<p>I want to leave my past behind and then become a different person. I know someone will respond "Be yourself" but sometimes being yourself is the problem.
I have always been myself and it has not made a difference in my life at all, all it has done was isolate others from me and let them see me as a joke. The problem is that I do not know how to compromise or alter my personality to suit everyone else. </p>
<p>Really? Be myself? A girl who is 20-years-old and does not know how to drive, has never kissed, has no close friends, non-spectacular grades, a long history of mental problems, always has people assume she's in high school and that her little sister is older than her and can't keep a job, let alone find a career with a nice salary when I graduate. Are you seriously going to tell someone who has little going for them to be themselves? That's nonsense.</p>
<p>Instead of being oneself, one should be realistic.</p>
<p>How do I fix my problems and then move on with my life? </p>
<p>Does anyone find the "Be yourself" advice garbage?</p>
<p>When somebody tells me to be myself, I think of how I behave around others when I'm truly happy and comfortable. That's the kind of personality, I find, that most people enjoy - when you're not aware of what you're doing and just...you know, being yourself. I think the problem may be that you are too conscious of your own situation and how you behave towards others. There's no easy solution to that then just not think about it. Eventually that concern will hopefully slip away </p>
<p>And you're also right. Not everybody is going to accept you, and that's realistic, but there's plenty of fish in the sea.</p>
<p>TA, there's an entire industry of self-help related material regarding motivation, overcoming anxiety, etc. Start reading some books... there are supposedly some good one's. I don't know which, though. Search on google.</p>
<p>And don't take the phrase 'be yourself' too seriously. Society says don't be an as.shole, but it also says to be yourself. Well what if someone is inherently an as.shole? What should he do? It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to overcome mental barriers, it just means that motivation for decisions/behavior should come from your own perception of them and not from others.</p>
<p>I will take Russell's advice and find some books regarding his suggestions. I don't know where to start when it comes to being my best self though. Take it one step at a time I guess.</p>
<p>I think Neil Strauss says it in "The Game", but he might have been quoting DeAngelo, because he does cover DeAngelo a bit in the book. Or it might be from a Tyler Durden seminar.</p>
<p>^ I haven't learned to drive because I'm afraid of getting hit by cars or hitting a car. I've tried learning, but the fear always gets to me.
I can't get a job I always have issues with co-workers and everyone usually hates me by the time I quit.
As for relationships, I'm too socially retarded for anything like that and I don't want to do anything rude or stupid. It's like I have to always think about these things, I wish I just socialized naturally like most people.</p>
<p>You can't become a different person. You can be a better version of yourself, perhaps, but people cannot change. If you have trouble socializing, read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie - it has great, timeless advice on how to seem more likable and win people over.</p>
<p>TA, please forgive me if I am wrong. I have read some of your posts over the last few months and I feel for you.
Didn't you mention something about mild Asberger's syndrome or something along that line ?
I am in no way qualified to offer you any advice that you are searching for here ..probably not too many people responding here are.</p>
<p>I do hope that you stop comparing your life to that of your sister's. From what I have read in your posts, she does not have the medical issues that you do so don't put that kind of pressure on yourself.
It sounds like you are your own worst critic.
Try not to take on too many tasks or change everything about yourself that you are uncomfortable with.
You are not the only 20 yr old girl who doesn't drive or that has yet to experience your first kiss , even though it may seem so.</p>
<p>I do hope you find something that you like to do that makes you happy...no one has a perfect life so go a little easier on yourself.</p>
<p>^ I actually do have mild Asperger's although sometimes I doubt I have it in the first place and sometimes wonder if it really exists. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, maybe I will talk to him more about this.</p>
<p>I hope I find something I like to do also. I hope I get motivated someday.</p>
<p>Most people say "be yourself" because it causes people to be more sincere and honest with themselves. This is the key to becoming emotionally stable. You seem dissatisfied with yourself. You don't have to change who you are, but perhaps you should change some aspects of your behavior, your actions.</p>
<p>Don't know how to drive? Take a class and pass the test. If that's not possible, don't sweat it. A lot of people don't know how to drive, and use public transportation. (My bf is 20 and doesn't know how to drive, lol). Never been kissed and don't have close friends? Find some people who share a passion with you, and start pushing yourself to hang out with them. Smile, show people that you are comfortable with yourself, people are drawn to that.</p>
<p>You don't have to be liked by everyone. You just need to like yourself. It is possible to find friends with your personality right now.</p>
<p>I - don't laugh - have been scared of learning to drive, too. And I'm sure there are a hell lot of people who felt the same - because nearly everybody in my driving class was nervous as hell.
Don't be scared is not really good advice - it's not that easy.</p>
<p>I conquered my fear in little baby steps. I learned the theory - and I started to realise that you can drive as slowly as you need to feel save. Because I knew the rules I could observe my parents and friends - and I realised that everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes really, really dangerous mistakes. But you know what? Nothing happened. Because driving is not only about you abiding the rules, but also paying attention to the others and correcting their mistakes.</p>
<p>Then I decided to take one lesson. And it wasn't that bad. I mean, of course, I made mistakes, and of course, I was terrified - but the guy sitting next to me could step in and help me.
And because of this, I decided to take the lessons and do the test. After all, there was an instructor sitting next to me, all the time, so it couldn't really be dangerous.
At the time I took the test, I felt confident enough to drive on my own.</p>
<p>Bravery is not a lack of fear. It's proceeding in spite of it.</p>
<p>Yes, as you said, take things one step at a time. You cannot change yourself in one day. It can take years to get to where you want. Remember, we all have things about ourselves that we don't like or think that people don't like, but in the end the only person you answer to is yourself. I believe it should always be one's goal to better oneself, but one should never lose sight of who s/he is.</p>
<p>I know I've changed a lot since high school but around most people i still have a hard time "just being myself" as well at first. College has def helped me grow a lot and really open up to the world, so i would suggest taking advantage of wherever u go to school. also, i'm 19 and don't drive either :) I have a license but have never used it...</p>
<p>Most people don't understand who they really are which makes being yourself not only an impossible, but confusing task. </p>
<p>You should learn why you get angry/sad/happy/emotional and mark your responses to see if you can identify these patterns and seek out what makes you happy. Once you master yourself, everyone else is easy.</p>
<p>I don't want to be ranting off hippy garbage because I'm not. The truth is the most effective, socio-manipulative person I know is extremely introspective.</p>
<p>I read what you said about screwing up relationships, but you don't have to get into a deep relationship to have some fun!! I'm not saying that you should go screw random people, but you can still go to a party, have fun dancing with someone, and kiss them!! Get a roomate/friend to introduce you to some people, and give you sort of a social makeover if I should call it that.</p>
<p>^ Good idea! Hopefully I can find someone I'm friendly enough with to do this.</p>
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Go talk to a mental health professional, no one here can help you.
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<p>That is most likely true. I'll have to wait until I get the money and resources to do so. I also had a really bad experience with one :/
You have a point though.</p>