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<p>Not so fast. Michael Viscardi may not be Chinese but he very probably got a heavy dose of Asian parenting growing up because he is half-Korean and was home-schooled by his Korean mother Eunjee, who holds a PhD in Neuroscience herself.</p>
<p>So was he “pushed” by his Asian mother? Who knows? One man’s “pushed” may be another man’s “inspired.” But I’ll bet his mother had a huge influence on the way he has turned out and what he has achieved so far.</p>
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<p>Calmom’s post nailed it. I wish my parents were like that.</p>
<p>“The example of John Stuart Mill should be good evidence that pushing can make kids go very, very far”</p>
<p>Not to mention Mozart. No lack of creativity there.</p>
<p>Do we have any parents of Olympic level gymnasts or figure skaters here. My understanding is that, not by first hand, these kids are pushed beyong your imagination. I read somewhere that parents are not allowed to see the training session otherwise they will take their baby home. </p>
<p>In many sport related moives, we saw all the hero coach pushed his/her students to “build character”. I can’t remember which one, but there was definitely at least one time the coach denied water and rest to “instill discipline”. </p>
<p>Are those actions considered abusive?</p>
<p>Great post, calmom!
And I loved David Brooks’ article. Yes, the social aspect is of paramount importance.
A while before this book came out, I happened to be giving a ride to a teammate of my daughter’s who is from China and who went to school there before coming here. I asked her to compare her school there with her school here.
Wow did that unleash an eye-opener! She described how teachers at her school in China read grades of tests to the entire class as they handed them back, along with commentary, how they embarrassed students in front of the whole class when they gave a wrong answer or worked out a math problem erroneously. She said, “They must require teachers to hate kids in order to hire them.” She is thrilled to be going to school here where these practices don’t exist, and her school performance is better here. Of course, the ESL teachers go above and beyond for the kids and she truly appreciates this.
Posters from China - is this normal practice in schools?</p>
<p>Friend said this to her kid when I was on the phone with her. When I pointed it out, she suggested that maybe Amy Chua will be come part of the normal lexicon of parenting, for better or for worse. Some examples:</p>
<p>“Now my second D brings out the Chua in me.”</p>
<p>“I warn you, one more time and Chua is coming to visit!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but she’s a Chua-mom”</p>
<p>“I’m working on managing my inner Chua”</p>
<p>I don’t know, but personally, I don’t consider having an Olympic-level athlete “worth it” in terms of the amount of pushing and sacrifice of other things (time with friends, family time, etc.) That is SO not my goal for my family. I want them to do what THEY want to do and be happy / satisfied with their choices. </p>
<p>There isn’t once when I’ve watched an Olympic athlete on television and thought, “Gosh, wouldn’t it be cool if my kid could do that.” Great for those who want to, but that is so not my style. I think everything in moderation is a better life strategy.</p>
<p>I’m also not impressed with the Tiger-Woods type of stories where a parent grooms a child for something. What a useless waste, to spend all that effort producing someone who can better hit a ball into a hole. I do not aspire to that kind of prodigy-training at all.</p>
<p>Life’s not a contest to be #1. Why don’t people get that?</p>
<p>Hysterical, starbright! And couldn’t agree more, Pizzagirl.</p>
<p>There are generally 2 or 3 women athletes in the US Olympic Figure Skating Team (once every 4 years), so these women are not at all representative of US practices in general. Furthermore, many of them had relatively normal childhoods and attended public schools. There are thousands of students admitted to HYPSM+C every year, and relatively few of them got there because of harsh parenting.</p>
<p>Yes, DadII, depriving athletes of water during practice is considered abusive–and truly dangerous in cases where it may lead to heat-stroke. Depriving them of rest? Not sure what you are referring to.</p>
<p>I can see it used as a verb, too - “I got an A- in Physics and I’m Chuad for the weekend.”</p>
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<p>I don’t think this happens anymore (if it ever did). Today, athletes are constantly reminded to “hydrate” and coaches are more likely to order lots of sleep and eating right.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I completely grasp your point. Most people are probably happier with a moderate lifestyle where academics, sports, music, community service, and social activities are in a comfortable balance. But what you have to realize too, is that there are some kids who actually aspire (on their own, or with only occasional pushing) to be number #1 at something. Children like this are self-driven and would consider it a waste of time NOT to put their whole heart and soul into the endeavor to try to be the best, regardless of the sacrifice required. They may wish they had more time for socializing or whatever, but the lack of it will not deter them in their striving. Parents of these children will be accused of too much pushing, but it won’t be true.</p>
