Senior S accepted at multiple schools that all offer engineering. Top school academically “scares” him a bit as to how much he thinks he’d “just be studying” all the time…versus you know, enjoying college. Prefers one of the other schools that isn’t perceived as tough. Told him that engineering will be tough no matter where he goes and the goal of college is to graduate and get a job …he also will be playing a sport in college.
Problem is he actually has listened over the years, as I had a similar dilemma many moons ago which I shared with him somewhere along this journey. RPI was where I thought I wanted to go, got wait listed, ended up going elsewhere and enjoyed college much more than my best HS friend who went to RPI and “studied all the time”. Also, my S read Chapter 3 of “David and Goliath” by Malcolm Gladwell about a girl that went to Brown vs U of Maryland and struggled being in the bottom third at Brown when she could have excelled at U of Md…premise by Gladwell being that being a big fish is better than being a small fish (analogy attempt).
@LCalum my browser won’t quote
" Also, my S read Chapter 3 of “David and Goliath” by Malcolm Gladwell about a girl that went to Brown vs U of Maryland and struggled being in the bottom third at Brown when she could have excelled at U of Md…premise by Gladwell being that being a big fish is better than being a small fish (analogy attempt)."
She struggled at not being recognized by the student body for her greatness?
Your son shouldn’t worry about that. One day he’ll arrive to a place where he is a tiny fish and he should learn how to handle with it instead of running back to his comfort zone.
Have your son listen to a class at the small and big schools. Ultimately it’s his choice and not a bunch of strangers on the Web. He should choose the school he’s most comfortable/likes with regardless of size or prestigious.
At worst he can transfer out.
If he thinks he’s going to be “enjoying college” in engineering, he’s raising the odds that he ends up in the 1/2 to 2/3rds that end up quitting engineering at most schools when they decide it isn’t worth it. His expectations of college and the reality are going to clash, and something has to give. Add to that a sport, don’t know where he’ll find the time for that…
So I suggest this. Have your son talk to some kids in engineering at that “not so tough” school. By setting expectations now he won’t be so surprised when school starts in the Fall.
Any kind of engineering is rigorous enough a major that he will have to be reasonably disciplined about reading the books, going to class, doing the assignments, and starting projects early in order to be successful at any college. At less selective colleges, the weaker and less disciplined students tend to change to other majors, leaving a relatively strong peer group among his junior and senior engineering classmates.
Yes, he can enjoy college, but it will be more enjoyable if he is always on top of the course work, rather than constantly being behind to pull all-nighters just to barely pass.
If he hasn’t done so already, he should do overnights at the schools he is considering. My D has done overnights at several campuses and it has really helped her to understand what she is getting into.
Take Gladwell with a large grain of salt. Where is it your child will do better work? That’s your question.
When he has been in situations where he is over his head, how did the situation turn out? How did he feel about being in over his head? How did he feel about himself and how the situation turned out? Certainly in sports he’s found himself in over his head. Ask him about those occasions and any occasions in school when that happened.
I take Malcolm Gladwell’s theories with a large grain of salt. That said my son and I have had these same conversations. I know him and he’s going to be a lot happier at a college where he’s in the top half academically rather than the bottom half and where the student body is not hyper-competitive. He’s going to learn more in that type of environment, that’s just how he is. If he gets into one of his reaches it doesn’t mean he will attend. Prestige is great for some people but it will not drive this decision.
Fwiw, here are my thoughts based on our gifted young man who is a born collaborator, not a competitive type of person.
We had this conversation quite a bit during the college application process. He didn’t want to be in a situation where the handful of undergrad research opportunities meant high stress, cut throat attitude toward his peers, etc. He thrives in team work, helping others, etc. That is just his personality. He ended up eliminating several school simply bc he decided that their atmosphere didn’t fit him and he thought he would find oppressive and make him depressed.
He is a happy bigger fish. His “real” stress is low. His “self-induced” stress is normal for him. (He is a perfectionist and approaches things that way.) He spends lots of time tutoring others which he thoroughly enjoys. He is experiencing high levels of achievement. He loves school and is happy to his core. He enjoyed break, but he was excited about going back. I think that is a good indicator of right choice.
Sounds a bit like my guy mom2aphysicsgeek - can I ask where he is studying? We are also of the mindset that it is preferable to be in the top half of the class.
