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<p>Then why do you care whether they fall behind while on vacation? Seriously? Why is it so important to you that they reach a certain “speed” or play a certain piece?</p>
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<p>Every time I read this I wonder why I even get up in the morning.</p>
<p>The image evoked in this story could be a fitting cover for Chua next book or the last word for this discussion. Props to QuantMech for the humor: </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1078222-has-anyone-seen-piano-sand-bar.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1078222-has-anyone-seen-piano-sand-bar.html</a></p>
<p>Only items that were missing are torn sheets of Franz Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.</p>
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<p>I care, and more importantly they care, now when they are older, because this is one of the activities that they are pursuing. There are competitions that they participate in, there are certain levels of play that are expected by their music teacher.
The fact that my kid wants to play Mendelssohn at 164 or so does not mean that he /she should have a music major in mind. Compare it to sports - the fact that a kid is on a track team does not mean that his ultimate goal is being a professional athlete. Why then does he practice, why does he go to training, meets? I think to become the best athlete he can be. Why, when someone wants to become the best musician he can be, there is suddenly all this talk about “pressure to practice” etc. When you are getting your kid to a swimming practice at 5 or 6 A.M. isn’t it also a pressure to practice? Why is one worse than the other???</p>
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<p>It isn’t, and I didn’t say it was. I don’t know anyone who requires their kids to swim laps at 5am (or at all) while on vacation, but they may exist. If the kids want to do the extra work while on vacation, then I have no problem with it, but that wasn’t the impression I got from your post.</p>
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<p>No, other than a few years of piano lessons when they were younger. Neither of them really took to it. It would have been nice if they had, but oh well. There’s nothing so intrinsically important about playing the piano that they needed to be forced to do so. I gave them exposure and opportunity, just like I did for a full range of other activities (academic, artistic, athletic). They didn’t take to soccer either. Oh well. They took to activities I wouldn’t have necessarily envisioned or chosen myself. That’s the great thing! See, they aren’t ME. </p>
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<p>Fast enough progress for WHAT? Why can’t someone enjoy an activity, and work to become progressively better at it as time goes on, without having to have an external you-must-play-The-Little-Donkey-by-tomorrow-morning-or-else mandate imposed? </p>
<p>If kid enjoys playing the piano, and he “regresses” because the family decided to enjoy a week’s worth of vacation and spend family time together instead of having kid spend his vacation in a practice room … what on earth is the big deal about it?</p>
<p>I’m actually rather proud of the fact that my kids had outstanding acceptance results without ever having won any kind of “contest” in their particular fields of interest. Because it’s enough that they are spontaneously interested and active in those fields. It is not necessary to “beat” other people in them!</p>
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<p>Actually practicing while on vacation is sometimes much easier than practicing at home 
No chores, no homework, plenty of free time. They never take instruments while we go camping. But when we go to Europe for several weeks over summer - not practicing equals disastrous performance upon return and THEY know it. If there is a competition coming up - practicing is even more important.
As for swimming - when there is an important swim meet coming up don’t the kids practice extra hard for it? They would probably skip vacation ;)</p>
<p>All I am saying is that it is very hard to judge how much of practicing is required if you are not seriously involved in music. So don’t judge.</p>
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<p>Oh good grief, Kelowna, no one is objecting to a kid who WANTS to practice for hours on end / get up at 5 am for swimming practice / etc because kid wants to improve his / her skills in a given area.<br>
But that’s not what Chua described, is it? </p>
<p>She wasn’t describing that her daughter didn’t want to leave the piano bench til she mastered The Little Donkey. She wasn’t describing that her kids were disappointed that they didn’t have easy access to piano practice rooms when they were on vacation. She was describing that SHE FORCED THEM because she had arbitrary milestones in mind and it was important they not fall behind.</p>
<p>Surely you see the difference?</p>
<p>BTW, my D was a varsity athlete and her goal in going to practices, getting extra coaching on the side, wasn’t “to be the best athlete she could be.” Her goal was to get better at something she enjoyed. Huge difference.</p>
