<p>OP - In our family, we use skype just for the PM/text function. In your case it would make sense to set up it up full with video/voice connections too. Also, try hard to spend next summer after freshman year back home again.</p>
<p>Hi OP, I work in the field of developmental special needs, and I also have a sibling with a developmental challenge. I second (third?) the suggestions by Wrldtrvlr.</p>
<p>I agree that you should not change your college plans, but supporting your brother and parents (and his intervention staff) this summer and through the use of skype during the school year would be most helpful. Remember, that due to email, if you have a signed release to be informed and in contact with the professionals working with him, you can do this via email, and even potentially participate in conferences/IEP meetings. I fully agree that you will be better able to support your brother in the long term if you have pursued your academic goals and life dreams. </p>
<p>Most regions have Parent Resource Centers, and many of them have subgroups for the more common immigrant groups in their area to be able to give culturally sensitive support or information in the most accessible language. Feel free to PM me if you want me to look through my resources for appropriate information in your area, wherever you live, but especially if you are in CA. (There are some great resources, but I believe we are not allowed to link to these through CC. Or is that only for college stuff? It is the end of a long work day, so I am not thinking or writing in a very coherent way.) </p>
<p>Remember that our relationships with our siblings are some of the longest relationships we will have in our life. For a sibling of someone with a developmental special need, this means that you need to think more in the framework of a marathon rather than a sprint in terms of providing him with the help and support that you want to give and that he deserves. Wishing you well.</p>
<p>All the postings/advice to the OP so far has been very good. But remember, if the OP’s parents are first generation immigrants from another country . . . that throws an entirely different light on the family dynamic.</p>
<p>We don’t know where the OP’s family are from. Are they from Europe or Asia? </p>
<p>My parents are Asian, and I grew up in a first generation immigrant family with a hearing disability. Because hearing disability is generally not noticeable and Asian families generally do not like to call attention to themselves, I didn’t really receive the IEP services I needed until my last two years of high school. </p>
<p>If they are from Asia, it is important to realize that people with development and physical disabilities are generally stigmatized in Asia. The issue then become whether the parents have accepted having a disabled child, and love the said child enough to pursue seeking resources to help the child.</p>
<p>To be blunt, your priority right now has to be your own education. </p>
<p>Because in all likelihood, you’re going to be supporting your autistic brother financially later in his life in addition to your responsibilities to your own family. You may also end up being his guardian at some point. </p>
<p>In the meantime, it is fortunate that your brother is approaching the age where he will be enrolled in school. Even if he did not receive any interventions before school age, once he is in school, it will quickly become evident that he has special needs. The school will communicate with your parents, and things will start to happen. The results may not be ideal, but they should lead to some progress in getting your brother at least some of the services that could be helpful to him.</p>
<p>It is a difficult situation. Hugs for all of your care and caring. This is really something you have to decide on your own. I’ve known students who did not go away to school, who eschewed more selective schools, schools they preferred due to home situations. I also know those who have continued their education elsewhere. You have to list all of the issues in place and make this difficult decision yourself.</p>
<p>I stayed home for two years to care for my dying father and then needy mother once upon a time, and have no regrets doing so. But it was a tough decision at the time. My brother wanted to take a leave from his college, but we vehemently told him not to do so, as he was in his final year, Had he been at a break, we might have felt differently. So there are a lot of issues to address in any case.</p>
<p>many schools districts have public preschool for special needs kids (K4)- i would go to the school district office and ask now- also once he gets in the system- it will help.</p>
<p>grad11–other posters have had some great ideas of ways to get more help for your brother while you are away at school. Certainly making the school aware of your concerns would be important. Re your guilt, please keep in mind that parents are ultimately responsible.</p>
<p>At least in my state, students with autism are eligible for free early intervention. You can contact your local school district & ask to speak with the Director of Special Education (or the person who heads up special ed). This person will be an invaluable resource. Your brother should be in school this fall. Early intervention is important.</p>
<p>YOU should continue with your college plans. You will not be abandoning your family by doing so. Technology offers numerous ways to keep in touch. It is important for you to continue your education, and it is possible to do so even while being “there” for your family (if not physically, certainly emotionally). The school district can help. Your brother’s physician should also be able to provide some help. A really great resource is The Friendship Circle: [Friendship</a> Circle International — Worldwide Acceptance for Special Children](<a href=“http://www.friendshipcircle.com/]Friendship”>http://www.friendshipcircle.com/). Hopefully, there is a location near your family. There may be summer programs for your brother.</p>
<p>You sound like a wonderful sibling. It is commendable that you are worried, but you should not feel that you must put your own life on hold to help with your brother. You can put the wheels in motion now to allow your family to cope while you are away at school. </p>
<p>Best wishes to you.</p>
<p>From a parent -
