It all comes down to what you can afford as parents without jeopardizing your security and retirement. Also what risks you want to take. I do believe that kids have different needs, and most of us parents try to swing with them.
A close friend of mine with her oldest a bit older than my oldest, was a firm advocate of public schools. She and her husband went to public schools all the way through graduate and professional programs. They were very successful in their fields and enjoyed a high quality of life. They also enjoyed a very high return on their educational costs. Their oldest, an excellent student did the same, graduating from a flagship state school and continuing with a graduate degree at a public. Their second did the same.
Thenā¦ there was the third. He graduated high school by the skin of his teeth. Ability wise, he could do the academics but he had a lot of other issues. It was pretty clear after 2 gap years, that a small school environment was what would give him the best chance of success. In retrospect, the large public school system was not a good match for him. And, so they paid for an expensive private school, where he managed to get by. My friend has absolutely no doubt that he would have dropped out of the excellent, top flight state schools where her oldest two thrived. It was a difficult gauntlet for the youngest to get through college even with about as much nurturing and attention that a college could give. Ten years later, heās doing well in the business world and now working on a MBA. But back then, it was a rough go.
And you learn from each kid too. As well as get a change of heart. Life is not static. These days things change so quickly that what might have been a good deal at the onset of the college train journey is not, as things go on.