<p>Hi, I'm helping out a younger brother in his college search. He's very bright and we believe he could get into some of the best colleges in the nation, but my parents are concerned about sending him too far away from home. If you had a high-functioning autistic child, how far away from home would you consider sending them? I'm just trying to put my parents' thoughts into perspective (they're not in favor of it at all). What if the college he gets into is really really good, like Caltech and the family is in NYC?</p>
<p>I would probably have him live at home and commute to college. Otherwise, I would be very concerned about how he’d handle the social aspects of college, including things like having roommates.</p>
<p>I would want to be close enough so that he could easily come home for weekends (or a parent could drop by occasionally at the dorm).</p>
<p>The level of functioning of an Asperger’s or other autistic-spectrum individual can be tremendously variable - so its very hard to say. In the book “Born on a Blue Day”, Daniel Tammet describes his experience – he lived in the UK but signed up to spend a year as a volunteer teaching English in Lithuania when he was about 19, I think partly because it was the only job he could get. Just taking the local train for his interview for the position was a new adventure for him – and he was on his own, with his own apartment, when he got to Lithuania. Tammet is an austistic savant, who not only is brilliant with numbers but also has a knack for picking up foreign languages, but I don’t think he realized he had that talent until he was actually living in a foreign country. </p>
<p>But it really depends on the individual. If your brother has a very strong math/engineering focus, he might actually find that a community like Cal Tech would be a better fit than many colleges closer to home, simply because it might be a better social fit.</p>
<p>I would suggest that your parents encourage your brother to apply to some schools close to home as well as schools that are a good fit for his academic interests farther away. After he gets accepted to colleges, your brother and your parents will be able to ask the right questions about support services available at each college.</p>
<p>If your brother is seriously interested in Cal Tech – he might want to get in touch with Dr. Ralph Adolf of the [Autism</a> and Asperger Syndrome Research Program](<a href=“http://www.emotion.caltech.edu/autism/index.html]Autism”>http://www.emotion.caltech.edu/autism/index.html) at Cal Tech. Since the research is being done there and is focused on adults, the faculty probably is very knowledgeable both about the needs of high-functioning autistics and what resources are available in the local community. They’d probably love to hear from your brother, too. </p>
<p>Here’s a list of other faculty involved:
[People</a> - Autism and Asperger Syndrome Research Program](<a href=“http://www.emotion.caltech.edu/autism/people.html]People”>http://www.emotion.caltech.edu/autism/people.html)</p>
<p>My son is on the spectrum and is at a college a 7-hour drive away from where I live. He will be looking to transfer, and some of the colleges we’ve talked about are halfway or all the way across the country.</p>
<p>It really depends on the student, as already mentioned.</p>
<p>Yea, he really loves Caltech and wants to study astrophysics and math. The problem is skyhigh math scores but not so much verbal and writing (still over 600 but greatly fluctuates from test to test). Great science SAT scores. He has a top 5% class rank. No leadership ECs but is popular among his peers in an unconventional kind of way. </p>
<p>In my opinion, he’ll be fine moving away as long as there’s strong support system but for peace of mind, we’d prefer that he stay closer to home (he might get sick and not go to the doctor, not call home, get upset over silly things, etc.).</p>
<p>No need to shut doors-- applying to Cal Tech does not obligate him to attend. Cal Tech has non-binding Early Action - so even if he decides to apply early and gets accepted, no final decision needs to be made until May. If he’s in 11th grade now, there is still well over a year before he has to decide. A lot of growth can take place in a year – so even if it seems hard to imagine your brother functioning well on his own so far away right now… maybe in a year it won’t seem so crazy. </p>
<p>Encourage your brother to read about the housing system at Cal Tech –>
[Caltech</a> Undergraduate Admissions: The Houses](<a href=“http://www.admissions.caltech.edu/living/houses]Caltech”>http://www.admissions.caltech.edu/living/houses)
It’s a little different than traditional dorms.</p>
<p>“In my opinion, he’ll be fine moving away as long as there’s strong support system but for peace of mind, we’d prefer that he stay closer to home (he might get sick and not go to the doctor, not call home, get upset over silly things, etc.).”</p>
<p>This is easy for you to say. Are you going to be the one flying off to California every time there’s a problem? Your parents are the ones that are going to have to deal these issues.