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<p>Fast enough progress for the expectations of the teacher. it is never “by tomorrow” in my world, but once you are at a certain “level” you really have to practice to make any progress at all. By not practicing you will regress, but practicing just a little you will stay where you are. If you want to make progress you have to practice - something you do not understand if you have not been there.</p>
<p>The nice thing about swimming on a team versus playing the piano under your mother’s watchful eye, is that the child has some control over whether he will have to continue if he really hates it. If he doesn’t make the effort while at swim practice, his coach will kick him off the team. Misery eliminated. This is much tougher to do when your mom is your coach and can withhold anything and everything until you perform to her satisfaction.</p>
<p>Pizza - you were objecting to her kids practicing while on vacation. All I am saying is not to judge if you don’t understand.</p>
<p>Exactly, Bay. </p>
<p>Then again, there was no activity so important that I felt my kids couldn’t drop it if it no longer suited them (once they had fulfilled their ongoing commitments – I’m not talking about quitting and leaving a team in the lurch, but after a season was done – yeah, sure). Life’s too short to do things you don’t want to do anymore and I’m amused by the idea that you should “force” teenagers to do an extracurricular activity that YOU value. I can totally see insisting teens have SOME activity – and maybe even saying one’s got to be athletic for the sake of your health. But what specific activity it is? That’s where I think it starts getting to parental egos, whether it’s having your kid play at Carnegie Hall a la Chua, or having your kid be the starter on the football team.</p>
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<p>My S is JV. His goal is to get better at something he really enjoys. This means he wants to be the best athlete ha can be in the sport he really enjoys. Same thing - different wording, I see no difference at all. No extra coaching here ;)</p>
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<p>Again, good grief. I wasn’t objecting to her kids practicing while on vacation. I was objecting to her FORCING her kids to practice for hours on end and causing them to miss the sights on vacation.</p>
<p>cobrat, you made an important point about persistent problems with American society in post #1019. I don’t believe that any society of which I am aware is free of racism at present (including China). </p>
<p>When it comes to questions of choice (as opposed to innate characteristics) in the US, too, people are affected by the choices made by their grandparents. But anyone who wants to participate in most competitions or examinations is free to do so, regardless of ancestry.</p>
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<p>I don’t know why we are so fixiated on not ever being disappointed. If that’ was really the goal of 10 or 20 asian kids, they didn’t say it was the end of their life if they don’t achieve it. Did they? 9 or 19 of them will be disappointed. They can get over it. They can try again or decide that not worth the bother. Better to learn how to be disappointed than never had the chance to be disappointed. As I cited earlier, the other extreme parenting is allowing everything overly doting parents not holding their kids accountable. That doesn’t come out well, either. How often are we reading about boys incapable of dealing with disappointments and resorting to the aggression these days?</p>
<p>"What Chinese mothers understand is that nothing is fun until you are good at it </p>
<p>Every time I read this I wonder why I even get up in the morning."</p>
<p>I don’t know about you, but I am excellent at getting up in the morning. OTOH, I probably should practice drinking coffee more. Repetition, repetition, repetition.</p>
<p>“Did they? 9 or 19 of them will be disappointed. They can get over it.”</p>
<p>hmmm</p>
<p>'You MUST get A’s" “nothing but A’s are acceptable” “you got a B, you piece of garbage”</p>
<p>“Mom, I am disappointed I got a B”</p>
<p>“oh just get over it” </p>
<p>Am i the only one seeing a disconnect here?</p>
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Since you’re responding to my post, I’ll assume this is directed at me. That’s surprising, because I can’t seem to locate the part of my post where I mentioned anything about disappointment, or trying to avoid it. </p>
<p>I merely stated a fact. If the goal is to be #1 (in a class, in a school, wherever) then only one student will succeed in meeting that goal. The rest of the students will fail to meet their goal.</p>
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I didn’t say it was the goal of the kids. I’m assuming that’s the goal of the parenting method - and presumably the parents at least. But I’ve specifically tried to avoid commenting on Chua or the book since I know very little about it.</p>
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<p>My kids’ violin teacher, a professional violinist in a major symphony, recommended we not travel with the violin. Violins are very delicate and can be damaged by changes in temperature. After paying mega bucks (more than the price of tuition at many state U’s), we decided to let vacations be a time of rest for the violin. My oldest is very accomplished on the instrument, and has only travelled with it when going to an international music summer camp.</p>
<p>And, after all, vacation is a time of rest.</p>