Roommate advice!!

<p>I'm currently a HS senior and my 'best friend' is applying to the same schools i have and is likely going to go where i go. I use quotes when saying best friend because we have been best friends for a few years.. had a big fight a couple years ago, but we're still close. However, it seems we are recently drawn to hang with different groups. She is shy and pretty dependent which is getting annoying. Today she hinted that we would room together at college. Personally, I would prefer we go to different schools. I am considering a private school and honestly I think a bigger state school would be better for her. How do I handle this? Do I tell her or should I just deal and accept the fact that I've gotta carry her socially thru college? HELP PLEASE!!!</p>

<p>If you end up at the same college, still don't say anything to her. Just go along with what she says, but then call your school's housing department and say "On my housing app I didn't request any specific roomates but please do not room me with person X since we haven't gotten along in year." Although you DO get along, if you don't wanna room with her, I suggest doing that at hope it works. Or you can just tell her that you agreed to room with a friend (that she doesn't know. Kind of also a lie)</p>

<p>I have the same dillemma! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ROOM WITH A FRIEND UNLESS YOU ARE POSITIVE YOU COULD LIVE WITH THEM FOR AT LEAST A SEMESTER! MAKE UP ANY EXCUSE NOT TO. You guys will probably bug the heck out of eachother the entire time, and little things she/he does that didn't use to bother you will start to irk the life out of you, Then at the end of the year you guys will probably hate eachother.</p>

<p>I would agree with what KingJames said, just tell the housing people you specifically do not want to be roomed with that particular person.</p>

<p>Yea let them know if you dont want to room with her, and if she asks later you can always just say it mustve been a mixup and you like your current roommate so dont want to change. You shouldnt try to determine what school she goes to though.</p>

<p>Thanks.. I have a feeling if I tried to pull the whole "I don't know what happened" thing she (and her overbearing mom) would see right through it. I'm not trying to determine which school she goes to, but I do honestly think a smaller school isn't suited best for her.</p>

<p>If all else fails... just tell her (nicely..or maybe not) that college is about meeting new people, and you really want to room with someone that you dont know. Also say this: "If I end up hating my roomate, then I can always come to your room to hang out/crash, and vice versa, and i know we've been hanging out for a few years, but I think for right now we should really try to meet different people" (i know it sounds like a bad breakup line to your boyfriend/girlfriend, but try it, see if it works) :)</p>

<p>....i think u have awhile before deciding who you will room w/ next year... and the there are a lot of conflicting things that could happen... what if she gets in and u don't (or vice versa)... or like at my college honars kids have the option to live on the honars floor.. what if u do honars and she doesn't... therefore you can't live on the same floor... what if she decides to be on the same sex hall/ floor and u want to live co-ed... there are a lot of things that can go wrong which would cause u guys not to be roomie....</p>

<p>anyway something sorta like this happened to a friend of mine (we are both frosh at college) a friend of his, from bak home wanted to be his roomate... and he stated for the scantity of the friendship, that it might be best just to to be roomates.. and it worked out... they are like best friends now in college... and its just better like that. Next year they are thinking of living in a suite together.... </p>

<p>...just play it off that u don't want to commit to anything right now.. and hope that something out of your control makes things so that u don't have to make a hard decision, and hurt a friend's feelings.. </p>

<p>good luck!</p>

<p>if by some chance you do wind up at the same college, then by no means does that actually require you to be be "friends" with her still. college is a time for exploring and making new friends, i'm sure she'll do the same. either way, just concentrate on your future and what YOU want. if she's as dependant as you say she is, she'll most likely just cling on to anyone else nearby.</p>

<p>Im not sure but If she's at least one of your "best friends", is she really so horrible that you do not wish to room with her? I totally understand your situation if you dont wan't to room with her though if she is gonna be anti-social but I think the best thing to do is wait it out because like said before, you might want to actually wait to see if you will be both going to the same college instead of making your mind up now and potentially damaging your "friendship". Anyways, things may change and you might have different feelings once college approaches and you may want to have your best friend by your side, I mean even if she is your roommate doesnt mean you have to hang out with her every second and hopefully she will become more social as a result.I guess you will just have to wait it out, Good Luck :)!</p>

<p>If you actually do not like this girl, then best thing to do is slowly drift apart so in the next 6 months its like you're barely acquaintances. Over time, it's very easy to ditch a friend, not so in a week when housing apps come.</p>

<p>The meeting new people approach is the best way to tell her honestly if you do like her as a friend, but the you already know someone that asked would make her feel better. You could say your cousin's best friend you met whenever you went to visit relatives and she already asked you to room with her.</p>

<p>If shy and dependent is how you see her then you should not room with her at any cost! You don't have to carry anyone unless you volunteer to do so, but if you become roomates its going to be hard to avoid it. You have friends that come by your room and you're going out, its going to be hard to leave her just sitting their moist-eyed looking at you leave. A clingy roommate is going to include herself in your group of friends, follow you when you go somewhere, etc.</p>

<p>There is a lesson in this, and perhaps surprisingly its for you! Its that of learning to be assertive without being aggressive or mean. If she gets into your school at some point she will discuss the roommate questionairre and tell you she wants you both to request the other. I don't advise what has been suggested, calling the housing office to say you don't want to room with her. When you get the housing assignments it will be obvious you're not roomates and you'll have to explain things then, and things will just get worse if she or her parents start calling the housing office to "fix" the mistake if you try to go down the "I don't know what happened" road, etc. I think tuckden89 gave great advice about what to say; you are entitled to your choices and this will be an excellent chance to practice standing up assertively for them. A link about this is at <a href="http://tinyurl.com/afuty%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://tinyurl.com/afuty&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>But this puts the cart in front of the horse. First of all, it isn't clear she'll apply to your school or choose it over other choices. You shouldn't be trying to steer her choices, but as a friend be supportive and helpful in talking to her. And in any event a larger school may be exactly wrong for a shy person because to succeed at a large state school you need confidence and a degree of outgoingness in order to go to office hours to talk to profs, meet students in large classes, etc. </p>

<p>What I DO suggest you do when the subject of colleges comes up is something termed "active listening". Its a variant on a counseling technique but safe for anyone to use because you're not trying to solve a person's problem, you're just listening and supportive. You can ask questions such as why she's considering your college, what she expects to find there that won't be at other schools, how she's choosing a college,etc. but the point is these are just questions. You're not telling her how to do things. And the biggest part is listening; we often discover things about ourselves and our choices when we can talk about them. A link to how to do this is at <a href="http://tinyurl.com/9vk5k%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://tinyurl.com/9vk5k&lt;/a> and at <a href="http://tinyurl.com/bfm5g%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://tinyurl.com/bfm5g&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>