<p>Time to start applying. D has worked hard and done incredibly well in terms of grades, scores, EC's, yada, yada.</p>
<p>We've gone on a bunch of college tours over the last year and seen the schools that we all agreed would be appropriate (reach, safety, matches.)</p>
<p>She was marginally excited about only one of the schools, (I think the because of the "hot" guy who led the tour) but when she learned that it would be a safety for her, she was no longer interested. ("I've worked much too hard to go to that school.")</p>
<p>So the dilemma - when you ask her where she's interested in going she kind of shrugs her shoulders. She's not excited about any particular place and doesn't want to do research on any other schools. We've pretty much narrowed down her applications to the places that we visted. She doesn't argue, but doesn't seem to care ("I just want to get out of high school.")</p>
<p>I'm concerned about this apathy. Should I just walk away and tell her to give me a list - that this has to be her decision? Anyone else have this problem?</p>
<p>My son is very easy going, and he had this type of attitude after a few college visits. He felt that most schools he saw suited him fine (not all of them though), and that he had seen enough. I told him not to apply to any schools where he would not be happy attending. I did not need to ask for his list bc his GC did that part with him. He then gave the list to me. He was less apathetic in April. That is when it all came together and he realized that he would be attending one of the schools in the fall. It suddenly became real, and not something in the distant future (ie: 10 mos. away). He had plenty of acceptances and that is when he really started to think about which school was a better fit for him, and the positives and negatives about each school. Truly, he could have been happy at any of the schools that he applied to, but he would never admit to that today. He loves the school he attends, and says that he would never want to be anyplace else. Honestly, if he had to transfer for some reason, it would be an adjustment, but he is the type of person that can adapt to a new environment easily.</p>
<p>Sounds like your D might be suffering from a little bit of burn-out. Happens sometimes to kids who work very hard in HS. So, the big moment has arrived, and she doesn't have much enthusiasm...maybe she has some unexpressed fears(?) or maybe she's just not sure what she wants to do(?)
Try to talk to her about something she is passionate about and maybe work into the conversation something about a college that has a rep for this. You may have to do a bit of extra research on your own. </p>
<p>My D was not initially thrilled to be talking about college a few months ago. After 5 hours of hw and 3 hours of EC's per day, mostly, she was just tired. She, definitely, was apprehensive, too, after hearing some stories from former students who returned to her HS to speak about their Freshman experiences. After exams, she turned into a different person. We had a very open conversation and she went into research mode trying to find schools that were right for her. Now she is very excited about her future.</p>
<p>I realize that the clock is ticking for you, but do try getting her to open up first before you finalize things.</p>
<p>That's not something normal (I'm in high school). She seems to be burnt-out which can be dangerous going into senior year because it's so important to do well in 12th grade.</p>
<p>Have you tried to have your husband or other family members like grand parents to ask her about the list of schools that she is interested in ? My son did the same to me. However, he made a list of colleges he likes when my wife asked him.</p>
<p>We have had a what sounds like a comparable situation with our S. Professes apathy and often shrugs his shoulders in response to our queries abuout his current thinking re. school choices (he is also going into his senior year.) I think he is really much more scared than he will let on to us. The whole process is so daunting, so rather than revealthat he is heavily invested in any place(s), he tends to defensively put on a rather blank appearance about it. I have heard from family friends, however, that when they talk to him he is much more forthcoming, and actually mentions names of real places he is interested in. Imagine my amazement a couple of weeks ago when he announced (unprompted) that there was another school he was planning on looking at, and that he had asked someone else, an alum at another school he is especially interested in, for a recommendation.</p>
<p>I would back off and trust that she is thinking about more than she is letting you know.</p>
<p>I have a rising senior S who is also very apathetic. He is a very average student who will need to make a decison on whether he wants to go to a state u. right away or stay at home and attend the local Comm. College for 2 years first. We have done no college visits. Hope to do a couple this fall but he doesn't seem interested when I mention it. It's like trying to push molasses uphill. </p>
