<p>Yabba- I think you should not send your son to this school.</p>
<p>I also think you are in for a rude awakening if you believe that colleges run like businesses-- at least all the time, i.e. you give them your money, they give you a product/service. You will find that at some schools the “product” (or their mission) is both educating students as well as research, preserving knowledge, maintaining cultural institutions, etc. And sometimes these other priorities take precedence over educating your child.</p>
<p>Don’t send your kid to a school if you believe it is filled with morons. But don’t lead your son to believe that you get to walk up to the “customer service” desk at college and get a refund-- like if you buy a shirt with a spot on it at Kohl’s-- since that ain’t the way it works.</p>
<p>Every college will have hapless or rude undergrads who volunteer to be hosts. Every college will have a student manning the admissions reception desk at some point who has been on the job for two days and is clueless. And if I had a kid who really would have been unable to sort out the logistics of the classroom visits in the way you describe- no way would he be going out of town to college at least for Freshman year. Do I think a typical HS senior can figure out what to do in a catastrophe (tornado, flood, airport closed due to snow, college dorms shut down due to a public health crisis)-- no, probably not. But I think most 17 year olds can grab a campus map from the help desk, get themselves to a lecture hall, and find a way to make do. You aren’t describing a threat to health and safety here- you’re describing a lot of rude inconveniences compounded by the admission’s office’s cluelesness.</p>
<p>But was your son in danger of being abducted? Or swept away in a Tsunami?</p>
<p>Get some perspective- and then don’t send your son here.</p>
<p>OP, I think most HS seniors have had some sort of experience like your S’s whether in April or once they get on campus in the fall. I agree with Blossom that the reality is that in five months, your 17/18 yo will be on a college campus having to negotiate where to sign up for meal plans, classes, bookstores, and a roommate who may or may not be a good match.<br>
Both of my kids did April visits totally solo, in part to get a sense of how they can access resources and how the place runs. </p>
<p>I also agree that the admissions office dropped the ball with leaving your S to sit – but remember that part of going off to college is learning to advocate for yourself. Your S could have made more of a pest of himself, or he could have gotten a map and gone wandering into a class.</p>
<p>At a school where one of my kids was being heavily wooed, he was matched up with someone via the adcom. In the meantime, a CC parent also had a family friend attending the school who offered to put up my S and show him around. S wound up splitting his time between the two students and found out a lot more about life at the school than just one person’s perspective. At another school, S’s host let him stay in the room by himself and the host went to stay with his GF. Some folks might be offended, but S went off and “found his people” and was thankful not to be entertained.</p>
<p>As an aside, at most of the schools my kids visited, the hosts for admitted students were NOT paid.</p>
<p>Most of the schools my oldest applied to were public, so the visits were informal w friends.
She did stay overnight as part of an official visit to an Lac, it was dark & icy rain by the time we got there( I drove- mid november) , she stayed with an RA who was getting ready for exams so she was on her own. It was a fairly small campus & she found the cafeteria by herself as she didn’t think the library would be a good place with every one cramming. She didn’t really find many students to talk to , but a prof did notice her & stopped to chat for a bit.</p>
<p>I think her RA did eventually make it back to the dorm room ( although some students sleep in the library overnight).
