<p>I think that the beach week decision depends in large measure on how well you know your kid and his/her friends. My daughter and her fun but very level-headed group of girlfriends rented a house in Ocean City, NJ for their senior week (officially a dry town, but of course that can be circumvented.) They researched the rentals, drove down months before to meet the owner and check out the place, had parents co-sign the lease, etc. Believe me, none of us parents would have co-signed the lease if there was any hesitation on our part as to the responsibility of our kids. They had a great time and did it again after their freshman year in college. I think that if you have a group of kids who’ve made good decisions all throughout high school, you have to have some faith that they will not totally lose their minds if left to their own devices for one week. Ocean City is also a beach town we’re very familiar with.</p>
<p>However, a group of 17-year-olds traveling alone to the islands or to Mexico? Out of the question. Different customs, different social norms, - and in case of trouble - very different laws and jails.</p>
<p>I don’t understand parent’s reasoning behind saying “No” in this thread. In a few years, your children will be doing whatever they want in college, yet you can’t trust them yet?</p>
<p>On top of that, you tell stories about how your own parents let you do whatever you wanted when you were kids, and how great of a time you had, but hold a double standard to your own kids. It makes me angry that you won’t let your own kids have fun, when you parents let you!</p>
<p>One thing to consider when you sign the lease is you are responsible. If anyone should get hurt while they are at the rental, you could be liable - drug, alcohol, accident. I know I am taking “f” out of fun, but just consider if you would let your kid have a party at your house while you are away. As good as we may think our kids are, at 18 many things could get out of control. They could have other kids drop by unannounced. A small gathering could turn into a block party.</p>
<p>Another Marylander sending the third generation Junebug off to the beach for Senior Week. She and her girlfriends are deserving of the independence, and will likely excercise good judgement. They are being partially chaperoned by a parent staying close by. </p>
<p>I also know the condo owner two doors down - a regular Gladys Kravitz who checked in on me 25 years ago.</p>
<p>“A few years” is a lifetime in the life of a teenager and in their growth and maturity level. Gee, at 18, they’ll be moving out. Why not let them at 11? After all, it’s “only a few years.”</p>
<p>And about our upbringing: First, the world was a much less scary place than it is now. There were many more people watching out for our parents’ kids. There was no question about our neighbors disciplining us - happened all the time! But today - “How dare you correct my child? Here’s a lawsuit!” Even assuming that you know your neighbors and/or their kids. </p>
<p>Second, there were a lot of things we didn’t know then. We rode in the back of the station wagon without seat belts. Parents smoked in the house all the time. We rode bikes without helmets. And we survived. (Of course, you’re only hearing from those who survived! We don’t know how many kids didn’t.)</p>
<p>Get back to me in 20 or 30 years when you’ve got a teenager and we’ll talk then.</p>
<p>Couple of years back we swallowed hard and let DS go to a Delaware beach house with an unchaperoned senior week coed group. Various factors gave us some reassurance as to the responsibility of the group. And we trusted DS. Three months later DS headed off to college. And we still trust him.</p>
<p>I am reviving this old thread because the topic is still relevant. My S2 just returned from his post-graduation beach week. We weren’t thrilled about him going - in fact, I vigorously opposed beach week - but we took a plunge and let him go anyways. The subject of “beach week” had turned into the Civil War in my house, pitting parent v. parent v. S2.</p>
<p>@Chedva: I agree with you. It was an agonizing decision to let him go and we spent plenty of time second-guessing ourselves.</p>
<p>The kids had a great time bodysurfing at the ocean, watching World Cup games until the wee hours, and they all returned in one piece, so we’re calling it a success. However, you know your standards have slipped when the definition for “success” is “no calls from the sheriff or ER.” My S2 and I have adopted our own personal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy with regard to the events of beach week. He will be headed to college in 7 weeks, so we took the plunge to trust him and let go sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>One of our parents found this [Beach</a> Week Manual](<a href=“http://www.deeprunptsa.com/pdfs/BeachWeekManual.pdf]Beach”>http://www.deeprunptsa.com/pdfs/BeachWeekManual.pdf), which is jointly published by the PTSAs of Deep Run and Mills Godwin High Schools in the Richmond, VA area. It is filled with great tips and talking points for parents to discuss with the kids and helped with planning. There is also a Beach Week Pledge at the end of the manual, which the parents asked all the kids to sign. The Pledge forced the boys to recognize that they were ALL responsible for damages to their house, rather than sticking the lease-signer with any potential damages. (Fortunately there were none.) Though I sincerely doubt that the kids honored every aspect of the Pledge, at least it established some boundaries and expectations for their behavior.</p>
<p>And by the way, “Beach Week” has been around in different incarnations for many, many years. While agonizing/worrying/possibly even ranting(?) about my S2 at beach week, I spoke with my 81-yr old mother-in-law in Ohio who remembers the kids from her high school going to “beach week” almost 65 years ago by renting cabins on a nearby Ohio lake! The WWII generation engaged in the same sorts of shenanigans that our recent graduates did, even though they were in the Midwest, far from the ocean. I realized then that some behaviors do not fundamentally change.</p>
