<p>@OP
Good luck to you and your kid. Be supportive to your kid no matter the outcome will be.</p>
<p>My daughter didn’t apply EA/ED because she told me that she will not be able to handle the emotional aspect of a rejection just before her finals for her first semester Senior. She was trying to maintain her #1 rank and being accepted to a top rank school and being a Val is equally important to her. She didn’t get in to her #1 choice (Stanford, WL) but she had other good acceptances including and Ivy and some merit scholarships to Top 25 schools.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You can only attend one school.</p></li>
<li><p>Many schools can get you to the destination you want in life.</p></li>
<li><p>What school you go to doesn’t define you as a person or your worth, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>Failure isn’t rejection. Failure is not trying. “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Rejection and losing is how you learn. Get knocked down 9 times, get up 10. Frame this not as a high-stakes endeavor (because in the US, it isn’t so much) but more as an opportunity to learn and improve and grow. Stress that the process is important, not the result (and that’s true too, because the skills needed to get in to an elite school are fairly correlated to getting a good job and doing well at a job as well). If you know that you tried your hardest and reached the utmost of your potential, you should hold your head up high and be proud no matter what schools you end up getting in to (because admission to elite schools are capricious and out of your control to a degree, like many things in life). If you did not (and you would know), don’t be so proud because you could do better.</p>
<p>I think when it comes to reach schools it is important to separate qualification with expectation. The more selective the school, the more likely it is that a qualified applicant will not be offered admission. When you enter the realm of the most selective it is likely that the selection will be made based on things entirely out of your control. If she is not accepted to any of them console her. Tell her you are proud of the effort they made and they will have tremendous opportunities wherever they choose to attend. If she has chosen the schools wisely and they are a good fit for her it is likely she will be accepted to some. </p>
<p>When our D was waiting we discussed the acceptance rates at the reach schools she was applying to. She knew that academically she was qualified for the reach universities she applied to, however, most likely so was everyone else. When she was rejected by by both her reach schools it did sting a little (one she had decided she would not have applied to if given the opportunity to do it over). At that point she had acceptances to all of her safeties and matches. In the end she was able to attend the university that would probably have been her choice even if she had been accepted at the reaches. </p>
<p>I agree that you set the tone now. We were frank when D1 narrowed her list- that she was qualified, but that we couldn’t know what the results would be. And when she hit Submit, we said, you’re a great candidate, those schools would be lucky to have you, but now it’s in their hands and we can’t know all the factors they’ll face. </p>
<p>She didn’t want the flagship (they didn’t have her specific major, which she was set on. It just served as her ultimate safety.) But when that answer came back quickly, she was happy, nonetheless. </p>
<p>D wants to apply to 4 reaches, (also has safeties & matches) and I am mentally preparing to shout “Their loss!” and take out the ice cream.
My bugger problem is H, who is all about the reaches. [-( </p>
<p>You are way ahead of us! My son is still trying to find some matches and safeties he’s be delighted to attend. The only school he loves is Brown. Uh oh. So, yeah, we have a lot of guidance to give! </p>
<p>To answer your question, rejections always sting, even if they aren’t the student’s top choice. That’s part of life.</p>
<p>DD went through this last cycle. She applied to 11 schools total. None ED/EA. The one school that was at the TOP Of her list turned out to be a huge bomb when she did an overnight last November(5 days before the ED app was due). She then decided to apply RD to the others on her list.</p>
<p>The acceptance dates were late March/early April. I have to be honest, I worried from 12/31 until her first likely letters arrived in February. I didn’t sleep at all. I never shared my angst with her. She was shocked to learn how much I worried. She was fine, after she hit submit, she moved on and didn’t think twice about college. She wanted to enjoy the remainder of her senior year. Lol I was the one who was a ball of nerves! </p>
<p>I even stopped visiting College Confidential last fall, I couldn’t deal with the parents posts about their kids getting their apps in in a timely manner. It drove me nuts!! Lol the more I read about the Parents of 2014 offspring getting things done, the more DD & I fought about her dragging her feet. She finally got them in on 12/31. By the skin of her teeth!! </p>
<p>OP: Are all 10 super reaches? Does she have any matches? Or if she doesn’t get into the ED/EA schools she will e be happy to attend the safeties? For a student that has the stats to at least enter the lottery at the tippy top schools, there are likely schools ranked slightly lower that have higher acceptance rates and thus may be more matches. That may be what your daughter is doing, but if not, you may want to add one. </p>
<p>If she doesn’t get an acceptance she likes in the first batch–my mind is still boggling at the thought of having heard for 8 schools so early!–she can always regroup and add a couple more to her list and easily make the Jan and Feb deadlines.</p>
