We actually gave alot of thought to the middle names, both family names. I like younger son’s middle name but do sometimes wish I had given him my dad’s unusual middle name instead.
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We didn’t find out the gender with our first 3, but told people our names. With our twins, we found out, but kept the names to ourselves.
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Names are so personal. I once worked with someone whose name was the equivalent of Victor Victory. Thought that was an unusual choice for parents to make. Then I learned that he had changed his first name to Victor as an adult. Don’t know what his given first name was, though.
As a parent, I am glad that both of our kids are fine with their names; one a constant ‘top 20’ and the other one rarely breaks the top 600. I enjoy names and seeing how folks choose them.
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GD has a very unusual middle name (it’s my late MIL’s maiden name). Coincidentally H’s niece and her H also chose that name as the middle name for their D (born a few months later). There was no nonsense like “you stole/copied our name” - both couples thought it was a very cool coincidence as do we.
MIL passed away shortly after the younger baby was born and it’s nice knowing her family name is being carried on in this way.
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We didn’t have to think about a middle name for our son. We went with DH’s family tradition-the firstborn male takes the father’s first name as his middle name. Fortunately, DH’s name is a simple four-letter name that works well with either of the names we chose for a first name. But, going back a couple of generations, you hit the old-fashioned names. DH’s grandfather was Elmer Arthur.
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My mother and I both had a grandmother’s maiden name for our middle name, as does my oldest and she gave her children each of the grandmother’s maiden names for their middle names. I love that nod to me! I do have to say that all the names except the one I got are names that are now used as first names and I think it’s interesting when people use a last name that has no family connection for a first name. I have to add that I hated my middle named because it is an uncommon last name and in my generation most girls had Lynn, or Marie, or Ann for middle names. I didn’t mind being different, but not that different!
We had picked out an unusual name for our D - we didn’t know gender ahead of time, but it was our girl name. Too many people reacted negatively when we shared what we were considering, so we changed it to something else. I still like the name; D hates the name we didn’t use and is glad we succumbed to pressure!
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Inquiring minds want to know. Just kidding! 
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We kept our first child’s name a secret because (if we had a boy) we were naming him after my husband’s father and wanted him to be surprised (he cried).
I told a friend our name for a girl (Alice - both of my husband’s grandmothers’ names) and she said “how about Allison instead”? Still love the name, but second child was also a boy. His first name is my father’s first name, and his middle name is my mother’s maiden name (and what we call him).
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My older son’s middle name is my last name. My dad only had 2 girls so he was happy!
My nephew’s 1st name is a last name that ends in “son.” And his last name ends in “son.” So it’s ___son ___son. It’s stupid. DH & I have kept out mouths shut.
I reluctantly agreed to have older daughter’s middle name be my MIL’s maiden name. Should have held my ground and given her a female middle name. Didn’t make that same mistake with kid # 2!
Everybody thought that my rules for naming our kids were too strict, but 17 years later after older daughter was born, we’ve always gotten affirmative comments over the years about both of our DDs names. My rules were:
- has to be a name that is very obviously female or male. When you read kid’s name, you shouldn’t have to guess whether you’re going to be addressing a male or female. Therefore, no gender neutral names. Nothing stupid like Taylor, Morgan, or even Kelly (which stupidly became gender neutral).
- no weird spellings. When you say the name out loud, it has to be pretty obvious how you’d spell it.
- No trendy names like "Hayleigh, Kaylee, Keileigh, etc.
- No hippy names like Moonbeam, Summer, Rainbow. No names that would make you think, “How high were your parents when they picked your name?”
- No names that would make you wonder if your adult child was employed as an adult film “actor/actress.”
DH & I had an epic multi-month argument while I was pregnant with older daughter because if the kid had been a boy, DH wanted to name the kid “Wile.” You know…like the coyote from the road runner cartoons. He & MIL claimed that it was a “family name” because some relative a couple of generations ago had that name. Thankfully, we had 2 girls instead so never had to deal with that potential name disaster again. I told DH at the time that if you’re going to give a kid a name like that, you might as well put a “kick me” sign taped to his back.
I don’t think that kids are teased as much for unusual names these days as they were when we were kids. Originality is highly prized by their parents.
And it’s never appropriate to call another person’s name stupid. Even on a discussion board.
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I went to school with a girl named Sunny Day. I thought it was such a wonderful name.
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My younger brother named his younger D after my maternal grandmother. A niece is naming her D after my mom. She told mom she was going to and mom said, “oh my!” and smiled. Both names are classic feminine and regal names (both have been names of queens).
I have always hated my name. I was raised Catholic and back in the 50’s you were supposed to give your child a saint’s name. Not only is there no St. Mansfield, my name can sometimes be considered male. I occasionally get addressed as Mr. Mansfield. My 5 siblings all have perfectly good Catholic names. My parents had to go to 3 different churches to find a priest who would baptize me with my name.
S is Irish and DIL is Greek. GS has Irish first name and Greek middle name. His first name is easy to say and spell. His middle name is not.
D is blonde and her H has very dark hair. They had 2 nice girl’s names picked out but they were unsure of the order. They decided that the order would be determined by the baby’s hair color. Dark hair combination won out. However, we refer to blonde hair combination as GD’s evil twin and call her that when she’s acting up.
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My kids say they love their names. S is ok with people using his initials or just using a nickname name, like his fiancé does. D doesn’t like nicknames and only answers to her given name. Different strokes.
It’s thoughtful of parents to try to plan for every possibility, but in this case I’m not sure that a unisex name would make much difference. We know a lot of kids and adults who have come out as trans, non binary, or gender non conforming in some other way… and all of the folks we know have also changed their names, including the ones who started out with unisex names. Name change can be a natural part of this process for many folks, even if the original name could fit with another gender identity.
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Another rule was the kid’s initials can’t spell anything that would result in you getting teased. So no naming the kid something like Allison Sally Smith.
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For the record, when DH & I learned what nephew’s parents were naming him, you know what we said? “Oh, ok! That’s great!”
There was somebody once we encountered whose parents named them after a vegetable. And yes, we all thought what everybody else was thinking…what in the WORLD were THOSE parents thinking?
What do you say to the parents who named their kid something like apple or peach or cucumber? “Oh, ok! Great!”
And then yes…I absolutely am going to talk about it behind closed doors with my significant other…
I knew somebody who knew a guy once who was named Richard Lick. And the guy named Richard went by a very common knickname for Richard that starts with the letter D. That was unfortunate.
So what do you say when your friend, relative, kid, whoever tells you that they want to name their child __ Lick? “Oh, ok! Great!” Smile and nod.
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I have a friend whose maiden name was, “Sandy Shores.”
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