IMO–This isn’t your call and it isn’t your business. Stay out of this decision and let your parents decide what is best.</p>
<p>I think the opinion of an older sibling should be considered. Parents of children with disabilities often have a harder time letting go of their caretaker role and recognizing when the child is ready to take more responsibility for independent living. Youngsters who are frustrated by their hovering parents are likely to confide in their siblings – also, siblings may have a different view because they can see each other outside the presence of their parent. </p>
<p>I realize that some autistic individuals need lifelong support from parents or other adults – but others do develop the skills needed for independent living. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, but I think nysmile’s post reflects a stereotyped view of autism - (ala “Rainman”) – again, every individual is different. I personally know several autistic adults who function very well – to the extent that they need assistance, they have found people in their lives other than parents to provide the help when needed.</p>
<p>I realize that the picture isn’t so rosy for everyone-- nychomie didn’t offer too much in the way of detail – but many young people with autism can and do attend colleges away from home. If this young man is admitted to Cal Tech – then after the admission the parents can consider his needs, discuss various issues with the campus disability office, and also consider whether appropriate support can be provided by a non-family member in California. And if he doesn’t get accepted – well then, there is no issue, but at least he tried. </p>
<p>Here are some articles and online resources about autism and planning for college.</p>
<p>[Autistic</a> students get help navigating college life - USATODAY.com](<a href=“http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2008-07-08-autistic-college_N.htm]Autistic”>http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2008-07-08-autistic-college_N.htm)</p>
<p>[College</a> Planning for Students on the Autism Spectrum: Pretending to Be Nerdy Where Nerdy Is Cool](<a href=“http://www.professorsadvice.com/]College”>http://www.professorsadvice.com/)</p>
<p>[College</a> Living Experience ? A College Program for Students with Special Needs ?](<a href=“http://www.cleinc.net/home.aspx]College”>http://www.cleinc.net/home.aspx)</p>
<p>[Going</a> Through College with Asperger Syndrome](<a href=“http://autism.about.com/od/transitioncollegejobs/a/mjohnsontips.htm]Going”>Succeeding in College With Autism)</p>
<p>[Students</a> with autism can do well in college | The News-Sentinel - Fort Wayne IN](<a href=“http://www.news-sentinel.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090418/NEWS01/904180307/1001/NEWS]Students”>http://www.news-sentinel.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090418/NEWS01/904180307/1001/NEWS)</p>
<p>[Autistic</a> Students Off to College : Blisstree - Family, Health, Home and Lifestyles](<a href=“http://www.blisstree.com/articles/autistic-students-off-to-college/]Autistic”>http://www.blisstree.com/articles/autistic-students-off-to-college/)</p>
<p>[TEACCH</a> - Preparing for College](<a href=“http://www.teacch.com/college.html]TEACCH”>http://www.teacch.com/college.html)</p>
<p>[An</a> Autistic Student’s Journey To College : NPR](<a href=“http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94429083]An”>An Autistic Student's Journey To College : NPR)</p>
<p>One of my sons has a friend on the spectrum who is extremely intelligent. He gained admission to four Ivy’s and he and his parents decided on the closest one…an hour from their home. There have been some minor difficult times involving social issues in the past couple years and last year I noticed that the parents were meeting with him almost every other weekend. They never could have done that if he was across the country.</p>
<p>I think it was a decision that only the parents could make but imput from a sibling that lives at home could certainly offer valuable imput. The things that you may see as no big deal, the parents may know from past experience, could start out that way but festers into a huge problem. It is not easy sending a kid off to college with any type of disability but being on the spectrum has a whole different set of concerns.</p>
<p>The young man that I speak of roomed with his friend second year and it shortly became an unbearable situation. He felt isolated and was treated poorly. I am not placing blame on the roommate because I know this young man, and he can be difficult and his social skills are in no way socially acceptable. He stands out among so called normal peers and really struggles with simple social issues. His parents were very protective in his younger years and coached him ongoing, but when left to handle things on his own he is a fish out of water.</p>
<p>Another link:
[Autism</a> Support & Advocacy for College Students](<a href=“aheadd.org”>http://www.aheadd.org/)</p>
<p>This organization would help develop support networks for the student at the college, and works directly with the student to plan and implement appropriate support.</p>
<p>I agree 100% with Calmom. Many Techies have some Aspie traits, and there is a lot of support. The housing system provides a built-in support group. Each House has some planned activities, like barbecues, hikes, movies, and rooms to hang, play games, large computer rooms.It appears that people develop a real loyalty to their House, and when they graduate and return for visits, can often find an empty bed there. Several students I know said they ecame far more social at Caltech than they were in HS, because of the peer group.
