<p>Interesting article.</p>
<p>Why</a> Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ.com</p>
<p>I would like to hear fellow parents' comments on this. What type of products do you think the author's parenting work will produce?</p>
<p>I couldn’t read the whole thing–too long, but I read enough to get the gist.</p>
<p>I think something the article doesn’t point out that has been discussed before in other pieces, is that this type of rote learning and the pursuit of the “A” as an end to itself, rather than as a means, limits the imagination of students taught this way. Rather than opening up possibilities, the learning itself is the end result, and that leads to gaps in achievement, invention and discovery in the long run.</p>
<p>Also, the goal in this model is not “a love of learning,” which propogates more learning.</p>
<p>Sure, I think a lot of people would have to hand it to “chinese mothers” for early achievement and accomplishment, but I think this model of learning also has its critics who have widely described the problems associated with this type of learning.</p>
<p>In another vein, “chinese mothers” also refers to limiting social interactions with adolescents of the opposite sex ( I didn’t see it discussed here) until adulthood. This of course leads to a warped sense of gender roles.</p>
<p>As an adult, do you wish you had a “Chinese mother” growing up?</p>
<p>Redbluegoldgreen, I think reading the whole article’s a good idea. The details are…distinctive.</p>
<p>At any rate, I’m not a “Chinese mother.” I’m not even a Caucasian “Chinese mother.” I think if you’re willing to allow your child to attend boarding school, or–horrors–participate in a school play or a sleepover, your style of parenting isn’t compatible with the article.</p>
<p>I went back and read the whole thing, but what I wrote above still stands.</p>
<p>The writer makes a claim that Westerners are too preoccupied with “self esteem” which hinders how we interact with our kids and what we’re allowed to say to them.</p>
<p>I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I do think there are other decided cultural differences such as the value placed on academic and muscial achievement vs. pursuing one’s talents and strengths. Both are hyped on atheletics but China takes a different approach, looking for early signs of success in a sport then doggedly pursuing that single interest. Americans are just catching up with this approach, i.e. women’s gymnastics etc.</p>
<p>It sounds like the author is an extreme “nut case”, and I don’t think many Chinese, at least the Chinese Americans, would like her to label her “type” as “Chinese mother”. The truth of matter is that for the past few decades, Chinese people are very adaptable and have embraced the western ideas more than Westerners can imagine. It’s true that many of them, even after immigrating to the US, still believe in receiving the best education possible leads to success in career and life and that they make sure to instill that value in their kids, but Chau’s ideas of the parents children relationship (that children owe their parents forever), and the way she implments her agenda are so out-of-date and frankly outrageous, and I see few Chinses American families are like that, not among the ones I know at least.</p>
<p>I printed the article out (I read this sort of stuff better in analog) and will read it tonight. </p>
<p>Scanning the first page and some of the comments, I am reminded of a quote by the first chair violin of the Philadelphia Orchestra. He was on a tour of Philly schools trying to expose more kids to the music and the idea of a career in music. Paraphrasing one of the quotes I caught on the NPR piece “When I was a child, my mother made me play violin in every waking moment. Sometimes I had donuts for dinner because there wasn’t time for anything else.” I’m pretty sure his name is David Kim…and yes, he’s Asian.</p>
<p>He didn’t sound all that bitter about his childhood, though. And you know that old joke about “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?..Practice, practice, practice.”</p>
<p>A similar thread was started in the main Parents Forum.</p>
<p>MERGED THREAD: “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” – new book about Chinese parenting</p>
<p>[thread]1064027[/thread]</p>
<p>I find the author’s extreme viewpoint rather frightening, but she has some points. As Westerner’s, we may be too hung up on trying to provide self esteem. Self esteem is something earned.</p>
<p>[Parenting:</a> Is Amy Chua right when she explains “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” in an op/ed in the Wall Street Journal? - Quora](<a href=“http://www.quora.com/Parenting/Is-Amy-Chua-right-when-she-explains-Why-Chinese-Mothers-Are-Superior-in-an-op-ed-in-the-Wall-Street-Journal]Parenting:”>http://www.quora.com/Parenting/Is-Amy-Chua-right-when-she-explains-Why-Chinese-Mothers-Are-Superior-in-an-op-ed-in-the-Wall-Street-Journal)</p>
<p>an interesting reply with a followup comment from Amy Chua.</p>
<p>I am listening to Amy Chua on Diane Rehm and she is very different from the excerpt in the WSJ. She says the excerpt was intended to be provocative, on WSJ part, and it does not capture her entire journey. She says some of the things in her book are tongue in check. She seems like a very warm, caring and flexible parent. I have to say I agree with this woman, what I have heard so far anyway, and she captures the attitude many immigrant parents have towards discipline and education. I remember once telling my d that I expected her to do the best she can in school and my immigrant spouse chimed in and said I expect you to be an A student and went on to tell our kids about the flogging he received from his father for coming in second in a math class when he was 12. But as my d is matriculating through a rigorous bs I think her dad’s expectations have helped her develop a high work and study ethic that has resulted in excellent grades.</p>
