<p>First of all, I can't believe that after 15 months here (feels like 15 years in dog terms :) that my D is finally turning in actual college applications...thanks to all of you for getting us this far.</p>
<p>D applied EA to 2 colleges at the beginning of the month,,,,another 4 last night...she's already had her alumni interviews with 4 colleges with more on the way....and then the final 6 colleges by Nov.1 </p>
<p>Now what i'm dealing with is knowing that except for the two safeties (both our state universities), there's a very decent chance that she could be facing 8+ rejections by Christmas....which I guess is fine...and that she is intellectually prepared for....but now i'm wondering if all of this rejection is going to just be too much...or maybe its my fragile ego that i"m concerned over. LOL. Those of you with kids who have gone through this, any advice? </p>
<p>As long as you don’t have a list of all reaches, she should get some acceptances. My concern with students over-reaching isn’t their ego, but not getting into a college they see themselves happy at. The student who has some match and safeties that they really like will be content no matter how this turns out. </p>
<p>Some time ago I watched a student apply to high reach after reach… this student would not have taken my advice to consider other colleges. While he didn’t get into the reach schools, he got accepted at several matches that are really fine colleges. The problem was that he wasn’t happy with them because he was focused on the reaches. </p>
<p>No matter how this turns out, if your D has chosen some match and safety colleges- made a connection with them, and likes them, she will be OK.</p>
<p>Prepare yourself first. Don’t <em>memorize</em> a speech, but have something ready. Be sure to acknowledge her disappointment; don’t brush it off.</p>
<p>This is very true. Our son is finishing up his EA apps, one of which is a likely that he would be very happy to attend. No significant stress here.</p>
<p>@SomeOldGuy … so true I was thinking the other day…when did I last apply for a job where I interviewed at 12 different places and then I went home to wait for rejections? Colleges is truly odd in that way…there’s an interesting mix of being seduced into certain colleges…also attracted by colleges that friends are talking up…along with fears that to get into 1 college, you need to apply to 10 so you can then choose from 2 or 3…</p>
<p>My older son heard from one safety early which provided some relief. He got deferred from both EA schools, then had four rejections - I’m pretty sure I was more upset than he was - before getting into two schools - one the hardest to get into on his list and the other less selective, except he only applied to the most selective part of that university which put it on a par with the rejects. Unless your kid really loves the safeties there’s bound to be some disappointment if that’s all they get to choose from, but most kids are pretty resilient.</p>
<p>As to how to deal with it- I don’t think it is a good idea to tell everyone where you are applying. It is a common thing for students to talk about, and also a conversations starter. I ask high school seniors myself, but some have chosen not to tell me and I respect their decision. It is very stressful for them to apply and risk rejection. </p>
<p>I think it is OK to tell people who are caring and supportive of your D. However, some people just aren’t up to date on colleges these days and may make comments that are not supportive. My kids and I heard some comments about the colleges on their list from people who haven’t been to college in over 40 years. They were able to take this in stride because we had talked about how college admissions have changed over the years, as well as some colleges that have become much more competitive to get into than they used to be. </p>
<p>Reducing your talk helps too. Do not be critical of any college on your child’s list- that could be the one she goes to. Find some things you like about every one of them and speak positively about them. </p>
<p>A rejection hurts. There is no way around this. If you take a risk- apply to a reach- there is a chance of rejection. If this happens, give some TLC. Spend some time with her, give her a hug. It’s your caring that counts. Be excited about every acceptance and congratulate her. </p>
<p>You will get stressed too, but vent here, go to the gym, do something, but don’t let your stress influence her. She’s got enough going on. </p>
<p>Why apply to 8+ schools with a good chance of rejection. Sounds like a waste of money plus a good chance of rejection depression… Pick a few schools that are realistic and go for it. </p>
<p>Well @CollegeInformed there’s the rub… she’s borderline competitive for every school she’s applied to…which perhaps will make the sting all the worse… </p>
<p>All, appreciate this kind & helpful advice…I think a game of low expectations will be our best approach… </p>
<p>I agree with what everyone else here has said. DS1 and I were SO lucky. Having an early acceptance to a complete financial safety early on (Pre-October) made SUCH a difference in the way his college app process went. If there is any way to help your child fall in love with their safeties (campus visits, spending time with other local admits, etc.), the stress level over the next six months will be considerably less.</p>