<p>S1 is like that. I asked him his opinion of the Chua method. He said that he knows no one whom he considers to be successful who hasn’t worked extremely hard to get there. So, while the Chua method is extreme, he’s in favor of parenting that promotes hard work and discipline because it’s important to him to excel at what he does. To that I said, “But, I never really had to push you.” He replied, “That’s because I never really needed it, but other kids do, like ________ (his sister). Would she be where she is now if you hadn’t pushed?”</p>
<p>Then that’s great for them. Keyword- self driven.</p>
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Hmmm. Well, maybe. But isn’t it likely that a lot of really pushy parents would say this?</p>
<p>Isn’t that the crux of it though? Some children want to work hard to be number 1…who wants to hold that against them? But some do not, and having to be external pushed throughout one’s childhood seems fundamentally wrong to me. Sure, everyone has to prod, nag, encourage, guide as an adult perhaps here and there, but the relentless forcing of some kid to this level of achievement makes no sense to me whatsoever. </p>
<p>Chua is not about “working extremely hard to get there” (which is what your son does), but is about “mom working extremely hard to push kid there”. </p>
<p>BTW, I’m at the very tippy top of my field- in terms of citations, awards, publications, recognition, promotion and salary- and I can honestly say I never had to work extremely hard. I did at times, and the whole school thing takes quite a long time, but I’m not particularly driven. I also know many many dozens of very successful people in all kinds of ways- some sports, academics, business, who are the same.</p>
<p>Can you imagine how these parents wind up when their kids are out in the work world? “Are you getting a promotion quickly enough?” “What did you get in your latest performance review?” Do they compare them to other junior employees in their class?</p>
<p>I think striving for excellence in great. Striving for #1 is different.</p>
<p>Hunt: Yes, possibly. Awrezy makes a good point when he says that many parents may hide how much pushing they do, so as to avoid criticism. Don’t we all know those parents who love to say their kid has a 4.0 and never studies? Americans seem to adore the model of the casual genius. Too much hard work is nerdy, uncool, and bad for you. We see this theme in a lot of teen movies.</p>
<p>When my S was in elementary school and his intelligence starting standing out because of things like the current events bee and essay contests, I was accused of pushing him and/or doing things for him. In their minds, based on their experience of their own children, they didn’t see how any child his age would willingly read the newspaper enough to know what he knew, or would be able to write on their own what he wrote. But rest assured, he did indeed do it on his own. But the venom people expressed towards us was kind of scary.</p>
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<p>Sure. One can doubt about everything. With the same logic we can say black star atthletes in the NBA and the NFL are pushed by the poor black parents.</p>
<p>On the other hand the is no single evidence showing that Viscardi is unhappy with his life like Lulu. If there was then it would have been scrutinized by the media.</p>
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<p>[Person</a> of the Week: Michael Viscardi - ABC News](<a href=“Person of the Week: Michael Viscardi - ABC News”>Person of the Week: Michael Viscardi - ABC News)</p>
<p>The idea of having my 13 yo be sooo smart in math that he needs to go take college classes otherwise he’ll be bored really isn’t all that appealing to me. I’m plenty happy with normal-bright kids. I think there are a lot fewer social issues with normal-bright kids than with genius-kids.</p>
<p>LOL, starbright. How about this one too:</p>
<p>Mom Chua-ed me out about the B on my report card.</p>
<p>Have been following this thread with great interest, but haven’t posted yet.</p>
<p>Michael was not raised in the way Chua describes. He was a natural prodigy and intitiated his own learning. His mother decided to homeschool him when in the 5th grade the school would not accelerate him.
In fact his mother feared for him, that the isolation would harm him. She was very protective of him, and much concerned that he would develop as normally as possible as a well rounded kid. His involvement in music and in the orchestra though gave him that sense of community with other kids.</p>
<p>I had the pleasure of meeting Michael and his mother, at the science competitions which my D was also involved in. I was struck by what a genuinely friendly nice kid he was, complimenting all the other presentations when his was light years beyond the others. His presentation of the Dirichlet problem solution was one of the most exciting things I saw. His enthusiasm was infectious, and somehow he was able to make it understandable to those of us who are not mathematically inclined…a feat in itself.</p>