Oops sent post twice. I don’t even know how I did that.
You can tell them that getting straight A’s and a perfect SAT score doesn’t guarantee an Ivy League acceptance and that there are lots of colleges that will give yo a great education and open lots of doors for you. But that won’t change their way of thinking or their behavior.
They’re still going to drive you crazy with the Ivy fixation. And they aren’t going to relax.
Stay strong. Keep working hard. Eventually your parents will start to relax.
@sherpa Lol I’ve already told them that. The good thing is I am only about a year away from not hearing my parents ever yell again since I am a junior right now and I will be in a college dorm next year.
Don’t kid yourself. Even when you’re away at college, and even when you’re a self sufficient adult, they’re still going to worry if you’re doing the right thing, stress out about your decisions, and maybe even yell at you.
That’s what parents do, especially Asian parents.
And I’d like to add that you’re demonstrating a very healthy attitude here. I’m wishing you the best.
@sherpa. Yes, that’s true, but it will be a lot more manageable since I won’t be living at home and I won’t be yelled at everyday. I will only be yelled at maybe 3 times a year which I think is doable.
Yes, it’ll be a lot easier as you gradually separate from them.
My wife is still yelled at a few times a year by her 90 year old Asian father over the silliest things. It’s in his DNA to second guess his kids.
I really feel for you. I grew up with many friends whose parents were Asian immigrants, and I witnessed a few parental interactions along the lines of what you’ve described (and heard from my friends about many, many more.) I had a close friend whose parents told her, throughout our childhood and adolescence, “Your life is your own the day you graduate from medical school.” Yes, she’s a doctor now, but one who has led a resentful and relatively unhappy life. As you surely know, there is an idea inherent to many Asian cultures that if parents don’t behave this way, they aren’t doing right by their children. To be happy with anything less than excellence/perfection would be seen as outright neglect; a parent’s job is to set the bar impossibly high, and the child’s job is to rise to that expectation. From a mental health perspective, it’s no secret that some children cannot handle the extreme pressure you’ve described, and I’m relieved to read that you are doing all right. Be sure to seek help and support if it ever gets to be too much. As you’ve correctly noted, we all have two chances to experience a parent-child relationship: once as a child and again as a parent. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and you’ll be free to chart your own territory soon. And someday, you’ll be the parent of a high schooler, and you’ll do things differently.
Below the anger is fear.
Time for you to find a new set of parents. I am saying this as an Asian parent.
If that is true, then most Asian parents are unhappy or neglectful, because very few of their students are perfect in school (whether in the US getting into a prestigious university, or in some other country doing well enough in a high stakes exam to go to a university).
This post made me very sad. 
I am very sorry that you are going through this. You are clearly thoughtful and introspective. The same parenting techniques are not appropriate for all children.
You are your own person. Never forget that. You will have triumphs and disappointments, like all of us. Believe in yourself. Hopefully you will find a community of friends who are supportive and inspiring to you.
People are who they are. You cannot change them. Undoubtedly they are doing what they think is the best way to raise you. Children don’t come with an owners’ manual, so all of us do the best we can, often imitating the way we ourselves were parented, for good or bad.
Find a place where you will thrive and feel welcome. That may be at a top school, and it may not. Of course, there are many ways to measure what makes a top school. You will get a similar education at many schools, to me the big difference is the people you will meet and the way they will impact the rest of your life. Try to stay centered emotionally.
Best of luck to you, really.
Live your life so you will have very few regrets. If you do everything your parents want, you won’t be living your own life and you WILL have a lot of regrets.
I’m sorry about your parents. I imagine they mean well and feel they are pushing you to do your best, but IMO it is not a recipe for success. Do you think you can talk to your parents about how you are feeling? As a mom I always felt that as long as my kids did their best that I should be happy.
Sadly, I have seen parents like yours really mess up kids – I’m sorry to say but there is a chance that they will never be satisfied. Once you get into college they may start pushing for med school (or some other type of profession they like) and then the race starts again. My D has a friend who went to an Ivy league school, worked super hard, and the parents were upset she “just” got into DO school (rather than a MD program) and she was devastated. Another kid still feels like she is a disappointment to her parents for “only” going to Columbia Law School (didn’t get into Harvard Law School) even though she now works for one of the best law firms in the country. These two highly accomplished young people should be feeling amazing about where they are in life, but they let their parent’s digs undermine their confidence and dilute their satisfaction.
I urge you to try to find happiness and satisfaction for a job well done within yourself. Try to seek out an encouraging adult at school (ex. guidance counselor, a teacher you got along well with) to help you through, Most importantly understand that all you can do is give your very best effort. Some things (ex. if you get into an Ivy college or not) are largely out of your control so you (and your parents) will have to live with the results however they turn out.
I would imagine not…When are you getting into medical school? When are you getting into a competitive specialty? When are you getting a fellowship? When are you making partner?
The problem you have right now is:
- Who is paying for college? If they are, this is the price you have to pay…your parents nagging.
But at some point, you are an adult. You will be financially independent. You can set boundaries however YOU want.
There’s always going to be 2 sides to any story and this is no exception. You might find that your parents are a bit too old school or whatever, but I guarantee you they do love you and are doing this to try and fulfill your potential to the fullest. Yes you can argue whether this is the best approach or not, but once you turn 25 or so you’ll realize I’m probably right on this.
Lebronislit said:
@oldfort Lol I’m not stressed. I’m just annoyed by all the yelling. I’m totally ok not getting into the Ivy League or top school although I would love to get into one of them.
The other side of the story may involve parents overwhelmed with fear for the future of a child who appears insouciant.
@agreatstory Not sure I agree. But certainly you get props for working insouciant into a CC post. Well done.
Maybe, but this is something you can address. It sounds like you emphasize with them. We don’t know your parents, but we strongly suspect that they do love you and want the best for you. You’ll be fine and so will they.
*empathize Spellcheck fail. (Or possible drunk post - I can’t remember which now.)