<p>It seems like all D and I do this last couple of months is argue constantly!! Between my stress about getting her ready to go to school and putting on her graduation party I am totally on edge (not to mention the giant increase in gas prices has put me in a very bad mood) but she has been just as bad if not worse!! We argue about everything from her not doing her chores around the house to whether we will have cupcakes or a sheet cake at her party!! She seems to have this sense of entitlement lately which is so not her usual. IDK what to do anymore, this morning she was complaining about having to watch her brother (I was working a Saturday for OT which I am using to offset cost of college, cost of living, and this party) bc SHE needed a nap bc she had been at the Relay For Life all night. The attitude she gave me and her father was ridiculous, very exasperated then she said I was overreacting. This sort of thing has become the typical atmosphere around here lately and I find myself wanting her to go to college. Anyone else?</p>
<p>Although it isn't pleasant, this is often a rite of passage for parents as your graduating seniors are getting ready to fly the nest. When I went to summer orientation for oldest, the head of student health (a physician specializing in mental health issues for young adults) discussed how this was a time for restructuring relationships/boundaries. His comments on the rough transition during the summer before college got many nods and laughs throughout his talk. Since kids know I post on CC, I'll refrain from commenting on how close to home they hit for me!</p>
<p>My own mother often said "this too shall pass" and I've seen that phrase on this board multiple times - it's quite appropriate for this situation. Chances are excellent that she will develop an entirely new attitude by parents weekend this fall!</p>
<p>wow, i'm experiencing the same thing with my daughter. I thought i was alone.</p>
<p>Hi Momof3: Offering sympathy and a little hope: The grad party is incredibly stressfull! Ours was last night and I can't tell you how relieved I am to have it, the graduation ceremony and visits from relatives behind me. </p>
<p>The stress frenzy will peak and go away soon. Hopefully this will relieve some of the tension between you and your D. I know we were happy to relive the party this morning over coffee. Its a rollercoaster of a month.</p>
<p>Humor? from the other side: At S's school the guidence counselor told seniors to expect parents to sometimes present irritable because of separation issues and suggested reacting by saying something like "Mom/Dad, is this because you're going to miss me next year?"</p>
<p>This is really, really common. Many kids react to changes by becoming short-tempered and distant. You may feel like your wonderful kid has been abducted by aliens and replaced by some totally foreign child. Your kid may be feeling the same way!
Give in on the trivial things for the party. Unless it involves alcohol for minors it won't matter in the grand scheme of things.</p>
<p>I have heard the term , fouling the nest .. the young hatchling makes a 'mess of the nest' so it is psychologically easier to leave ... just a view , </p>
<p>I tell my wife to engage with my S as little as possible, if he slunks around, let him if you can ... so as not to create conflict--I am big on denial and conflict avoidance :)</p>
<p>Bingo! That's my DD too.</p>
<p>Whew, this makes me feel a little better. Even more out of character she apparently went to my DH for sympathy this morning after we argued. Normally it is those 2 butting heads and now the tables have really turned. I feel like I am in some surreal episode of the Dr Phil house or something.</p>
<p>Oh, just wait until your child comes home from her/his first year of college for the summer!! While I am thrilled to have my D home, I sometimes think it might be nice to send her back ... which wouldn't be too hard, since her stuff is STILL sitting in the living room waiting to be put away. It's only been a week. It's going to be a long summer ...</p>
<p>Yup. been there, done that. As they say, this is 'nature's way to make the separation from home to college less painful.At the end of the summer, D and I were very ready to put some distance between us.</p>
<p>To say 2nd semester senior year and the summer after were stressful would be a major understatement...I was totally unprepared for the "senioritis" thing, and extremely stressed over a kitchen remodel and the graduation party. We made it through graduation and the party. His attitude went from bad to worse. Yes, a big sense of entitlement which wasn't previously present.</p>
<p>CC parents who had gone before me kept me sane. Or at least a little sane, since I kept reading how this often happens. Moving him (he's oldest) to college and leaving him felt like I was chopping off a limb. The empty kitchen chair looked at me every day. Silent S type--he rarely communicated while I read complaints about D's who called too much.</p>