Also, first 2 terms are P/F, which gives the students time to adjust. </p>
<p>All that said, I don’t know how severely affected OP’s brother is.</p>
<p>One of my kids has a disability, and I was hoping she would pick a school close to home. However, I did not say anything. In fact, I visited a college 1200 miles away with her, twice, so that she could make a good decision that she would not regret. She did end up within an hour of home, in the end- her call. I am deeply grateful that she did make that decision, because she has needed a lot of support, sometimes more than weekly. But I let her make that decision.</p>
<p>What does your brother want to do? Is this a case of your parents holding him back from something he wants to do?</p>
<p>Are there any issues you are having with your parents, that you are sort of transferring to the situation with your brother? Have you grown up feeling responsible and protective of him? </p>
<p>I think, with any kind of disability, mild or not, that growth toward independence most often happens best in stages. So attending a college fairly close to home might be prudent, then grad school could be farther away, etc. </p>
<p>But, as I said, I left that to my daughter to decide. She knew I would not be able to fly to her all the time. I did not need to be explicit about it. Maybe, in this case, an explicit discussion would be called for. </p>
<p>Also, the parents would perhaps need to go to a college that is far away for a few days, to set up a safety network of some kind. It is kind of overwhelming for all kids to do that in the first semester of school. So, the decison to go to CA for instance, would demand some things of the parents. Some parents work, or cannot leave other kids, so that is also a factor.</p>
<p>Gosh, it’s different for each child/family. One vital component that may help make a decision is to see if your brother can make a good connection with a local therapist near the school before making the final decision to attend. Knowing there is an “eyes-on” person watching over your brother once a week or so may ease your parents worry a bit. I think the person who suggested contacting the research professors at Cal Tech is right on the money and they would be happy to help out.</p>
<p>One more comment: I don’t know whether Cal Tech is a realistic academic aspiration for the OP’s brother or not – but I think it is particularly important for a person with a disability like autism to have the opportunity to maximize his intellectual potential. People – including co-workers and employers – will tolerate a lot of quirkiness in the behavior of brilliant scientists and professors, and parents aren’t around forever to take care of the needs of their offspring, but individuals with steady jobs and good salaries can hire personal assistants to help with the day-to-day stuff. </p>
<p>I mean, the kid has a strong intellect and he also has a disability that impacts his social and emotional functioning. He should be given the ability to develop that intellect to the extent it is feasible. There are neurotypical people with lesser intellects who can do well in life on the strength of their people skills - they network, they surround themselves with friends, they have rich and rewarding family lives. For an autistic individual, the maximizing of their intellectual potential might really be the key to a personally rewarding life – what would Temple Grandin’s life be like without the Ph.D.? </p>
<p>Again, its a tough decision and depends a lot on individual circumstances. We haven’t even addressed the financial issues, and that could be the ultimate determinant. However, I agree with compmom that in the end, it is the OP’s brother who should make the decision in the end.</p>
<p>But Caltech is such a pressure cooker anyway. I remember that earlier this year, there were 2 suicides there. Not that there aren’t suicides at other colleges…</p>
<p>But, to put it mildly, autism isn’t exactly rare at CalTech, either among the student body or among the faculty. I know of three students there. Two have Aspergers.</p>
<p>We left it up to our son (he has Aspergers). He applied to colleges up to 5 hrs. away. He chose a school 3 hrs. away. He feels good about us being able to drive there easily and for him to get home for a weekend. More importantly, the school is right for him.</p>
<p>When we drove to visit schools, he really felt the distance when the driving was more than 3 hrs. long and was very uncomfortable with that distance.</p>
<p>Your family might want to consider making the long distance trip with your brother so he can actually experience the distance and what it would mean and feel like to be that far away. I have to say that Cal Tech certainly is a great size for a person in the autistic spectrum. Small class sizes can be key.</p>
<p>I concur with all posters. Impossible you say when they disagree? Well, I agree with poster who said it all depends on the particular case and the particular family.</p>
<p>It depends on the degree of social liability the young man has and how he views it. Some “aspies” (no disrespect intended) are very self-contained and would not experience any difference between a having his parents a half hour away or a continent away. I know of families like that.</p>
<p>Others are uncomfortable with isolation and might really need that support. </p>
<p>A friend sent her daughter to a school ten minutes away, but the girl lived in the dorms and slowly became able to fully function on her own in an “alien” environment. It was a very successful compromise, and a much better solution than having her live at home. Had she been unable to negotiate the environment she could have come home without disrupting her education because she was in commuting distance.</p>
<p>So both models prevail.</p>
<p>You know your family. You’ve suggested that your brother is well-liked. That’s a good indicator of social ease.</p>
<p>However, your parents might not be able to tolerate the separation, though a compmom points out, it’s not really their choice unless they’re convinced their son’s well-being is really at stake.</p>
<p>I was disappointed that DS did not accept an offer of admission half a continent away. I thought it was by far the most exciting school he was offered admission at. He decided he didn’t want to go that far away, and I must say I have enjoyed being able to visit him on occasion without breaking the bank or boarding a plane. He is neuro-typical.</p>
<p>For the OP: I think the suggestion of having him make the trip and see how he copes is an excellent one. However, I think you all can wait until acceptance letters come in to really ponder this. Meanwhile, MIT is obviously much closer to NYC, and Columbia SEAS is a great option of you all decide your brother needs to be close.</p>