Big vs. small, single gender vs. coed - Has anyone else struggled to choose?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

I’ve been lurking for many months now, and have successfully helped our D navigate through the application process with minimal oops-moments. She is now down to the final two. She has Revisit days coming up and we want to make sure we’re looking at the right things and asking the right questions.

I have searched and read every post on both of these schools. They are both great options, with a lot to offer D. But my question isn’t actually about the schools themselves; it’s about how to make a decision between two schools that literally don’t have any commonality other than BS.

We are lucky to live in an area with a handful of independent schools in reasonable driving distance - both BS and Day. D started advocating to attend a very-well-known local BS in 7th grade - for all the right reasons (wanting more academic rigor, wanting more balance with arts and athletics, wanting to be with peers who care about school). Once we started the process, we realized there were other great schools in our area, and we visited with very open minds. We found a lot of schools with good “fit” (maybe “fit” is partially influenced by geographical location?). But, as we are looking as a Day family, all the schools are quite different, and not all in the same “category”, and we’re a bit lost as to how we make a decision.

For most of the folks on this board, it seems that you essentially end up making a choice between similar schools - at least on paper. Maybe similar size, similar SSAT scores, similar SAT scores, similar gender option, similar arts programs, similar athletic teams, similar vibe, etc. And then, it’s all about gut feel - the Revisit days are the time to soak in atmosphere and carefully observe interactions.

For us, the differences are significant - single gender vs. coed, small school vs. large, different arts programs, different sports options. Both are comparable driving distance. Both have academic rigor. Both will be comparable cost (FA has equalized the difference). Both are schools where D feels fully welcome and at home.

There are SOME differences, but they cancel each other out. For example, one school seems to be more humanities focused, but that is the school that actually requires MORE science/math credit to graduate. There are tradeoffs in arts and athletics as well - neither has “everything”, but both are miles better than her local HS.

So, what advice can you offer to help us make a final decision? Obviously, fit may very well be the deciding factor once the Revisit days are over. Do you have any strategies or visualization tools or a list of probing questions to help us help D to arrive at a decision that won’t leave her forever wondering “but what if”?

2

Hi! So I’m not exactly the most experienced in this but I’m choosing some schools too and even though I’m not going through the thought process you guys are having I do have some tips if they help at all!
Talk her through it, what does she want to focus more on in the future? Maybe she’s really good at lacrosse and that school has a great lacrosse team. You might have to be willing to give up one thing for something that she really likes or excels in.

3

I think that revisit days should hopefully bring some more clarity and give you a better understanding of each individual program. Most websites look the same and when you’re interviewing and touring, schools can blend together a bit over time.

Have your daughter ask herself this questions: Where can I see myself? At the end of the day, what school would I regret not attending?

Also, think about commute times to the school. As a day student, you will still be spending a lot of time at school, but it’s a good thing to think about. At the end of a 12 hour day at school, would I rather have a 20 minute drive home or a hour and half drive home? Also, you might be making some early morning and late night commutes so that’s another thing to consider on your end. There will be plays, dances, games, activities on weekends, etc.

Best of luck and keep us updated!

4

I know big vs small & secluded vs in-town meant a lot to DS. I can’t comment about same gender vs co-ed…he was not looked at co-ed. His main hang ups were the size of the school,and how secluded the campus was from surrounding areas.

5

Thanks for your perspectives! @missinghome21 I wish it were so easy! Her major interests were the instigator for the school search, and also the first “cut” in the admission process - in fact, it’s why the LPS is not a good HS for her. Both schools offer what she wants, though in different ways (different size plays a role here, but not enough to rule one out).

@cababe97 - You’re right, of course. Revisit days will probably bring clarity. The thing is, she can see herself in both places. Maybe we need to recommend a projection - can she see herself Junior year - college apps, prom, etc.? Even driving distance isn’t a decision helper - they’re comparable and better than what we do for after-school activities now!

@buuzn03 - We did rule out one acceptance based on it’s rank on the seclusion scale. That was actually an easy decision. Had it been her only acceptance, it would have been a great choice, but with other, more preferable, types of locations available through other acceptances, we were able to whittle the list down.

