<p>^^^ Not always the case. I have two in college already (one with one semester to go and one a junior). They are doing just fine thank you and no one is swinging from the rafters. Just because I didn’t allow a week of co-ed partying after high school graduation does not mean I didn’t allow them their independence. I allowed more and more independence as they got older and as they earned this independence by making good choices in their lives. I always kept an open mind but I stayed true to what I thought was right. It worked for me and my family. What I find surprising is that many friends of my children come to my kitchen table for advice. Hmmmm… Just food for thought</p>
<p>My 18 year old DD just got back from her beach week in Florida. It was a group of 10 kids and, initially, I thought it would be an unchaperoned group. I still gave her permission to go because ,starting July 31, she will be in college on her own and 10 hours away. In addition, I knew six of the kids(4 girls and 2 boys) very well. They seemed level headed and ,in the 4 years or more that I have known them, never gave me any reason to doubt them.</p>
<p>Then I found out that the trip would be chaperoned by parents of a girl that I did not know. The parents would be living in the condo with the kids. Oh goody, I thought! Wrong!!!</p>
<p>The parents allowed the girl’s 25(!!!) year old boyfriend to stay with her in the condo. They stayed in the same room together! And the boyfriend brought his 25 year old friend from work to stay with the group with the parent’s permission. The two 25 year old guys could legally buy lots of liquor and did. The unattached friend was constantly trying to get my DD and her buddies to get drunk and … (you get the picture). My daughter and her friends were so freaked out by this guy that they withdrew from the main condo and stayed in a guesthouse on the property. My DD’s two male buddies were concerned enough about this guy that they stayed up to keep watch on the guesthouse.</p>
<p>All this was happening with full knowledge of the “chaperoning” parents. In addition the parents allowed their daughter to get so drunk that she vomited several evenings in a row.</p>
<p>So much for chaperoning! But I am grateful that my D trusted her instincts and acted on them. (And she did have a pretty good time despite this stuff.)</p>
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<p>That’s not the anecdotal stuff I hear. I think that is something parents tell themselves to justify why they either looked the other way while their kids drank every weekend in high school or worse, to justify why they provided their kids with alcohol. The kids that seem to have the hardest time are the ones that start partying hard in HS and then continue on in college.</p>
<p>Some of the kids (certainly not all) in my son’s extended social circle who participate in beach week (which, in my state, is a week long drunk fest - everyone but a few naive parents know it) have been binge drinkers since early high school and already have reputations as heavy-duty partiers. (Which, by the way, are some of the same kids who parents ‘chaperone’ these trips). NONE of the kids whose parents didn’t let them go have that reputation. Will some of those kids who didn’t go to beach week, go off to college and start partying? Of course. But I would venture to guess that 100% of those kids who have already been partying hard in HS will go on to be wild in college - where it is more the norm. </p>
<p>[College</a> Binge Drinking - Binge Drinking Students who Drink on College Campuses](<a href=“http://www.northstarcenter.com/bingedrinking.html]College”>http://www.northstarcenter.com/bingedrinking.html)</p>
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<p>My theory is the longer you can stop them from drinking or at least make it harder, the less chance you have of them becoming alcoholics (actually, there is a quite a bit of research data to support this). I would be very surprised if my son didn’t drink in college but I certainly don’t expect him to ‘go wild.’</p>
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<p>There’s a huge gap between those who “party hard” in high school and those who are not sheltered. I’m not saying parents should let their kids get wasted every weekend. But those who are exposed (rather than drowned) in that world are those who fare the best.</p>
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<p>Which couldn’t possibly explain why I said “tendency” instead of “always with absolutely no exceptions.”</p>
<p>Wasn’t really paying that close of attention to the semantics of your statement. I just wanted to point out that kids raised by parents who may be perceived as “strict” can continue to do well, thrive and enjoy the college experience. That’s all.</p>
