<p>Does anyone know if Amy Chua stayed home with her girls before they started school?</p>
<p>I am assuming that she did because I can’t see how her methods would work with a caregiver. How could one be sure that they were not home watching BARNEY and hanging out at the park?</p>
<p>I read the WSJ article (don’t plan to read the book) - nodding my head, as we live in Silicon Valley and most of this is quite familiar. I don’t believe such parental behaviour contributes to the community - rather it indicates extreme selfishness and self-centeredness. It is anti-American behavior, really, in that the individual should earn and take pride in his/her own accomplishments. Yes, parental guidance is necessary, but not parental “projects” who win the Intel competition, etc.</p>
<p>Around here, there is well-know increase in stress and competition, the pressure to “win at any cost.” There has been an increase in cheating, and guess what, at the so-called “top,” rather than among suspect ethnic minorities some avoid and put down.</p>
<p>Furthermore, a divisive attitude in the region locally that has “decided” Asians are intellectually superior to other ethnic groups, an attitude many find extremely insulting/offensive and inaccurate, since such children (coached/prepped/financed to the hilt) are Group Projects rather than self-directed individuals earning their own accomplishments.</p>
<p>I’d like to comment on MUSIC.
While it is true Asian parents in my experience often insist on heavy participation in sophisticated music education (and purchase costly instruments, costly private teaching to support that) IN FACT most of these kids demonstrate little interest or musical artistry. While the volume of youth involved with classical music may be high in wealthier areas of the country now, partly owing to Asian parents pushing their kids into it, there has simultaneously been an increase in woodenness and technical accuracy without feeling. This is true at the conservatory and professional level also.</p>
<p>Could someone please clarify for me the nature of the irony in this book?
Is it ironic because none of it happened, and it is an attempt to see how gullible the “Western” public would be about methods attributed to Chinese mothers, thus showing how readily we accept stereotypes?
Or is it ironic because, while it all happened, Amy Chua now regrets (part of) it? Or at least sees it from a different angle?
And what’s with the timing on this? It seems to me that her daughters are now approximately 17 and 15. So she’s had at most 2 years of new insight.</p>
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<p>I don’t know what this means.</p>
<p>My ignorance.</p>
<p>Uh, coolweather, you had just said in one post before mine:</p>
<p>“Aian mothers are not tigers. They actually love their children and protect the children from the harsh treatment and punishment of the husbands. When a father beats a son, the mother would try to stop the husband. When a father forces a daughter to marry someone for his career or business advancement, the daughter would come to cry with the mother and ask for her intervention. When a father wants to kick a daughter out of the house because of her out of wedlock pregnancy, the daughter would come to cry with the mother for help.”</p>
<p>Quant mech - part of the irony is that if Chinese culture were sooooo superior, then why didn’t Amy Chua move back there? Instead, she’s trying to position her kids for success in AMERICA … much like the success she herself has enjoyed in America.</p>
<p>What would happen to an American who voiced “Americans are superior” sentiments in China, do you think?</p>
<p>Forget it. I am not going to respond to this quip.</p>
<p>Coolweather, YOU brought up that the mothers were actually the “softies” compared to the fathers - who apparently beat the sons, throw the daughters out, etc. When I questioned, “What’s with the harsh treatment from the fathers,” you act as though you don’t understand where my comment came from??</p>
<p>What’s is the damned “Sheesh” is for?</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I was more upset about the following statement:</p>
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<p>This attack on a fine restaurant chain was totally uncalled for! </p>
<p>I really like their Singapore Street noodles!</p>
<p>:)</p>
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<p>And you are qualified to judge?</p>
<p>These posts have turned into anti-Asian bashing and racist rants to say the least, all without having read the book.</p>
<p>I am wondering if anyone on this thread was raised by a “tiger mother” and then decided to raise her children differently. If so, was this difficult to do and how did it turn out?</p>
<p>How is it “bashing” that some of us disagree with the goals of Chinese parenting (as laid out by Ms. Chua) and the methods by which she got there? I’ll equally bash someone who is content to have their kids learn nothing other than how to tan and winds up raising the next Snooki.</p>