The next morning they had a coffee hour for parents which I missed because my battery was dead & the motel didn’t have cables- I had to call a tow truck & D1 had to take a bus to get to campus for her tour. Luckily I had found a hotel that was fairly close & the city had good public transit ( which was one of our criteria)</p>
<p>She sat in on a couple classes, although she skipped math because she was already intimidated & she decided if she was accepted she would major in something lighter. ( she was accepted & she majored in biology)</p>
<p>OP, you seem to have an overly high expectation for what a host should do for your son. As college students, when we are asked to host, we’re literally told that all that is required for the host to provide is floor space. The student you mentioned seemed to already taken a step beyond that by taking your son to meals and an extracurricular activity. Of course we would have school work and all sorts of other obligations of our own----as complete volunteers who are not paid, not trained, not even part of any on campus organization that is in charge of the hosting process, we signed up to welcome prefrosh simply because we love our school and are willing to share our rooms with you and show you around when you come on campus. Yes, it would’ve been common sense for your son’s host to do a little more than that, but for many colleges that is not the requirement.</p>
<p>This is the time of the year when every single admitted student wants to visit campus. There are simply not enough experienced current students around to accommodate everybody.</p>
<p>I’m with Hunt. I sent my kid on an overnight to the school where she now attends terrified that she would have a bad experience. Fortunately she didn’t, and actually in her case they did a great job matching her with a compatible host.</p>
<p>Now that she’s on the “other side” and I see how this works at her school, I’m surprised these bad experiences don’t happen more often. In contrast to being a tour guide, which is a somewhat selective hiring process with a fair amount of training and a regular schedule, being a host seems to be a matter of signing up, there is minimal training and maybe one hosting chance during the year. The kids who sign up as hosts tend to be the freshman who are also signing up for a million other things, so I’m not surprised that when they actually get the call to host they’re already overcommitted and need to foist the guest off on the roommate or other person. I also think that when the kid gets the call to host, they don’t think too carefully about whether on that day they’ve got a big project due or some other academic “distraction.” </p>
<p>I can only assume that 1) overnights are really tough to do well, and 2) are a very small proportion of prospective admits so that Admissions offices don’t put the resources into them that they probably need.</p>
<p>I think the student’s point of view on what "hosting’ is needs to be considered here. Sounds like a bad experience for your son, but I think it is the exact experience he will encounter at almost every college- off and on the first semester or so. Some inclusion and a lot of exclusion unless he puts himself out there. After the HS push to college, it is a bit of a reality check the first semester; sometimes the whole first year. The student needs to be able to navigate the college community which moves at mach 1 speed. </p>
<p>Sounds like your son did deal with it by going to the orchestra practice. As for the host coming in at 1:00 am, that is regular bedtime for most college students. College students don’t see much difference between themselves and the high school senior- they just treat them as one of them. Which as we know can be careless at best. </p>
<p>Son still likes the school, so maybe to him it was just the rough and tumble life he is use to in high school. Remember, these young adults, especially boys, live by a different code. And it certainly isn’t our mommy code. </p>
<p>Hope you can back away a bit, and let your son choose what school he wants to attend. He knows how he feels. Adjusting to college is tough, on the student and the mom! :)</p>
<p>Even if a host is not expected by the college to do more than provide a floor to sleep on, I don’t think that’s what a typical parent of a visiting student would expect without being told. If I am told that my kid will be “matched” with a “host,” this would create reasonable expectations in my mind for what this host might do. I suspect this explains a lot of the OP’s annoyance–it would be different, I assume, if the school had made it clear that a visitor was essentially on his own.</p>
<p>My daughter had a disastrous overnight at Yale. My son had a disastrous overnight at Claremont McKenna. Yet these are both really great schools. Bad experiences can happen anywhere.</p>
<p>Follow up, let the school know what happened, then cross the school off the list. Hey, that’s why your son visited, right? To see whether he’d like to attend.</p>
<p>I can see where sending a kid on Admitted Students Weekend might alleviate some of these problems. On these weekends, the admissions department has class visits, lunch at the cafeteria, lectures, social events and other activities planned. The student host really doesn’t do much else but provide a floor to sleep on and maybe some quick conversation telling the prospie about his or her experience at the school.</p>
<p>Some would say that these events may not give a true idea of what goes on at college campuses. But a kid would be less likely to fall through a crack or be at the mercy of a host that really doesn’t have time to host.</p>
<p>I agree fully with Blossom. Though colleges consider kids dependents until age 24 (with some exceptions) in terms of financial issues, they are treated as adults in terms of responsibilities. THose days of college morals rules are over, and the rules seem to be there more to protect the college than the kids these days. If you are looking for a college that is going to be taking care of your kid, you may be terribly disappointed. </p>
<p>I know several parents with kids on various spectrums of disabilities and it is a tough go for those kids. There are very few breaks for such issues at college and the world at large.</p>