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<p>I agree but I don’t think that not allowing a co-ed sleepover or a week at the beach to party is equivalent to ‘sheltering your kids’ - not by a long shot. I view it as saying ‘there are some things I don’t think are right and as long as you are under my roof, I’m not going to condone those activities.’ Nothing wrong with upholding standards of behavior. With any luck, they will remember that when they are out of their own and have to make that decision for themselves. You don’t need to be exposed to every possible scenario out there to know the difference between right and wrong.</p>
<p>Exactly! Well said, MomLive! :-)</p>
<p>I totally agree about trying your level best to prevent kids from drinking in high school. But I also think that, as my teen got older, she needed some “trial runs” where she was on her own, so she could learn to handle herself. I allowed her to go to NYC with a friend to see a show and tour the city for 2 days without a chaperone in the fall. After she turned 18, I allowed her, on occasion, to go to a DC club with friends. And I felt the beach week was another opportunity for her to be on her own. So far, she has done well. During these trial runs, she may have consumed alcohol. I don’t know. But she came home safe and also proud of herself that she had managed on her own. </p>
<p>When she successfully has these trial runs, I feel more confident that she will be fine at college.</p>
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<p>Absolutely true and I agree wholeheartedly. But, I’d like to add that attending Beach Week doesn’t automatically make a kid (or a parent) legally, morally and ethically corrupt.</p>
<p>“Good” kids go to Beach Week and “bad” kids go to Beach Week. “Good” kids stay home and “bad” kids stay home. I don’t see the point of debating this as if there’s one universally correct decision for every family and its new grad.</p>
<p>^Agreed. That’s why parenting is so darn hard. You have to make decisions at every turn in spite of what other people are doing with their own kids. I’ve learned to go with my gut and my gut told me Beach Week was a bad idea - the facebook pictures I saw from my son’s group confirmed that I made the right decision for our family. I have no regrets to saying no. Now, on to the next tough decision…:)</p>
<p>I will just echo the point that there is no one answer to this. My son went on a “beach” (really lake) week with friends, and all reports are that it was almost comically benign. Of course, this was after all the girls who had been invited dropped out.</p>
<p>just saying, but in most other countries, it would be unusual for kids NOT to have taken many trips like these by the time they are 18.</p>
<p>Moreover, having Mommy and Daddy around won’t protect you from a Joren Van der Sloot.</p>
<p>I did Beach Week in Ocean City with two close friends. We rented the hotel and stayed by ourselves. We didn’t go crazy or wild. In fact, most nights we sat in bed, eating Candy Kitchen candies and watching Say Yes to the Dress. We joked we put the “senior(like citizen)” in senior week. We thought beach week was the DUMBEST place to try to drink underage. We had alot of fun though. We took old time photos and sat on the beach all day and went to the boardwalk. </p>
<p>Granted, all three of us have drank and done the coed sleepover thing, but we also know how to control ourselves. Our parents let us drink from young ages, so it wasn’t a taboo. There were some kids in the hotel going crazy, but just as many who were content to just “chill”.</p>
<p>I know this a very old thread, but I just had to comment. I truly believe for kids to mature they have to experience time on their own to make decisions and yes, maybe even some mistakes. My daughter is at senior week right now - coming home tomorrow. She has stayed in touch with me throughout the week, sent me pictures of what has been going on, and from what I can tell, she is having a blast. I am not naive enough to think that they have abstained from alcohol and have had a totally innocent week. But I know they are good kids and trying to navigate their independence at senior week, balancing their own sets of morals with the need to have fun and let loose a little. From my own personal experience, kids who have been given a little freedom, who have been allowed to make their own mistakes and a lot of their own decisions are much better equipped to go off to college. My freshman year in college there was a girl on my floor who came from a super strict family. She was the one drinking shots and puking her guts out at college parties once she had a taste of freedom, and in fact by our sophomore year she got pregnant to her first boyfriend and dropped out of school. It is a balancing act for us as parents, but I think I have made the right decision in allowing my daughter to experience things like senior week on her own.</p>