I found a couple older threads with food for thought:
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1434118-i-dont-know-how-fit-works-really-p1.html

http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/2062990-how-to-choose-the-best-boarding-school-for-you.html#latest

And I found one more (lost the link!) that had a great weighted average suggestion - make a list of 20 items important to [student or parent], select the top 5 and double-weight those. Then rank each of the 20 and add up the totals. I went through the exercise, and found my rankings to be 86 and 88. So these schools really are difficult to choose between! I plan to have D do the same thing, but choosing her top 20. I also included the LPS as a control point, and as expected, it did not rank as well, though it wasn’t as far behind as I thought it would be. An interesting exercise!

We’re working hard on our question lists, and reaching out to other Day students in the area too.

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@OnToTheNext - one thing you may consider or at least check out if needed down the road … some of the Girls schools provide very generous awards - other than FA- special awards for art, Dance, science research, etc… if you want more info PM me. Some have travel-study stipends. Also, the Girls schools have very strong alumnae networks.

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@OnToTheNext this may or may not apply for Thenextkid, but for athletes, many advise to use the broken leg rule of thumb…meaning, if you were to break your leg and not be able to participate in X sport, would you still be happy at that school for the rest of your BS time? It can apply to other areas, also.

8

Kids go through a lot of challenges. At an all girls school, at least they don’t have to worry about boys’ wanted or unwanted attentions. I was a bit skeptical about that idea before. But after my daughter’s nearly two years at an all girls school, I think it was a great decision. Other than that, and affordability, I think either - small or large, secluded or in-town, higher sat or lower etc. - probably could have worked well for us. It’s more of what you make out of the available opportunities. Grier’s strongest ECs include its renowned dance program with teachers from Broadway, while my kid’s specialty was, well, sculpting. After one and a half year, she is in its dance program! I don’t think I would have been happier if she was sculpting instead.

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With both schools being so evenly matched in terms of pro/cons, at least you can be confident in whichever school she is most comfortable at after her revisit days. Just think, it would be a whole lot worse if you felt one didn’t measure up and that’s the one she picked. While I like your list of important items approach, maybe she should wait until after revisit days to make her list, let alone complete it. There are so many things you don’t think are important until you see or experience them. As you know they measure up academically and in terms of ECs, she might find totally different things she finds important after her visit.

10

So, you were all correct, and Revisits really do paint a picture that no website, marketing materials, internet intel, or school parent phone call can duplicate.

Revisit #1 (small school) was phenomenal - we all were just so impressed by the academic standard, the school spirit, the friendliness, the ability (and inclination) of the school to “make it happen” - whatever “it” happened to be for any student. Got lots of answers to questions, had a lot of exposure to various faculty and students. Definitely a dog-and-pony show, but genuine and welcoming too. We were happy but exhausted by the end of the day.

Revisit #2 (large school) wasn’t like revisiting at all. We all - Nextkid on her track, parents on ours - felt like we were going through an orientation on a done deal. Campus was comfy and familiar, LOTS of staff & students remembered our faces and greeted us as though we were always on campus, and many conversations felt like we were just picking up where we left off last time. We found we connected with other parents incredibly easily. Instead of being “impressed”, we felt integrated into an impressive place. The last activity of the day, we walked into the room to see Nextkid sitting with a pack of new friends - smiling, laughing new friends (not “uncomfortably sitting next to the kid I followed all day psuedofriend”). That evening, we were all just happy - not exhausted, despite considerable walking.

It was a bit surreal - like we had merged into another dimension where she was already a student there. And when the school feeds your energy back to you, well, that’s definitely a great environment for a motivated student!

I know Revisit days don’t typically look like this, and if you’re reading this someday in the future, please don’t expect this kind of emotional connection. We are happy it happened, as it resolved the path we need to take.

Thanks to all of you for your ideas and sage advice to just wait for Revisits. Now I’m off to admire my bank account one last time before I hit the “accept” button…

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Yea!!! @OnToTheNext that’s so awesome! And such a bittersweet moment, knowing you’ve found the right place for DK, but your heart (& finances) are going there with them. Congrats!!