<p>Will practice help? will talking to more people often will help me? I usually don't know what to say to people. This is making my college life miserable lol</p>
<p>You are too self conscious about what you are saying and that’s what inhibits you.
Get a job or volunteer where you have to greet people and interact with them.</p>
<p>Yes, practice will help. Also, observe. See what other people do and how they act to start/maintain a conversation. I dealt with extreme anxiety since age 12 (now about to turn 24). This past year after college I worked as a retail manager interacting with everyone in the store, including customers. I can’t tell you what a change I’ve noticed in myself. Definitely get yourself out there and practice. Get a job, join clubs, be more active in class. It all helps.</p>
<p>Just be yourself. I agree with Batllo that you’re too self-conscious. Stop thinking about what people think about you because, in all honesty, they won’t analyze everything you do and say. They can’t, and they won’t. No one wants to do that, and no one will. If you stop really caring about what people think of you, and just be yourself, you’ll form better relationships because people will get to like you for who you are, and not for the facade you put on. It’s a good idea, though, in conversations, to try and keep the focus on the other person, because initially, people like to talk about themselves, and starting off listening can give them a good impression, and that way you don’t have to talk as much. Ask them questions. But above all, be yourself. If you naturally feel like spazzing, then spaz out. If you want to giggle, do it. Don’t fear what other people think because the ones that matter will love you for who you are.</p>
<p>I’ve heard the “just get over it” feedback before. People with these problems can’t just stop thinking that way. Perhaps counseling will help to change your thought patterns. It took me many years to stop caring what people thought. It isn’t as easy as it sounds, and people who have not experienced it daily for an extended period (months/years) have a difficult time really understanding how we ruminate about things. Cognitive behavioral therapy is great - it helps to begin changing your thought patterns and gets you to take baby steps towards changing your behavior with it.</p>
<p>If you don’t like that option, then just immerse yourself in social situations if you can handle it. Do you have difficulty with anxiety, or do you just generally not know what to talk about? That could make a difference in how you approach things. Baby steps is key. Work on practicing/mastering one thing before moving on to the next.</p>
<p>@ NovaLynnx</p>
<p>I give this advice only because it’s the advice I received, and it worked. I was super shy and introverted, and terrified of putting myself out there before college. But the staff member from orientation, and then my RA gave me this advice. It took time, but each time I felt the fear coming on, I just thought of what they told me. Just the other day, it was hitting me very hard, and I got the same advice from one of my hallmates, and honestly, you just have to keep saying it to yourself. Eventually, it gets better. I’m not all the way there yet, but it does help.</p>
<p>Practice talking to your best friends. Practice saying whatever is on your mind. Some shy people sometimes want to say something, think it over in their head, but feel like the situation is right for them to say it. So they don’t. Practice saying whatever comes to your head.</p>
<p>When you are in the conversation, just be blurt things out and smile. Look them straight in the eye when you talk. The mentality that helps shy people is this: the person you are talking to is lucky to be part of your life.</p>
<p>It definitely does get easier with time. I have social anxiety issues but I’ve been working on making myself less freaked out with the ‘baby steps’ approach- it works super well since even though I’m not quite near being fine with talking to people, I can think back to what I was like a few years back, and thinking about the progress that I’ve made gives me more confidence and helps me push myself further. My advice would be to just push yourself as much as you can- if there’s something that you’re afraid to do socially, try to do it- if you chicken out that’s fine, just means you weren’t ready, but if you end up doing something that’s scary, it’ll start to freak you out less in the future and you can feel proud of yourself for taking a new step. And everything really does get less scary the more often you do it :)</p>
<p>Post # 4 hit the nail on the head. I’ve given the same advice to my shy S and taught the same info to adults during sales force training. It’s not just a freshman issue; it’s a life skill to be learned.</p>
<p>No matter the age, many people think they are the ‘center of the universe’ (survival instinct). So, the key is to ask questions, really listen to their response, reply accordingly, and ask more in-depth questions (but throw in some honest info about yourself too). People love to talk about themselves and subconsciously, they like people who are interested in them.</p>
<p>Though some will drone on and on about themselves, at least you can determine if this is a person you’d want for a friend or not. And if they are truly interested in you, they will begin to ask questions about you. Once a true friendship (that YOU want) is established, the Q&A will equalize.</p>
<p>I agree with joining groups/clubs, etc. that reflect your interests since these will be people with whom you already share a commonality.</p>
<p>To decrease your discomfort and anxiety, start a written list of ‘conversation starter’ questions and memorize them. Think of questions that reflect your usual environments (classrooms, cafeteria, shared hall bathroom, etc.). </p>
<p>For example:
General - Where are you from, have you been back home yet, what do you miss, parents bugging you, homesickness, etc.? What classes are you taking, which do you like/dislike, have you picked a major, etc.? Have you found any good off-campus restaurants, what food was good/bad, etc. What dorm are you in, do you like it, how’s your roommate, etc.?</p>
<p>Classroom - What do you think of this class, the professor, the tests, homework, etc.? (Also consider joining study groups - easier to talk to others)</p>
<p>Cafeteria - If it’s packed, don’t sit alone. Ask someone in line to join you. Or, look around to see there’s a group or a single person with an empty seat and ask if you can join. Go back to General questions.</p>
<p>Hall Bathroom: Did you pick this dorm or were you assigned? Like/dislike it? How are you and your roommate getting along, know each other from before or random, etc.</p>
<p>This is a great time in your life to learn this new skill set. Once in work world, you’ll have to do it all again. But I also agreed to push yourself a little and to take baby steps.</p>