<p>idk man. if you really don’t think it’s a prob with you then i guess just wait till college. try whatever now (what have you got to lose, you won’t be around these people in a few months) and work on your game etc. </p>
<p>but if it turns out to be a prob w/you and you don’t realize that till you’re in college with no friends, well it’s gonna suck.</p>
<p>if you eat lunch by yourself and nobody really knows you, or worse they know you and know you as “the outcast” for the last 4 years, then yea you got a steep slope to work against.</p>
<p>i find it doubtful that everyone in his school is a complete tard. it’s much more likely that there’s something about him that’s coloring his perception of everyone that way.</p>
<p>Those guys in HS are “tards” because they’re really cliquey. Even though it depends on where you go for the most part all that will change in college</p>
<p>Start college with clean slates…yours, and the ones you assign to other people.</p>
<p>Accept that people have different personalities, and that variety is the spice of life. Just because a person is an outgoing extrovert, flirts with girls, and is a good athlete does not mean he lacks in intellectual power. An introvert who studies all the time and relaxes playing video games in his room is not automatically an academic god.</p>
<p>Remember that everyone in your college was good enough to get there…including you. So when you meet new people, try to think 3 positive thoughts about each of them. When you consciously recognize their good properties, you will unconsciously be more open to them…it’s a way of breaching the barriers you seem to feel. </p>
<p>In college, it’s not like there is just one group of “popular kids” like it seems to be in high school…there are a lot of groups, each happy with itself and not overly concerned with what other groups percieved pecking order because so much is going on that there is no pecking order, it’s who is interested in what…and there is a lot more of belonging to more than one group. You might sign up to play sand volleyball with the kids on your floor, make friends at the campus radio station, and other friends at a campus religious group which leads you to other friends at and all-campus Habitat for Humanity project, all while you go through fraternity rush and get involved with a club related to your intended major.</p>
<p>Basically, make sure you get out of your room and give yourself a chance to meet all sorts of people in all kinds of environments, and you will find your people.</p>
<p>Release all of your judgments and stereotypes of others. Believe that you can be miscible with others. That’s all you need to do. I was like you. In high school, I was O B S E S S E D with statistics and grades. All I could think about was remaining in the top 5% of my class, my 32 ACT, and my 4.whatever WGPA. </p>
<p>In college:
NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT.</p>
<p>People casually talk about high school experiences or what their stats were, but that is so over with. People talk about grades, but I haven’t met a single person who is a social recluse and obsesses over them like a lot of people did in high school. (Actually, I can think of one–but even he tries to reach out). I NEVER went out on the weekends in HS or did much social. I had ‘friends’ but not ones out of class.</p>
<p>Now that I’m in college, I just tried to be me. When you’re meeting new people, you shouldn’t care about their level of intelligence. I wanted to make friends, so I did. I’ve always been really likable, so I used that to my advantage. I went from the person nominated for “most scholarly” in superlatives and didn’t have true relationships to someone who organized a dinner before winter break with 10 people other than myself. </p>
<p>Just finding one friend will help. You meet people through other people. When you’re on a campus with hundreds of new freshman who don’t know each other, you WILL network. I chose to find friends who drink socially, which led to me finding other people who drink socially. It’ll work in reverse. If you don’t like drinking, find a few friends who are dry; you’ll soon find others who choose to remain sober.</p>
<p>It’s 4:40 AM and I’m probably rambling but not making sense, so just forget everything I said and just BE YOURSELF.</p>
<p>I have the same problem…I have many friends, but no one knows me (the real me). My school is fulled with people who are lame. As you say, you can’t do something with one person who is just like you. The jocks are stupid, the nerds don’t hook up, the stoners don’t care about academics, the drama people don’t play sport and the dorks are well…dorks. I can have a DMC about philosophy and life, and two minutes later be playing the most jockey sport in school. It’s like people are not conscious about being conscious.</p>
<p>Go join the social scene at a different high school. I go to a small white lame private high school. There are cool people, but it was wayyy easier to mesh with kids from another school. Meet a friend of a friend or join a club at that school, work your way in from there. That could be really good “practice” for college, and you might even find love or make a really good lasting friend.</p>
<p>hot tip: Never mention your SAT score.</p>
<p>hit tip #2: Smartness has nothing to do with coolness or friendship. Some nerds suck, some people who don’t know their times tables can change your life or lift your depression.</p>
<p>Why do you guys make it like you have to make friends with smart people only? Hang out with the dumb jocks, or start a conversation with the stoners. The top kids at my school with 4.0s and 2200+ sats aren’t just friends with each other, they’re friends with everyone. Even the dumb ghetto kids. Don’t make friends based on intelligence, but based on personality. There are new kids that come to my school every year and they instantly make friends. Honestly I doubt that EVERYONE in your school doesn’t want to be with you. Reach out to them.</p>
<p>I’m now a sophomore in college…in retrospect, high school life was horrid in comparison to college. When I actually was in high school though, I didn’t think things were that bad (mainly because I hadn’t experienced anything better). I was always relatively social, quiet in classes but socialized fine for the most part. But aside from my 1 best friend, I almost always ate by myself. I joined clubs, sports, tried to be friendly to others but to no avail - people were stuck in their cliques and already judged me. I occasionally hung out with the misfits/anime-lovers but I really didn’t have anything in common with them - they were nice, but they wanted to make up imaginary worlds and read manga all day (and didn’t really care about their future), while I wanted to talk about sports and politics and college. To get through the everyday monotony, I resorted to getting really excited about college (applying, going on CC, joining/chatting on facebook group members of the colleges I got accepted in) and knew that in order for me to get away from the “high school life” I’d have to go to school out-of-state. </p>