<p>I'm trying to back off and let him steer his ship. I'm hoping when sch. starts back next week (and he starts his first Comm. Coll. class) he might get a little more interested in his future. Take heart OP. You are not alone.</p>
<p>Perhaps internet tours would be less stressful. Sometimes lack of a clear front runner is actually a blessing; when there is a favorite that doesn't come through it can be very painful. I didn't know how much my son wanted to attend the college he will be starting until he received the acceptance. His comment was, "this is the one I've been waiting for."</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree, she is probably overwhelmed. Give her some time and space. She and her friends will talk about it and process it, and then she'll probably be better able to discuss it with you.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for your responses. Being overwhelmed and burned out probably have lots to do with it. We had another conversation this evening and she said that she probably won't really know where she wants to go until starts getting accepted. Then she can go visit the schools on the whittled-down list.</p>
<p>Sounds like it make sense. Thanks again for the thoughtful responses.</p>
<p>i'm a very excited about college hs senior w/ very little motivation meaning College is something i look foward to in the near future but i feel no motivation to look at stuff..</p>
<p>While i haven only been to 3 college campus's i can say i am finally getting a crack down ive made my final list of 5 more colleges to visit..</p>
<p>and i plan on visiting them soon NEXT WEEK soon(August 25 Sat. info session w/ Campus tour @ adelphi University in Garden City<3, NY i was born and raised in RVC(rockville Centre),NY the next town over only to have my life destroyed by being dragged to another part of Long Island I attended Nursery school my sister attended n-12th and my other sister attended k-5 at the small private school next door to Adelphi if i were to attend Adelphi i wouldn't miss one event at the private school b/c there events are auesome and I'm always very welcome there they love me there...)</p>
<p>Also I'm gonna visit Misericordia(I can say it now!) September 28 and Curry College October 21</p>
<p>I have 2 undecided visiting dates for Lynn U(the most exciting weekend break there is it involves flying into FT. Lauderdale visiting Lynn driving 3 hours to Orlando seeing my best friend and then seeing my grandpa..)</p>
<p>and Manhattanville which b/c of its location i think my visit 2 will be sooner then later...it's about 1.5 hours away..</p>
<p>I'm very excited for every visit now that i've gotten everything undercontrol my plan is after every college visit if i like the school and i want to apply i will start it immediately afterwards...maybe get an application from the admissions office</p>
<p>I thought my S was apathetic too, but then I realized, he's scared of making a wrong decision (so male!). He just doesn't want to admit he made a mistake and chose a school he's not happy with. </p>
<p>I asked him: write a short essay describing what you are doing 2-1/2 years from now. Where are you? What are you wearing? Who are you with? Then, I asked the same questions of him, but he was to imagine himself in 10 years... 27 years old, at work. Do you have a tie on? Are you inside? Do you own a new car, used car, no car? Are you alone most of the day? With a whole bunch of people in an office?.... You get the idea. This small exercise helped him nail down what he wanted to get out of college. </p>
<p>Ironically, he then chose two, as a start. One is over 2600 miles from my house, the other 40!</p>
<p>OP, sounds like my daughter. She is also dealing with coursework for fall classes and preparing for some standardized tests. She get's some bursts of interests, if we make a casual college visit. She admits "It's all so big"</p>
<p>Although jfs thinks this is not normal, I have to say - as a parent - that I find this very very very normal. Not for every kid, but for many kids. I know it was true for mine. And I distinctly remember finding many kindred spirits here on the Parent Forum that year (he is now a rising college junior). And I've seen it ever since.</p>
<p>Remember that this is her last week of summer vacation. That there will begin to be more and more talk of college choices among her schools peers, the Guidance Counselors... over the next weeks as she returns to school. But don't expect her interest level to jump right away necessarily.</p>
<p>I think that if you leave it alone for a bit (not easy, I know), she is highly likely to emerge showing interest in a couple of months (yes, I said months ;)). I remember how my husband and I used to joke how much fun <em>we</em> were having looking at lists of possible schools, sorting them as to reachy - safety blah blah. S didn't seem to want to focus on it at all.</p>
<p>In mid-October he emerged from his lair, unprompted, to tell us of his top choice and his other possibles. He actually had been ruminating over it in his own way.</p>