<p>When I did Beach Week 30 years ago (ugh - I am really that old!), our chaperone was a 25-28 yo daughter of a close family friend. She was thrilled to be offered a free week at the beach in exchange for monitoring 5-6 17yo girls. This could be a reasonable compromise. </p>
<p>We weren’t the wild types, however I never disclosed to my parents that my boyfrield (now husband) was only 4 condos away on the same floor. </p>
<p>The kids around here still do Beach Week - typically Seaside Heights. (yes - same place as MTV’s Jersey Shore). I haven’t heard if there are chaperones. We own a beach house, but I doubt my D & her friends will go there next year. I can’t even get her to come down this weekend.</p>
<p>When this thread was new last year I posted that we didn’t have a decision regarding then-HS-junior Son. Now that he has graduated, I can report that he did indeed go to OCMD for an unchaperoned week with his 8 BFFs. They stayed in the condo of my H’s frat brother. No incidents other than the owner’s maid expressed dismay that they didn’t work harder to get some sand out of the bathtub and that they had the nerve to “donate” unopened food to the household. </p>
<p>S1 went to Panema City in a car with three other friends. The tour company renting the condos had a charter bus available but he signed up too late. They stopped over in Atlanta on the way down, then were in an accident just as they got to Panema City (car totaled, no one hurt, not their fault) He was able to come back on the charter bus. He had a great time and came back in one piece. From what I heard, though, some of the chaperoned trips were a lot wilder than the unchaperoned ones.</p>
<p>Nope, you are not alone stradmom. There is no way I would have let my kids do a beach week. They weren’t allowed to do a coed overnight after prom either. No one complained. Everyone was happy. No big deal. :-)</p>
<p>I live in California and the beach is 5 minutes away for my kids! haha. They definitely go to the beach but they aren’t hanging out in a party house/room for a week. They come home at night.</p>
<p>I’m with you on this. We offered son an international trip of a lifetime in lieu of beach week. My issue with they way they do beach week here is there are parent chaperones who swear on a stack of bibles they won’t let the kids drink. But the minute they get to the beach they start supplying the kids with alcohol. I saw facebook pictures of the beach week my son missed and it was like an episode of Girls Gone Wild. Apparently some of the girls were even hanging out topless with some of boys in the hot tub.</p>
<p>It’s not that I don’t think my son never drinks or won’t drink at college. My issue is that the parents bald-face lie about it to the other parents and think it’s okay. They will even actively try to prevent parents who are known to be against teen drinking from going. It’s a big joke among the kids. IMHO, those parents couldn’t be setting a worst example for the kids and I didn’t want my son part of that. I think he understood.</p>
<p>All of you - including Chevda and Happymomof1 -</p>
<p>Get real - in two months they’ll effectively be on their own. Will you know where they are every weekend? Will you keep them home every school break? If they don’t know how to handle themselves by now, they won’t in two months or in two years - especially if they’re not allowed to try. How many kids who are not college bound are getting married and starting lives of their own? How many kids barely out of high school are taking care of themselves and others in Iraq and Afghanistan?</p>
<p>I’m not saying that you won’t worry or that you shouldn’t have emergency plans that you talk over with your kids - but you’re only input in this should be who’s paying for it.</p>
<p>The facebook pictures I’ve seen of some kids beach weeks are eye-opening. Back in my day (shakes cane) girls did not have lingerie fashion shows/girl on girl action for the boys entertainment. I do hope the young ladies get tips. Does it really make a difference if this behavior is going on in the basement down the street or at a beach rental? </p>
<p>I went to Europe on my own dime with a friend at 18. Before the days of cellphones or kids having credit cards. My parents never thought of saying no, and I’m grateful for having had that kind of freedom. It made me more mature and responsible.</p>
<p>For every Natalee Halloway there are multiple more girls raped or murdered in their own home towns.</p>
<p>I love the “in two months, they’ll be on their own, so why not start now?” </p>
<p>First (and this is speaking from experience; my d is now a rising senior in college), believe it or not, college is a controlled environment. Anyone who thinks that living on campus with lots of kids on a campus is the same as being on your own in an apartment is dreaming. </p>
<p>Second, when they’re away in college, they’ll be busy. It’s not the same as having strictly free time, with no responsibilities for a week. </p>
<p>Third, what I do not know I cannot condone. Nor can I say no. But it’s different if someone is asking for me to give permission, which is what these “beach weeks” are. My d may still have done some of those things, but she had full knowledge of my position. </p>
<p>And last, two months, despite what teens believe, is a long time in the maturity level of a teenager. </p>
<p>Leaving home is the bright line, just as turning 16 (or whatever it is your state) is the bright line for getting a driver’s license. Is a kid who turns 16 tomorrow necessarily less responsible than a kid who turned 16 yesterday? Of course not. But the latter can drive legally while the former cannot.</p>
<p>I do not need to condone that of which I disapprove, nor do I have to pay for it.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed the students who have a tendency to go wild in college are the ones with parents who won’t allow beach weeks or co-ed sleepovers. But that’s just anecdotal.</p>
</p>
My S2 and I have adopted our own personal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy with regard to the events of beach week. He will be headed to college in 7 weeks, so we took the plunge to trust him and let go sooner rather than later.</p>