Be careful what you wish for

Parents Forum
1

<p>S has always been a great student, good kid, not a partier, never any trouble in those realms. In fact, we have often wished for him to step out a bit more socially. He has great friends but relies totally on others to initiate any social life. Would just sit at home if no one called, and has sometimes opted out when they do. There was even a period in early jr. year when he seemed so homebound that we worried enough to consult school SW to see if there was a problem. With her help, we realized there wasn't one and that phase/lull passed. </p>

<p>FF to the present: graduation day coming soon, and he is now champing at the bit for college registration materials to come out so he can get his "first choice" of schedule. Said ideal schedule will have no classes before 10 am and he is hoping no classes on Friday ... or Thursday! (Obviously, this kid was "mentored" well at the April overnights at his chosen school).</p>

<p>I've told him to "go for it" on his ideal schedule, but that I hope this isn't a true indication of where academics rank in his college priorities. He is the usual paper "wad" male student who looks as organized as a tornado, but in fact manages his own schedule, assignments, academic and EC responsibilities quite well. However, this dream class schedule shouts Party Animal red flag to me!</p>

<p>Jamimom offered the following reassurances on another thread: </p>

<p>
[quote]
Jmmom, a number of kids who try the party scene find that the downsides offset the good times. Though most kids have big plans and dreams about this scene, it does not usually pan out as expected. My older son rarely got ill growing up. No headaches, rarely vomited, etc. A few hangovers and praying to the porcelain altar, plus cleanup took care of over drinking. And when you don't get ploughed, it isn't so fun or fascinating to be with a bunch of drunks. So he limited that scene sharply, and surprisingly a large number of kids take that route. There is always that fear that this lifestyle or the substances themselves become addicting or harmful to a kid, and when and if that happens, some intervention is in order, but most of the time, the kids do figure it out at college. It's just you don't want them doing this at home because it then becomes your business that they are doing illegal activities and distressing you.

[/quote]
Anyone else worried about a responsibility-meltdown in the first year? Any experienced Freshman parents have some tips? </p>

<p>I'm thinking we'll have the usual distinctions among categories: kids who were party animals in hs; kids who were kept on a short leash in hs and can't wait to escape; and kids like mine who weren't reined in by parents, but who were rather tame socially of their own volition.</p>

<p>What have you seen? How have you guided/helped?</p>

2

<p>I don't know... wanting classes that start at 10:00 would just be normal for the way my kids' body clocks work. I myself have trouble getting up early and always have. Is he a natural early riser? Mine sleep really late in the summer and on weekends. One of mine got up at 5:00 pm once.</p>

3

<p>I wouldn't worry just because he wants his classes from 10 AM onwards, only 4 days a week. That doesn't necessarily mean that academics no longer matter to him. Do you know what type of classes he wants to take? If he's still taking calculus, english, history, econ etc. but he just wants to start at 10 AM, I see no problem with academic priorities. On the other hand, if he wants a slam dunk 'rocks for jocks' type schedule, that is more of a signal of academic priorities shifting.</p>

<p>Consider it from his point of view--teenagers aren't usually morning people and his entire life thus far has consisted of being at school from 7 am until the school district says he's free to leave at 2/3 pm. He's probably just excited at the idea of having some flexibility and choice finally.</p>

4

<p>jmmom, I don't know where my son falls in the categories you mentioned....I did not keep him on a leash but he was chomping at the bit to go to college. He is at Swarthmore which is not known for it's party atmosphere.</p>

<p>His first year schedule did have classes on Friday. But he loved the "freedom" of all the free time on Fridays (except for 9-12 when he had a class last semester).</p>

<p>I was worried about a responsibility meltdown though. The first semester (which was pass/fail btw) did see him just get by in Biology which was his favorite subject in school but now wasn't. He ignored many of the lectures in the end, so while he managed to pass with a C+, that wasn't all that great for him. Luckily it did not count in the GPA (pass/fail semester as I mentioned). Last semester, he took courses that he really liked and did well. I don't know what happened. He just wisened up, or he liked the courses. And all this without my help. I find that if he's interested in a subject, he does well without any prodding. and btw, I haven't had a chance to prod, nor look at his reports (he won't let me), but I assume he is being honest with me. I think I can assume that.</p>

5

<p>jmmom:</p>

<p>I wouldn't take the "ideal schedule" dreams as a signficant indicator, one way or another. That is pretty much the ideal schedule of every college student, partiers and non-partiers alike. Almost as universal as the desire for the ideal schedule is the unlikelihood of actually getting it. Practical tip: Make sure you son has an assortment of back-up classes in his hip pocket when he goes to register.</p>