<p>The ONLY thing that rings true to me from this article is Chau’s comment about refusing to let her child be “villager no. 6” in the school play. These school plays can be a real time drain, especially for those with minor roles. My D loved every minute of her “villager no. 6” experience, but once is enough. Chau’s approach to parenting leaves me cold - seems like the goal is really two-fold: to prove their child is superior and to prove that the parent/family is superior. Superior to whom? From where I sit, it seems you end up with a child that is in reality a beautifully wrapped “unopened present” - one who looks great but you don’t really know what is inside. I wouldn’t want to come to the end of my life as an “unopened present” - what a waste of a life.</p>
<p>I have not purchased the book yet, but I think the article is misleading. In the radio interview she says her second child decided to stop playing the violin and although she was disappointed she consented. The article was meant to provoke and cause the type of discussions that are going on, and increase book sales. The article makes her sound crazy, but on the radio she sounded like a lot of cc parents :).</p>
<p>When was she interviewed? If it took place after she had had a chance to read the responses on the WSJ site, I’d write it off to playing defense.</p>
<p>It sounds from your description that she wants to have it both ways. She wants to be the superior mother who has control over her children’s every waking moment, and the victim of the publisher and newspaper marketing departments. I am doubtful that it’s possible to pull that off. I also have rarely seen a book excerpted in the WSJ. I’d love to know how that came to be–did a WSJ reviewer tell his editors, “This will provoke a lot of interest in our readers.” </p>
<p>Neither the publisher nor the newspaper wrote the book. She did. I will try to get my name on our library’s waiting list for the book.</p>
<p>I absolutely loved the comments posted in response to the WSJ article. Reading the article I was horrified by the author and by the ink devoted to her, but reading the comments I saw that the author was really not a “Chinese mother” just an extremist with a marketable shtick.</p>
<p>I jus read through the discussion on Quora (one of the earlier posts had a link) - and the common thread for me from all of it - the stories (funny and sad), what I think is actually in Amy’s book, and my own mid-west upbringing, is that we should have high expecations of our kids, believe in them, be honest with them, and love them no matter what. </p>
<p>My parents had (and have) very high expectations -sometimes a little hard to meet - but they sure believed in me, and I remember at one point, after a particularly strong “lecture on your future”, saying to my brothers, “well, at least they think we have a future to worry about”. </p>
<p>In our house, we have had everything from exhaustion from working too hard, to groundings for not working hard enough - but also (I hope) a growing confidence from surmounting difficulties. </p>
<p>I have put my foot in just about every parental puddle available - pushed too hard, pushed not enough, not paid attention to a small problem and then over-reacted to a big one - you name it, I’ve done it, all in the goal of trying to encourage the kids to do their best, not just “good enough”. </p>
<p>I think I will get the book and read it - because there is a story there of a parent changing her mind when the first idea turned out to be not what was needed - and since I have had to change my mind before, and will no doubt need to change it again in the future, I think I will try to profit from her experience.</p>
<p>I read the article and also heard Amy Chua interviewed on NPR with her Jewish American husband. Apparently the book turns a major corner that is not even hinted at in the WSJ teaser piece.</p>
<p>Her husband had a great quote, something like “I didn’t think we were raising our kids ‘Chinese’…I thought we were just raising them with more traditional, old-fashioned American values…like, if you want to be successful you have to work hard.”</p>
<p>I think Chua’s “Chinese Mothering” is really just another way of looking at the “10,000 hour rule” explored by Malcolm Gladwell and others. How do you think you get to 10,000 hours sooner? By practicing crazy hours.</p>
<p>Chua’s husband also said something that I totally identify with…(again, I’m paraphrasing) “No kid likes to practice. And it’s practice that makes the difficult easier. And eventually, fun. So it’s up to parents to stay on their kids to practice…”</p>
<hr>
<p>@Emdee & Periwinkle:
The interview I heard was aired post WSJ, and I’m assuming was recorded post WSJ. And yes, it felt a bit like damage control.</p>
<p>Even if you are not a Chinese mother, the environment around our high school age children can be pretty intense. We all need to think about the stress on our kids/emphasis on colleges/pressure to what end–issues covered in the upcoming documentary–Race to Nowhere:
Race to Nowhere", which will be screened in many US high schools and colleges in the next few weeks. The synopsis: A concerned mother turned filmmaker aims her camera at the high-stakes, high-pressure culture that has invaded our schools and our children’s lives.</p>
<p>I have been accused of too soft parenting as well , and as often, as too harsh. Its so relative, and the fact is kids are elastic - more than we often believe. </p>
<p>Love can equalize things. When you know you are loved you can put up with more demands.</p>
<p>That said, one of my children is an over achiever, the other not. Both are smart.
I profess DNA plays a bigger role than parenting.</p>