<p>In some cases, the Admitted Students day is the way to go. This year, my son is doing them for his final 2. But in the case of my college kid, he really wanted to see the classes he would be taking, and get a good strong idea of how the schools he was considering felt on an every day basis. Two of the schools he was considering (one that he ultimately picked) were very far from home, so I felt it was particularly important that he got how the atmosphere was. He spent 2 full days at those schools, going to classes with kids, the type he would take. But though both schools are small LACs with the deserved reputation for giving kids good attention, he really had to be proactive in getting what he wanted to see and experience. He could not leave it up to the admissions offices or the host kids. He spent time looking around himself and introducing himself to professors and meeting people. </p>
<p>The one hour visit, by the way, was very well handled by the admissions office and the student. The whole day was well planned and I have no complaints about the school. I did have complaints about my kid on that drive home.</p>
<p>When my kids visit, I don’t want them courted. Especially this last visit my son made. I want him to understand how it is going to be at a large city campus school. For them to pamper and court him would give him a whole wrong idea about what it’s going to be there. It was enough that the atmosphere was “carnivale” for Accepted Students Day and special. I was grateful that a cousin goes there and took him in hand for the the rest of the time and he could see how you live there. You’re not going to be courted when you get there.</p>
<p>The Class of 2013 thread has spotlighted for me some of the big problems that kids on the spectrum have experienced at college this year. If you feel that your S’s experience on his overnight is a tell for how much support the college can/will give him if he should matriculate, then definitely cross this college off your list!</p>
<p>I think before any final decision is made, you need to find out why your son still likes the school. You seem to have been more put off by this whole experience than he is (and he’s the one who had to put up with all of it). There might be good reasons why he wants to go there that trump his bad experience with the host.</p>
<p>Do you really think that what happened in the admissions office is really indicative of what would happen in an academic class? I teach at a university and I have no idea what goes on at the admissions desk. The people who hire in academic departments are not the same people who hire at the admissions desk, etc. I don’t see how what goes on at the admissions office would necessarily tell anything about what goes on in the classroom.</p>
<p>Here’s another example. There’s a lot of underage drinking in the dorms. You might be appalled at the presence of underage drinking and that there are students at the university that do this. Does this suggest anything about the quality of teaching at the university?</p>
<p>This thread has been very enlightening; thanks y’all! It will certainly help DD manage expectations and be prepared to be proactive should she make any overnights next year. I was particularly concerned about the student who was almost stranded at the airport. Yikes!</p>
<p>Part of my point in posting about my daughter’s experience was that students should be prepared with a list of things to do and to check out on their own at a college campus if they visit. If they are not too outgoing, perhaps you should print out a campus map and make sure they are comfortable finding their way around and have scheduled campus tours and classroom visits ahead of time. This was my daughter’s first admitted students’ day and I just assumed the school would roll out the red carpet with many activities and opportunities to interact with students and professors, to try to convince them to attend that school. This is a very well-regarded school and these were students who had already been accepted and were deciding whether to attend. Having a list of things to do and see on their own would be even more important if the student was visiting at a time other than an admitted students’ day. </p>
<p>My son attended several admitted students’ days at small, not very well-funded art schools and all of them had ample opportunities to meet and mingle with current students and professors, to take tours of the campus and dorms, to speak to people in financial aid, student services, etc., as well as food, entertainment, displays of student art, etc. It just never occurred to me that the only activity available would be to visit classes, and that the school would not be prepared to accommodate that many students in the classes they had designated as those admitted students could sit in on. I was upset that my daughter took time off from school and flew up there and ending up going shopping all day, but after her initial experiences at this school, she had decided by that point that there was no way she would attend. </p>
<p>I am also very sympathetic to parents of kids who don’t always handle things well on their own and don’t take the initiative. This describes my son perfectly, and I probably would not have put him on a plane by himself at that age because I know he would not have handled things well if there were complications. In fact, when he went off to college thousands of miles away, I was waiting for the phone call saying that he wanted to come home for the first year. But somehow, things worked out and he is now in his third year. OP, I think it is a very positive thing that your son is still interested in this school after his experience. There must have been something about it he liked. It’s always hard to see your kid’s feeling get hurt or to know they had a bad experience, but often kids are not as upset about it as we are and they are learning how to deal with the things they will have to deal with as adults.</p>
<p>There are certain experiences that would bother me more than others. The whole problem with th admissions office fronting the portal into a college is that your student really has little to do with them after s/he is in college. The same with the host student. I agree that the Admissions Office did not do a good job here, but what is your son going to have to do with them once he is at that school? Skrlvr has some good points there. The big reason I would say to eliminate the school is because of the bad taste in your mouth about it that might affect how you look at every and anything that happens at the school. And believe me, even perfect visits at dream schools do not mean that the experience when the student gets there is going to be ideal. I know too many kids who wanted out of their dream schools.</p>