<p>Our two kids will be attending a very good university (one a junior, one a freshman). We are getting a lot of negative comments -- usually subtle, but not always -- that imply that we fell for all the USNWR rankings and that pushed the kids in the direction of the top of that list to serve our interests, not theirs. That is, other parents in our community who are starting the college application process, and are nervous about their kids' chances, want to denigrate those whose kids have made it into their top choice schools (that happen to be highly ranked on USNWR) by claiming that it reflects only the poor kids having succumbed to their parents' ambitions. If we truly loved our kids, and wanted what was truly best for them and the people they are deep down, they'd be going to "colleges that change lives." They seem to think my husband and I forced our kids through the agony of competitive college admissions because we needed validation. The truth was that our kids pushed themselves, but we were extremely supportive, i.e. test prep, structured essay-writing time, etc. But we did this with the kids' FULL support and at their request.
Is anybody else getting this kind of reaction? How best to respond?</p>
<p>Just ignore them. The people are jealous. You have no reason to defend yourself.</p>
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<p>I would agree with ignoring those who are snide towards you, but at the same time be wary of being snide back.</p>
<p>Either ignore them or … truly, if your kids are friends with their kids, the kids will know whether this has been a Billy/Susie driven show, or a Mom/Dad one.</p>
<p>I’ve concluded that if one’s child is good enough to shoot for the moon and actually lands there for college, it’s great. Just be very selective with who you “brag it up” with and be sensitive to the fact that there are people out there like the one’s you descibe. Be cognizant when around these people not to open the college discussion yourself, as even a polite reference to their child may make them feel they have to inquire in kind of you, and then following the awkward silence.</p>
<p>Over the years, I’ve cultivated a small group of people with kids of similar age with whom we can all equally grouse or sing praises about our kids equally, and at the end of the session, all walk away feeling refreshed. Isn’t it interesting, though, how “getting of one’s chest” can be a desire for both good and bad news?</p>
<p>Success (yours and your child’s) breeds envy (other parents’). If you want to respond to the not-so-subtle insults perhaps:
- “Oh, that school was HIS/HER choice, not ours.”
- “Oh dear, my son/daughter was just incredibly ambitious, nothing we could do to stop him/her!”
- “She/he fell in love with the “such-and-such” department- it is a perfect fit!”
- “Yes, it is a fantastic school, but we are dying from the cost!” (A favorite- your friends and acquaintances will be satisfied you are suffering and/or penniless!) </p>
<p>The jealous feelings of other parents can be fierce, the comments won’t die down until their child wins some awards, or gets on the Dean’s List at their lower-tiered school.</p>
<p>It is the time when you find out which of your friends are generous, & kind-hearted .</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because you demonstrate the same amount of self-absorption in regular conversation as you did in your original post. If this is the case it’s no surprise people question your motives on sending your kids to these schools.</p>
<p>^^^^ ???
WTH? You just don’t stop do you?</p>
<p>Stop what?</p>
<p>Stop judging the OP. If you do not want to read detailed inquiries about the social reactions of parents of college admittees, whatever are you doing on CC? </p>
<p>What you deem “self-absorpbtion” is a simple explanation by the OP of her individual situation. Perhaps in your country, there are different cultural norms. Here, the college admissions forum delves into a myriad of varied, detailed, and sometimes personal topics.</p>
<p>“It is the time when you find out which of your friends are generous, & kind-hearted .”</p>
<p>It’s the time that you find out which of those whom you consider your friends really are friends. As for the rest, forget them.</p>
<p>@fauve. I must stop judging the OP while the OP’s entire post is about judging other people?</p>
<p>We have friends who’s son applied to and was denied from all of the top “ranked” universities that he applied to. He had to “settle” for the state school. He attended his neighborhood HS, which is a good school, but does not come close to the magnet HS that our son attends. His parents evened complained about the HS valedictorian being admitted to one of the schools their son was denied, basing his acceptance on the fact that the young man is hispanic. Although I believe that their son would very well no matter where he attends, he obviously did not portray himself to their satisfaction</p>
<p>They keep making indirect comments about how admissions officers only look for URM’S. Our son is hispanic and if that helps him gain acceptance to his dream school, so be it. We know that he has worked extremely hard at his HS and has been pushed academically through the curriculum. His HS is nationally recognized and we believe that admissions officers will weigh that accordingly. We have made sacrifices that our friends were not willing to make (commute to sons HS). When he enrolled there, our friends questioned the travel associated with his decision. We are very pleased with our decision and it will soon pay off in our son’s college future.</p>
<p>I actually have the reverse issue. My daughter is interested in attending an LAC and the ones she likes the most have little name recognition in this area. She hears a lot of “I never heard of that school, why would you go there?” Fortunately, she has her mind set on a few LAC’s and she is only concerned with how happy she is with her decision. It is a tough thing though for teenagers not to be influenced by their peers so I am proud of her.</p>
<p>Part of the problem is the fantasy some people have prior to the application process and really looking at their children objectively. All through HS you hear how great x’s kid is, great in school (grades) tests scores great, does lots of stuff outside. When the tests are taken, the grades are sent in, and the EC’s are evaluated, it turns out not to be the case, and they have trouble living down the hype and the inevitable question, where is x going? The last thing they want to here is yours got in to a top school, if x did not. We started to see it when the GC at D’s HS started putting the recommended lists together about what places the students should consider in terms of matches and reaches and don’t even try (they did an honest job) and that set people off who had other expectations that were grander. But it does not exactly go away later. D in top school now, and for people who don’t know, when the ask and you tell them go, Oh, and change the subject. In the end we have ignored it. But we knew it was coming since we went through it some years ago with my S, who went to a top school.</p>
<p>Take em’ down. Make them feel bad cuz their children can’t get in.</p>
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[QUOTE=mirimom]
Is anybody else getting this kind of reaction? How best to respond?
[/quote]
Not getting this reaction; it probably helps that most non-geeks have never heard of geek<em>son’s college, which is very competitive but not an Ivy… typical conversations went:
So, what colleges is geek</em>son applying to?
He applied Early Decision to Harvey Mudd and will be attending in the Fall.
(blink, blink) Oh, how nice! And where is that?</p>
<p>The parents who do know the place, mostly just asked for advice!</p>
<p>He got some snide comments from a handful of classmates for a little while, though, especially last year when many of them assumed he’d apply to Ivies (which were not on his radar). I imagine some of those comments had come from the dinner table. That lessened over time. He and I have both made a point of expressing excitement over other kids’ college choices, including those who plan to attend the community college up the street. Any time a student or parent mentions such a choice with an apologetic tone, I set 'em straight pretty fast – there are plenty of specific reasons it’s a great choice.</p>
<p>Of fauve’s suggested responses, I think #3 is great. Especially if immediately followed by, “Hey, what majors is your kid interested in?”</p>