<p>DS had a favorite reach school early on. His expectations of acceptance were realistic. He had the stats to be accepted. But, so did most of the other students who would later be rejected. He had a couple of other schools that he liked enough that he thought he could be happy there, but we honestly had absolutely no idea how things would go for him. </p>
<p>He eventually was accepted by half of his schools and rejected or waitlisted by half. He didn’t care at all about the rejections or waitlists because he had set his expectations for all of his reach schools so low that when several of them accepted him, it was a huge surprise and he could not have cared any less about those who didn’t.</p>
<p>If he had not gotten into his top school on Ivy Day (which was on his birthday!), he would have been disappointed. But he already had another reach acceptance, and he would have been extraordinarily happy going to his financial safety (which he would have chosen over the Top 25 he was accepted to the week before).</p>
<p>So, I would just mind the chatter about “reach” or “dream” schools (feel free to obsess on CC all you want–you’ll be in great company ), help her fall in love with her safeties by making THEM the focus of this year–then, if additional acceptances come in, the acceptances will be the huge surprises and not the rejections.</p>
<p>Crossing my fingers that things go well for your daughter!</p>
<p>Some acceptances come in small envelopes…with larger ones following.</p>
<p>Both of my kids had acceptances before thanksgiving to schools they liked, even though to others they seemed like safeties. And each of my kids was rejected at one school also. DD was rejected from a mega reach…so this was totally expected.</p>
<p>DS was rejected at University of Maryland College Park. He was well above their accepted student profile in 2003…CR/Math of 1340. GPA above 3.5. It was odd. But not a big deal as he had other acceptances.</p>
<p>My son applied to 10 and was rejected from 5. Accepted to his three “safeties” and two schools that were near or at the top of his list. We explicitly refused to talk about first choices, favorites, safeties with anyone outside the family, and even inside the family, we talked up the ones we all knew he was very likely to get into. We jumped up and down when he was accepted in early April to his “safeties”, commiserated on “Ivy Day” when he got a bunch of rejections, and were honestly blown away on the last day when he was accepted to the school he’s at (Swarthmore). It is hard. But please keep telling anyone who asks that your kid will be happy wherever she goes. Please let it be true too! But I think too many people don’t pay much attention to those “safeties” rather than making sure that they really do have something special to offer, whether it’s “right sized”, “beautiful campus”, “great climate”, “caring professors”, whatever it is that appeals to you. </p>
<p>Well, it might sting. I think I would have your D visualize herself at different places, especially at those safeties.</p>
<p>My S had a mix of yeses and nos. He had friends where he ended up, even had a potential roommate lined up, so when his fate was determined, he just rolled into that scenario. </p>
<p>Depending on the schools she applied to, your daughter may well be waiting until late March for a decision from several of them, so no worries! Easy for me to say, right? Seriously, <em>enjoy</em>, this time, the here and now, with your daughter and best of luck.</p>
<p>Be sure she’s defined a safety as a college she’s sure to get into AND that she’ll be happy to attend. My D got her first admission from her safety and low and behold, that’s where she’s at today! She was accepted to all her colleges excepting a waitlist decision by Davidson. That wasn’t a huge surprise but what was interesting was her reaction. It was no big deal. It’s likely you’ll find your D is resilient and delighted with the options she’ll by come May 2015. </p>
<p>I think I saw a comment previously along the lines of “Too bad they are losing such a good student like you”. If she truly likes her safety then everything else is gravy.</p>
<p>DS was rejected at only one school (MIT - so we were prepared for him to be in that 91% batch). </p>
<p>For us the hard thing was an acceptance at a favored school that came w/o the hoped for merit scholarship. Luckily we had told him all along that it was off the table at full-pay. I’m not sorry he applied. Just really glad that we clearly laid out the ground rules in the fall. </p>
I was thinking the other day…when did I last apply for a job where I interviewed at 12 different places and then I went home to wait for rejections? Colleges is truly odd in that way…there’s an interesting mix of being seduced into certain colleges…also attracted by colleges that friends are talking up…along with fears that to get into 1 college, you need to apply to 10 so you can then choose from 2 or 3…</p>
), help her fall in love with her safeties by making THEM the focus of this year–then, if additional acceptances come in, the acceptances will be the huge surprises and not the rejections.</p>