<p>What I found most interesting about the WSJ article was the assertion that the Chinese presume strength in their children, and thus believe that strict parenting and harsh training will only make their offspring stronger. Americans assume fragility, and believe that harshness and strictness will break or emotionally maim the child. If that contrast is relatively universal, it would seem to explain a lot of the cultural differences revealed in Asian vs. Western parenting styles.</p>
<p>Despite being American, I lean toward considering strictness to be key in producing strong and disciplined children. I believe in high expectations and I do insist my children have a schedule and work hard (not like slaves, however.) But I would assume a great deal more emotionaly fragility than Chua does (or is trying to joke that she does), and would definitely eschew name-calling and shaming.</p>
<p>If Chua managed all that parenting work while being a career woman, then I’m completely intimidated.</p>
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<p>Spurred by Amy Chua’s book.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s not such a good idea to write & promote a book playing off of ethnic stereotypes about one’s own race.</p>
<p>^Agreed. Isn’t part of the title of the article “Why Chinese mothers are Superior”? No accusation of racism for that?</p>
<p>^^ I hope we are all intelligent enough to realize that Amy Chua’s book is highly exaggerated,extreme and does not represent typical Asian parenting.Most people who have read the book found it funny and self-deprecating. But to use one parent’s example and cc postings to validate all your personal negative stereotypes of Asians, then I think you are racist and anti-Asian and you have expressed these sentiments in other posts regarding Asians.</p>
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<p>I think that’s a false dichotomy. I raised my kids with the assumption that they had the potential to be strong and capable, and that it was my job to nurture it. I also assumed that they were born as fragile infants, and that I needed to skillfully balance the tension between exercising parental control and fostering independence and freedom along the way, so that the balance would shift appropriately all the time and I would (hopefully), be the parent of independent and self-reliant human beings by the time they reached age 18. I needed to be sensitive to their areas of strength (which I could encourage), and areas of relative weakness (which I could nurture to help them develop, without imposing unreasonable expectations). I needed to love and cherish the unique individuals that they were – but loving them didn’t mean treating them as if they were helpless idiots.</p>
<p>There are all sorts of little ways that parents can respectfully and consistently build up good habits in their children. That doesn’t mean badgering or calling names – a supportive and encouraging parent can say, 'I’m disappointed. I know you can do better than that." But a supportive parent also knows when to say, “let’s call it a day – get some sleep and maybe you can tackle that problem with fresh eyes in the morning” – and when to say, 'A B+! I’m so proud of you for working hard to bring up your grade after that last exam."</p>
<p>As a parent of a student who studies classical voice, I am just glad that Amy Chua’s daughters do not learn voice. She would have destroyed their voices. If there are any tiger parents lurking here whose children are learning voice, just please do not ever force your children to keep practicing their pieces the way Amy describes in the WSJ article. Vocal learning is all about relaxation of the vocal apparatus, and allowing the voice to develop slowly and emerge at the right time. Practicing too much, especially if the technique is incorrect, can do irreparable harm to a singer.</p>
<p>But I guess, according to Amy Chua, no true tiger parent would allow their child to be a singer.</p>
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<p>Is this point meant to relate to the quoted portion of my post?</p>
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<p>I don’t think most teenagers are pushed particularly hard. I don’t think young children are either. There are other problems that are squashing motivation.</p>
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<p>The problem I have with this is that most kids don’t know why the material they’re learning is supposed to be interesting. If they can find their own motivation, that’s great, but if they can’t I don’t think it justifies not learning. IMO there’s wisdom in trusting that what you’re meant to learn will be useful and will be interesting. (Simply forcing a kid to work probably isn’t the best way to impart that wisdom though)</p>
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<p>“Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” - John Wooden</p>
<p>It seems to me that learning should be the primary goal for kids in school, and that success should primarily be defined in terms of effort. The parents would hopefully be able to gauge the level of effort and have reasonable standards.</p>
<p>The abusive parent is obviously defining success based on raw achievement, which I guess is logical in its own way. I think that’s where the cultural gap comes into play.</p>