<p>I had all of these expectations of going into college, being able to find “my place.” And to be completely honest-college has been everything I could possibly hope for and more. I ended up with a fantastic roommate and best friends from the very beginning. I was surprised how fortunate I was-to find friends who cared about academics, liked going out and having fun, liked talking about politics and sports and aspirations. The funny thing is, most of us were in the same position in high school-we had a few friends in high school although we are generally sociable people, but college is really where we have found where we fit in.</p>
<p>That’s my experience-everyone is different, and I’ve met some people who have liked high school better than college but generally life greatly improves for the majority of students. One advantage of being in college is that nearly everyone is there to get an education and at the same time is thinking about their future (so you are a lot more likely to find people who have something in common with you).</p>
<p>In my experience, discussing “intellectual” topics almost always turns into a debate/argument OR it goes nowhere because no one involved is an expert. It’s a nerdy pen¡s measuring contest. Conversation is just conversation. Why does it matter what the topic is?</p>
<p>QuantumArbiter, I can tell you for SURE that YOU are to blame for your lack of friends. You don’t fit in because you don’t want to fit in. I was the same way, and looking back, I wish I had seen that life is about having fun. I definitely missed out on countless life experiences by being so judgmental and inhibited. I assumed that who I was wouldn’t be accepted by the popular crowd and that I would have to be fake and conform to fit in with them. In reality, that kind of thinking was just a manifestation of low self-esteem and was the very reason why I wouldn’t have fit in.</p>
<p>That said, I’m sure you will have no trouble finding people exactly like you in college, especially at the universities you applied to. Whether that’s a good thing or not, well, who am I to decide? Enjoy your pen¡s measuring contests ;).</p>
<p>^^^I don’t know why some people are assuming that the OP is really all that cocky and judgmental. From reading the post it doesn’t seem to be the case at all. Perhaps the mentioning of grades and SAT score was unnecessary, but it wasn’t really in a bragging manner, more a frame of reference. I don’t think the OP necessarily only wants to hang out with people of “intelligence,” he just feels that he hasn’t really met many students at his high school that have something in common with him. That was how I felt too…and I consider myself a quite social, outgoing person (I always made friends outside of school in camps and out-of-school activities but never in school). So I don’t think that his lack of friends is entirely his fault, especially since its high school. What the OP needs is a change of environment…college has the potential to be that environment.</p>
<p>@fa-la-la-lena
I never considered myself a judgmental or cocky person, either. It’s easy to be in denial about it, but it’s completely obvious. I considered myself a “lover,” and thought I treated everyone with respect and kindness. I “never judged anyone.” But it is inherent to the situation. OP wants friends who are “academic,” meaning he doesn’t want the rest, meaning he gives the rest lower value, which is judgmental.</p>
<p>I’ve tried explaining this to my friends… They don’t understand the concept of being an elitist social reject (which is what they are). Unless OP’s high school is TINY, there is NO way he would have made it this far without any friends, were he not a social reject (aka nerd).</p>
<p>[Just for the sake of everyone’s self-esteem, “social reject” doesn’t imply dysfunction and only describes an impermanent status.]</p>
<p>HS is just full of people who have to be there, not caus they want to be there. I feel most people in my school are not as mature as me. Not physically less mature, but emotionally. They have not evolved mentally to think like I think I think. They are blind to see their social being. I’m kinda popular (I am not bragging) but like I say, I hate my best friends.</p>
<p>is college really a clean slate where you can be who you are without being judged?
Because once you get to know people in college, they might add you on Facebook and then they will know pretty much what kind of high school life you had based on looking at your photos and wall. And won’t some people judge you like that… preventing you from going from a social reject in HS to someone with a lot of friends in college??</p>
<p>So in short, do people look at other people’s Facebook histories to try to see who they were in high school?</p>
<p>@gotakun: I’m not a judgmental person persay, but I do have high standards for my friends. There is a distinct difference between being judgmental and having high standards. Is it wrong to want to hang out with people who have stuff in common with you? No! Anyone who argues differently is very misguided…it has nothing to do with “being in denial.” I didn’t drink in high school…I didn’t care if my friends drank. I didn’t have boyfriends in high school…I didn’t care if my friends did. I was involved in a bunch of clubs/activities…I don’t expect my friends to like all the same things I do, but I do expect them to have interests (and not play video games all their lives). I do prefer friends that work hard and aren’t dramatic (overall have positive, optimistic attitudes). If this is being “judgmental,” so be it. </p>
<p>@OP: no problem…just wanted to share my experience because this is something I am very familiar with (although everyone’s experiences are different)</p>
<p>@crazi4uni: College is a clean slate…you are only judged if you let yourself be judged (or hang out with superficial people). It is easy to jump around from group to group just to find the people you fit in with best…and if you go to a large university, you will rarely have a problem. I didn’t drink in high school…never had a prom date/boyfriend…had totally nerdy friends (etc) and was overall a total nerd. My facebook stuff was very lame…no cool pictures, not very many wall posts…pretty obvious that I was a nerd on my profile as well. Despite this, I had no problem finding friends. Yeah, I facebook stalked my roommate before I came (and got some general ideas on how she would likely be in person, not all accurate) but the large majority of people give very little credence to pictures (if you have an obnoxious amount people might assume that you are center-of-attention type of person but otherwise it wouldn’t matter). If you are a good, interesting person face-to-face that is really what people care about.</p>