<p>Interestingly, Dr. Wechsler (of "binge-drinking" study fame) recommends that colleges schedule more classes and and exams on Fridays, as a component of an alcohol policy designed to limit the number of available binge-drinking nights!</p>

6

<p>Jmmom, As someone who spent the first two years of her college career in serious party mode, I can vouch for the fact that maturity usually does take hold after a while and force kids to buckle down. You've raised a good kid. He'll be alright. Really.</p>

7

<p>DD, now a college junior, and not a partier, much prefers her classes to start after 10am as well. She is an early riser but for discussion based classes and for a more interactive prof she likes her classes later. She says that there is more lively discussion and better labs later rather than earlier in the morning. An 8 am class tends to be very quiet with many absences and many tired yawns. She says she gets more from the class if it starts later. She is ready to go at 6 am but others are not!!</p>

<p>DS, a college freshman, has the same thoughts but he likes to sleep in more than her, and his brain works better later, especially for subjects like physics, math and bio. He says he can meander through an early English and that was fine for high school, but now that he is in college he wants "his money's worth!!" This from a kid on full scholarship!</p>

<p>So I don't think Jmmom, that your son was constructing a partier's schedule. Rather, maybe one that was more conducive to learning and enjoying the learning process.</p>

<p>Jmmom-As a side note, I was really hoping my DD (hs senior) would be joining your son at Tulane. But she turned down their offer and opted instead for a large OOS public 2500 miles from home. I would have very much enjoyed New Orleans!! You have made it sound wonderful all these months.....</p>

<p>Kat</p>

8

<p>I'll agree with most of the posters here. My son, now a college senior, has always tried to schedule his classes to start late (although he has accepted early classes when necessary). He has always been a swing shift kind of kid, up late reading (or playing video games...), enjoying any chances to sleep in. So that was just a natural schedule for him. He is not much of a "party animal," so I know that wasn't why he scheduled his classes to start late--just so he could sleep in and not miss class. (He would sometimes sleep right through his alarm when he had early classes.)</p>

<p>My second son also hopes to schedule later classes. He, however, is a music student, so I know he will not have time to party much--he will be too busy practicing his instrument. He just really, really likes his sleep. (He can't decide whether or not to attend the senior all night party, because it will mean a night without sleep!)</p>

9

<p>Thanks, everyone. I think it was the hoping for no classes on Thursdays that got to me :eek:</p>

<p>aj725 - He will be in Engineering, so there will be no slacker courses for him, rather Calc, Phys, Chem etc. </p>

<p>idad - I do doubt that he will get that "ideal" schedule, but it was Engineering students he was hanging around with for his overnight. the only time I saw him (it was a parent/student Engineering Scholar event) was when he came to take a nap in my hotel room while his host had 4 hours of Friday pm classes :). Vive Dr. Wechsler!</p>

<p>susantm, achat, heidi - yes, I see now that it just might be the desire for a tailor-made schedule, leaving plenty of time for video games, etc. Like I said, it was the free Fri and Thurs that threw me; the nothing before 10 am is just what most kids who have had to start at 7:20 would want.</p>

<p>katw - it's too bad we won't see each other next year. I guess that's why we needed Confidentialia College.</p>

<p>carolyn - well, what can I say? carolyn=serious party mode? What, me worry? :rolleyes:</p>

10

<p>"FF to the present: graduation day coming soon, and he is now champing at the bit for college registration materials to come out so he can get his "first choice" of schedule. Said ideal schedule will have no classes before 10 am and he is hoping no classes on Friday ... or Thursday! (Obviously, this kid was "mentored" well at the April overnights at his chosen school)."</p>

<p>What he wants is typical of what most college students want. That was even true when I attended Harvard. It's a rare student who wants to get up for 8 a.m. or even 9 a.m. classes. Most students, too, would like to have long weekends. </p>

<p>That's why those 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. classes are the last to fill up as are Friday classes.</p>

11

<p>I have to admit that I COUNSELLED my son to take nothing earlier than 10:00 if he coould manage that. It's what worked for me, and he's a lot like me in the way he wakes up. Why not give it his best when he's at his best? No partier he, just a realist!</p>

<p>Really, they'll be fine. If they have goals now, they'll have them at college. I have a great deal of faith in mine.</p>