husbands - neither of us had the grades back then! But we look at it as a charity we support in our daughter’s honor until she can take over. </p>
<p>I totally disagree with Pizzagirl, in a perfect world there would be enough funding for every job needed to be done to have paid staff but seriously, to not assist when and where you can so as to not perpetuate mommy/unpaid labor? We have plenty of dads in this community who perform many many hours of unpaid labor as well. I would rather reshelve books for free so that those with degrees in library studies (whatever it’s called) can be used in a better way.</p>
<p>I stopped being involved in high school, partially because of my job, but I also felt it was time to start giving my kids some space. I thought I wouldn’t be thrilled if I saw my kids coming and going at my work place. How I interact with my kids is very different than with my co-workers. I think that’s especially the case when they are in college. </p>
<p>I asked D1 if she knew where her friends parents worked when she was a freshman, she thought about it for a minute and said, “Not really, we don’t talk about you guys too much.” I think that’s the case with college students, they are off on their own, even though we are still paying their bills, we are moving to the background, they are not linked because of us, and they want us to fade.</p>