<p>My S was deferred by his SCEA school, and then had to apply to every other place on his list–insanity, but he is a major procrastinator–then wait until late March/ April to hear from the rest. I think he strove to just put it out of his mind.</p>
<p>The key is having some matches. The kids I’ve seen who run into problems have all reaches and 1 safety, since they never imagine that they won’t get into at least one of their reaches. When they don’t get into any of the reaches, they are left with a school they never seriously considered. If they had added some matches to the list, they might haven been happier. Of course, if the safety is one that the student would be happy to attend, then it isn’t a problem. </p>
<p>Both my son and daughter applied to several schools EA - and it was really a relief to hear ‘yes’ early on–even if it wasn’t a top choice, or if the $$$ offered wasn’t nearly enough. If nothing else, it confirmed that the application was okay, i.e. no major faux pas or missing piece. The EA schools made the final 3 or 4 for each of them–in part because I think they had the time to picture themselves there, interface w/ other accepted students on Facebook, etc. - having a bit more of a window to think about a school, visit, etc. we found invaluable - this vs. hearing March 31st and having a month to decide. Truly, getting that first ‘yes’ makes a world of difference. One thing you need to consider is the size of the freshman class at the schools you are applying to - if they’re all small LACs with 500 - 600 freshmen, there are very few chairs in this game of musical chairs. If you’ve got a couple of schools on the list that are larger and have more seats–or beds–your chances go up, assuming you’ve got stats that fall in the 50% range of the school. I can also warn you that you very well may second guess yourself well into freshman year. </p>
<p>The beauty is that your student is the first (only?) in the family to go through the process. For my current senior, it’s rather not fair. His older brother got accepted to all his colleges and this son won’t-- won’t even come close. I imagine he’ll see mostly rejections, to be honest.</p>
<p>Hopefully, we’ve downplayed it enough so it just won’t be a big deal. He’s prepared (I think?) to attend community college or the local state univ should he get in. We <em>really</em> have low expectations because college admissions are just so competitive. But I do love the post above that talks about applying and doing your best. That’s all our kids can do. In the end, there’s college out there for them somewhere, even if it’s community college. My son is applying to colleges that range in admissions rate from 5% to 91%. I think that covers a lot of ground. :-)</p>
<p>I’m hoping that some of her EA choices are actually matches for your D. If not, it’s not too late to find a few and apply to them yet this fall if you want. There are some state schools that evaluate only on test scores and GPA and give a response in 48 hours (my D had two of these, both schools she likes a lot). It’s great to have some acceptances in the bag so early in the season. </p>
<p>My older son applied to 11 schools. Got accepted by six. Had three waitlists – Harvard, Duke and Cornell. He was quite disappointed with the wailists. He truly thought he would get into one of those schools. Ended up at his safety, the U. of Alabama. Graduated with better than a 4.0. Two degrees. Two minors. Traveled all over the world. Even went to the BCS game in Miami. He not only survived but thrived. It was an awesome college experience, and he graduated debt-free (he was a National Merit Scholar, so he got a wonderful financial package). </p>
<p>Still, although he loved his undergrad experience, he longed for acceptance at an Ivy or Stanford for law school. It did not happen, and he is so glad it didn’t. He is currently at UVA Law on scholarship, and is having an incredible experience. Learning so much. Meeting people from all over the world. Many opportunities for internships and fellowships. So sometimes, the best thing that happens to a student is rejection or a waitlist. </p>
<p>My younger son got into all nine schools last year. He had great financial offers, too. In the end, he took a full tuition scholarship to a smaller university that gave him the chance to run cross country/track and get a great education in math/econ. Several classmates thought his decision was not smart, but he is having an awesome first semester, so much so that he told me that he would like to stay a fifth year to finish at least one masters degree.</p>
<p>I always tell students that you end up at the college/university where you are supposed to be. My sons agree. </p>
<p>Not necessarily, thumper. Because we’re private homeschoolers and my son applied/is applying to a lot of Cal State and UC schools, even though he has a great SAT (2230) and a good GPA (3.95/4.47) and some national and local awards, honors, etc., admissions are not at all guaranteed because the Cal States and UCs have been traditionally very “in the box”. So while his stats are in the 75%ile for all those schools except perhaps UCLA, I don’t know for a fact that he’ll get into any of them. That’s 8 colleges that don’t have a high view of private homeschooling. Thus, when I say I am expecting rejections, that would be the reason for those schools.</p>
<p>Out of 17 schools, four are reaches, five are matches and the rest are (or should be) safeties. He’s already been admitted to one school.</p>
<p>Hey, I had no expectations for my oldest, truly! And he got into Ivies, STEM schools, etc. I still stand by my low/no expectations rule. </p>