<p>Thankfully, by Thanksgiving most of my child was back, and things have continued to get progressively better, although there have been "moments". He is now back for the summer, things are still great, and we are all thrilled, especially his very close younger sister. Even if all his "stuff" is still in the dining room (and he got home 3 weeks ago...)</p>
<p>Hang in there. It's wonderful to watch them morph into responsible, independent adults. The butterfly is wonderful; the middle transition is not.</p>
<p>I recall saying during the uncomfortable 9th month of pregnancy, "The 9th month is a gift to women to make us crave labor."</p>
<p>I think summer after senior year is a parallel experience, except it makes you crave September.</p>
<p>Whenever my D went to Relay For Life, she didn't sleep at all and was a mess the next day. She wouldn't have been physically able to stay awake and babysit that day. But I know that your troubles are bigger than your D having a sleepless night. The second worst summer of my life was the one after HS graduation. The worst was the one after that. The next year was good, and this year is very nice. So there is hope.</p>
<p>Now, though, I would steer clear as much as possible, and try not to sweat the small stuff. As I have painfully learned, it takes two to have an argument. </p>
<p>I had never really felt anger in my life until I started to have problems with my D. One of the reasons I get angry is when I feel helpless and can't change something that is really bothering me. The anger is a signal to me that I need to figure out a new way to set a limit and take some action that will allow me to feel like the responsible grown-up that I am.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have had lots of experience with butting my head against the stone wall of my Ds strong personality and have had to work hard to stay calm in order to stay connected with her! It doesn't always work, but I keep trying.</p>
<p>It got so bad around here yesterday, that only an e-mail to my D could calm the situation down; without too many details, I basically wrote that her lashing out at us for stuff, while she refused to reveal what was really bothering her, was not going to be tolerated...yea, I know this is all normal, but what a pain in the butt....glad to see misery loves company......the most difficult part of the "senior summer", IMO, is the fact that there are things that HAVE to be done together; doesn't allow many options for tuning them out 24/7 (unless they are independent enough to get ready for September on their own....)</p>
<p>Sorry to say but I think most of us have experienced what you are going through. I can honestly say that during last summer there were times when I couldn't wait for him to leave for school. He was ready, I was ready, but time seemed to creep by.</p>
<p>nice post gladmom, I think you hit the the very core of the problem and a good way to try and handle things.</p>
<p>
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Oh, just wait until your child comes home from her/his first year of college for the summer!! While I am thrilled to have my D home, I sometimes think it might be nice to send her back ... which wouldn't be too hard, since her stuff is STILL sitting in the living room waiting to be put away. It's only been a week. It's going to be a long summer ...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Oh, yeah...and he's hardly ever here anyway. We're basically a parking lot and hotel service.</p>
<p>Thanks, sax. </p>
<p>I also think that most kids are experiencing some anxiety over the coming experience of college with all of its challenges. Almost everything that they do and every place they go will be new to them. I'd be a bit nervous, too. Some of these kids express this anxiety by being more "difficult."</p>
<p>And, Rodney, yes there are some things that have to be done together to help them get ready for college. But they can do quite a bit on their own.</p>
<p>If you will be spending money helping them to prepare, you have powerful tools with which to expect better behavior. Bad behavior = parent not available to go on the shopping trip or just not feeling like handing over the credit card number for online purchases.</p>
<p>Look at the situation from the biological angle--these teens have been physically mature for three to five years (or more), their hormones and evolutionary brain patterns have been telling them to "Breed! Conquer the Wooly Mammoth! Hunt, Gather, and fight that other Alpha Male/Female". </p>
<p>Yet they have been confined to calc class, celibacy (hopefully), and Mommy's rules--no wonder they are champing at the bit to roar out the door and claim their own new territories. How difficult it is for them to become willling partners in the quest for shower caddies and twin long sheets! </p>
<p>As a previous poster pointed out, this is truly a time of nature wielding it's power!</p>