Prompt: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?
Response:
Homo Sapiens: the Intelligent Man. Our species’ binomial nomenclature itself points to the one specific trait that is almost universally believed to define us: our knowledge. From antiquity we have written great texts and scriptures, passing down to the next generations what we prized above all else, our experience and understanding. While knowledge can sometimes be considered a burden, the focus it is given throughout the existence of humanity proves that it is, conclusively, a gift.
In the early 1900s, Spanish Flu; in the 1980s, AIDS; in the 1500s, the Bubonic Plague; all these exemplify diseases that cruelly winnowed the human population. However, we applied our intelligence, and we prevailed. The rate of death from infectious diseases has fallen 85% in the last century; vaccination and antibiotics have improved life expectancy around the world. To call the medical knowledge we have today a “burden” would be to accept the deaths of billions. The advances of medical sciences, are, conclusively, the most beneficial knowledge we possess.
Humans, by nature, are explorers, colonizers, survivors. We dream, as Star Trek puts it, to “boldly go where no man has gone before.” Our forays into the unknown yielded the discovery of America, and spawned the most powerful nation on Earth. Today we have set our sights on the heavens themselves, with our probes traveling at unimaginable speeds through the inky voids of space. Our species, over the ages, has always sought to discover, to gain knowledge, and to understand the incomprehensible. The knowledge gained in the effort to venture outside our comfort zone has its roots in our instinctual curiosity. Humans are curious by nature; denying the integral part knowledge plays in our existence is equivalent to erasing our humanity.
The distinctions we as humans have placed between ourselves and animals rests on our knowledge. To pass that knowledge off as a burden means to accept that we are no more than animals. The knowledge we possess has advanced our species to the greatest on the planet, as well as allowed us to discover both our roots as well as our future. We cannot hope to attain our destiny without knowledge, as it is the mark of our sentience, and the defining characteristic of our humanity.
Please grade from 2-12 and offer criticism. Thank you!
Bump
9/10
+Nice vocabulary
+Good concluding sentences
+Great length
+Nice thesis
+Although the second paragraph has a very broad and generalized example, the logic here is really profound and convincing, and it works nicely.
-1st paragraph could use a little more evidence on how we applied our evidence.
-There are no main points/reasons at the beginning of each paragraph why the attention we give knowledge proves that it’s beneficial.
-Don’t make assumptions such as “To call the medical knowledge we have today a “burden” would be to accept the deaths of billions” or “To pass that knowledge off as a burden means to accept that we are no more than animals.”
-Don’t state an absolute statement such as: “The advances of medical sciences, are, conclusively, the most beneficial knowledge we possess.”
-You probably don’t need to mention: We dream, as Star Trek puts it, to “boldly go where no man has gone before.” Plus, this is splitting an infinitive: to boldly go, which is grammatically incorrect.
-There is no conclusion, but most graders will think it’s fine.
What would you give it from 2-12? BTW, I just realized that the formatting makes the conclusion look like it’s part of the 3rd paragraph. There’s supposed to be a paragraph break between “…erasing our humanity.” and “The distinctions…”. As for the assumptions, those were intended to tie the paragraph to the thesis. How do you suggest I do it, if not this way? For the quote, I figured it added depth and context. Either way grammar errors are ignored if they’re quotes, right?
Two more things:
Is it ok to use fragments stylistically? (first sentence)
Was two examples enough, or would it have been stronger had I gone with 3?
Thank you for reading it.
a 9 or a 10 out of 12.
Yes, you can use fragments for style.
2 examples are enough, I usually use 1.
Alright, thanks!