<p>As I read through this thread, I kept thinking of poor Natalie Holloway…Who went on a beach weekend never to return…it’s so sad because no one is truly going to keep watch over your children like you do…I am one of those "strict/“old fashioned” parents who believes that everything comes in due time…kids want to grow up so damn fast. Like I tell my dd, enjoy being a kid because being an adult can be so stressful at times. What’s the rush?</p>
<p>And I know parents who let their kids party when in hs. They ended up flunking out, some came home pregnant. If dd wanted to go on a beach weekend/week with her friends…I would have to think long and hard. The kids in her school are already exhibiting unhealthy behaviors in junior year. Not so sure if I would be too comfortable sending her off with them for a long period of time.</p>
<p>Good for you, AAcheermom. I’m glad you’re happy with your decision. I’m sure it works out in many cases. Is this an organized school event, with chaperones, or just kids staying on their own at a hotel or resort? </p>
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<p>For me, knowing that our kids were drinking underage would not be ok, nor something I’d want to finance. If they were being chaperoned, I’d be even less thrilled, as the chaperones go on these trips with the understanding that the kids will not do something illegal or dangerous where they could be blamed.</p>
<pre><code> Our family took a trip to Hawaii the summer after my Dds senior year and made some wonderful memories. It was the last family vacation with all four of us. I needed and deserved the vacation more than my children did, frankly.
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<p>College was the perfect time for my kids to experience their independence, and they had plenty of time to make mistakes and live by their decisions. But to each his own.</p>
<p>Huh. I didn’t know this had a name. I did this my senior year to Myrtle Beach. My parents never even thought twice about letting me go with my boyfriend and a few friends. I wasn’t going to do anything there I hadn’t already done before. </p>
<p>I was allowed to drink and have co-ed sleepovers. But I’ve been drunk a handful of times only. OTOH, my parents felt they raised a good kid and I never gave them a reason not to trust me. I truly don’t know what I would’ve done if they didn’t let me go. I probably would’ve gone anyway. They had nothing to hold over me. But like I said, that would not have occurred to them to tell an 18 year old no. I was not a normal kid though. I never had desire to drink until I was stupid or do drugs. </p>
<p>Hmm. I like reading the different reactions on here.:)</p>
<p>My son has a great group of friends and has shown himself to be very responsible. He is the youngest of 4 with a 12 year spread so I feel like I have seen a lot. I would not let him do an unsupervised trip and I don’t think many, if any of his friends parents would either. I know he can do whatever he wants next year at college, but for now he is still here and he doesn’t seem to mind. Also he won’t be 18 til after college starts. Our neighbor’s HS senior went on a grad trip to the Carribean about 5 years ago with a group not affiliated with her HS. There was a lot of alcohol and she was raped by 2 boys she had known for years. Devastating for her!</p>
<p>My kids did not and will not do any kind of “senior beach week” in high school. I can’t think of a single family in our area that does such a thing. Now when kids are in college, maybe.</p>
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<p>That was Aruba. Not Jamaica.</p>
<p>I travel to Jamaica quite often, for work and vacation both, and love it, obviously. The added risk is, IMO, in being out of the country if something goes awry.</p>
<p>In the case of Natalee Holloway, that would be a teaching moment to my daughter - do not ever, under any circumstances, leave your friends and go off with someone you just met. In fact don’t leave your friends, period, end of story.</p>
<p>Aruba, Jamaica,Pluto…young, naive young women(even not so young/experienced women) can be vulnerable anywhere they go…especially where there is fun,booze,drugs and the air filled with hedonism.</p>
<p>I took my kids on a trip many years ago to Jamaica…we were with a group of 90 people at a gorgeous “safe” resort…There was a VERY unsettling situation that occurred late one night and I was in mom mode the whole time I was there. It really showed me that unsavory characters look for opportunities to victimize females…thank God I didn’t let my hair down!</p>