You have gotten some very good advice, but I would also suggest making contact with local parent groups. Families with autistic children can become very isolated from the proverbial village that it takes to raise a typical child, because of the stigma that surrounds diagnosed children. If the child is in a mainstream classroom, the family will also most likely be isolated from other families with autistic children, yet not welcomed into the social network that generally builds around the friendships formed by typical children. </p>
<p>There is a level of support that comes from other parents that cannot be provided by a paid professional, no matter how well-trained and knowledgeable. In our district, there is even a special education parents group that will reach out to families and see that autistic children (and their families) are not socially isolated outside of school hours except for people paid to provide respite or other children looking for volunteer opportunities.</p>
<p>In addition, you might want to attend conferences on your own whenever available. If you are on the east coast, you might want to look into the annual autism conference held at Penn State the first week of August, for example. This is a comprehensive conference and a good way to gather current information and meet other siblings, parents, and professionals. If your school is close to a medical school, it might also provide opportunities to learn about autism and gain hands-on experience (for credit) working with autistic children. You could help your family greatly with any information you bring back to them.</p>
<p>Please do continue with your college plans whatever the situation, though. That is the best way to help your brother.</p>
<p>Grad11, are there any other siblings at home with ages between you and Matt? If so, maybe they could be of some help to your brother and also relieve your anxiety by keeping you informed about the home situation while you are in college.</p>
<p>I apologize for not responding to this thread. I am sometimes rude when I am distraught. I did read all of your replies though, and they were very helpful. I ultimately decided to leave. I now have a new issue. </p>
<p>My dad and stepmom have recently split. My ex-stepmom has the children. She originally wanted my dad to keep Matthew (the autistic 4-year-old) because she apparently doesn’t want to “deal” with him, but then she found out she can get monthly disability checks for him ($700). Now she’s keeping him. Obviously this is heinous. She will not use the money to help my brother. She is keeping her child because of a CHECK. Additionally, my dad and ex-stepmom split because my ex-stepmom cheated. The man she cheated with, who is now visiting my stepmom’s new apartment regularly, has expressed a severe dislike for Matthew and has ridiculed him. I’m sure you are all aware of the terrible statistics on boyfriends of women with children from previous relationships. The man wants to adopt the younger child, however. (I wonder what will happen if Benjamin develops autism too?) I don’t think my dad can help. He is a much better parent than my stepmom, but he has had a very hard time in America due to racism, underemployment, failed marriages, and other issues, and he is completely jaded and ready to return to his native country. He wants the children but he says the court always sides with mothers.</p>
<p>tl;dr version: Matthew is in a pretty bad environment right now, and I plan to file for custody for him. I’m not sure when, but how difficult would this be for a person my age, in my situation? (I’m 18 right now.) How much easier would it be if I had a college degree? Is it impossible?</p>
<p>I knew something bad would happen if I left.</p>
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<p>This is very wise advice. You need to get an education and some marketable skills if you are going to be able to be of much use to your brother in the long run. You don’t have the ability to support or raise a child right now, let alone one with special problems. </p>
<p>Also, the way you talk of your father sounds as if you are letting him off the hook and accepting his rationalizations at face value. He is the one who is responsible for your brother, troubles or no. And he can always sue his ex-wife for full custody if he thinks it’s necessary for the welfare of his son. It is absolutely not true that the courts always side with the mother no matter what.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Find out where the local family court is. Go to it during working hours and ask to see the pro se clerk. If at possible, get your dad to go with you. Explain the situation and ask some questions. The clerk can not give you legal advice, but may give you some help. If you can’t go live and in person, call the court and/or search the website for an email address.</p></li>
<li><p>Call your local bar association and ask if it has a legal referral service. Often you can get a consultation for a small fee. Go and ask if you have a chance of winning custody, how long it would take, the factors a court would consider, the kind of proof you would need, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>Call legal aid–you probably won’t get help, but there’s no reason not to ask.</p></li>
<li><p>Call any professional you know is involved in your brother’s care. Ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns. Again, if at all possible, take your dad. Express your concerns. Make it clear that you do not expect anyone to give you information–if your dad comes he CAN ask for info. You basically want to send the message that you are worried about your brother,especially about the new boyfriend, and want to know if someone can just check up and make sure Matthew is all right.</p></li>
<li><p>Call your stepmother and ask her if you can take Matt for a day together. Maybe Thanksgiving break? (Don’t even think of abducting him.) If not, ask if you can you just visit and see him.</p></li>
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<p>Don’t beat yourself up for leaving for school. It has NOTHING to do with what happened. </p>
<p>Your dad needs to step up to the plate. Do what you can to influence him to do so.</p>
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<p>I think it is called “child find” around here. They try to identify at risk children and provide early intervention to make school more successful.</p>