<p>It will happen.</p>
<p>(Meanwhile you have the Parent Forum. We are endlessly interested :D).</p>
<p>To be honest, from what I read on here no wonder the whole choosing a college experience is so daunting to students - I read about visiting a dozen or more schools, applying to as many - I'd be confused and overwhelmed too! </p>
<p>For the overwhelmed or unmotivated, I'd suggest using the "one school at a time" method - start with a school maybe close to home that is easily accessible to explore - maybe one larger and one smaller school. Visit, ask questions, make some notes afterwards - discuss it and then take a short break. Parents tend to want to jump in both feet first and tackle many schools in a short period of time - for some kids, I think this turns them off. </p>
<p>That's also why I'm in favor of starting the college search VERY SLOWLY but earilier - like the summer before junior year just to get your feet wet.</p>
<p>This is very normal - your d has the same reaction as mine did at this time last year. She schlepped to colleges dutifully, but I had to research them (she had veto power) and arrange the tours. She did her applications because she had to. And she refused to "rank" her schools in any particular order until she knew where she had gotten in.</p>
<p>Remember that, unless your d has applied to a private high school, this is the first time in her life in which she doesn't know where she's going to be next year. It's the first time in which she can face real rejection. It's the first time in which she has a choice, and it's the first time in which her efforts can have a serious effect on the outcome. That's overwhelming for anyone, much less a 17 or 18 year old!</p>
<p>If you can ask your d generic questions about schools - urban or rural, large or small, big sports or not, certain activities available - you may be able to do some of the early research & weeding out of colleges for her. Then with the common app available, she may be willing to apply to some of them without visiting. As long as it's not binding, not visiting beforehand doesn't hurt - my d is excitedly preparing to go to a school she only saw in April after acceptance.</p>
<p>Good luck in the process - it can be a wild ride!</p>
<p>Everyone has a different reaction to this extremely difficult and stressful process. Your child may seem apathetic, and maybe she is, but it also could be her manner of coping. She definitely knows what's ahead of her and you, and it really is daunting. We went through it a year ago, with similar "denial" and it worked out great. But it is so difficult. Just try to make it part of the routine, and if her school as a reasonable college guidance office they will help. If you don't have that as a resource, then you will get through it anyway. If it turns out that she doesn't want to go to college, that is really not the worst thing in the world. She can defer for a year and do something else, or she can apply later when and if she is ready. It is all going to work out. It is overwhelming for these students, as earlier posters have said.</p>
<p>Perhaps a few weeks into the new school year, your student could visit a friend who graduated last spring at his/her college campus. Stay in the dorm overnight, go to classes, bring homework to do at the library while host friend studies, etc. </p>
<p>It might help because then the student could picture herself at college and it would also open up discussion as to what she liked/didn't like about the experience</p>
<p>My D found the whole process overwhelming and tours and visits uninformative. We ended up agreeing that I would give her a list of 20 or so colleges for her to consider, and her job would be to cross colleges off that list. She has specific academic interests and her stats were known, so I included appropriate safety, match and reach schools on her list. She found it easy to cross things off. In the end she had 6 schools she wanted to apply to, and her dad and I had 3 more (of which we convinced her to apply to one). We had to do a lot of nagging and cajoling to get her to work on her applications. She didn't really fully engage in the process until April, when the results were in. The trips she took after acceptance were useful and she came back with a strong opinion about which college she wanted to attend. She leaves next week and has had no second thoughts about her decision over the summer; she is very excited about her college. I know every kid is different, OP, but there is hope!</p>
<p>I'm with mother of perl, if OP's D is not maturely putting a class A effort into selecting the short list of schools to apply to, then a parent needs to do it. This is just too important to try to turn it into an object lesson for planning ahead. </p>
<p>It would be nice if kids this age were mature and focussed enough to do this themselves, but in my experience hardly any are. Think of this as the last important thing you do for them before you kick them out of the nest.</p>