I’m currently deciding between schools and I can’t decide which would be better to help me come out of my shell. I don’t talk much in classes and don’t really open up to people outside a close group of friends. However, I would like to change that and get more involved. Would a small school with a population of 6000 with a very subdued social life in terms of parties and events or a large school of 30k+ with an active social situation be better?
On one hand, small schools basically require you to interact with people but a bigger school is more diverse and parties and events are good ways to meet people and be more social.
6000 isn’t really small. Small is an LAC (2500 or less), in my opinion. I am not sure you will have a very different experience between 6000 and 30000. Either way, you CAN skate by without being well known by other students and professors. At a truly small school, you can’t really do that. My introverted kid has done well at a small LAC. She has friends, goes to professor office hours, has a research advisor and mentor. I suspect at a big schools she would have slid under the radar and not gotten as much out of it.
For the schools you described, if the small school is more of a commuter school (that may be why the social life is subdued, everyone goes home), then maybe the bigger school is a better choice.
also adding to my post, I don’t wanna miss out on the social culture that goes on with football games and everything and the smaller college only has a D3 team while the big college has a well-ranked football team
^^^then go with the big college.
DS who is also introverted, thrived at a BIG U, and was able to find lots of other kids who became friends simply because there were a lot of other students there, all looking for new connections.
If he had gone to a smaller college it might have been harder to find friends.
I went to a school of 50,000 my freshman year. I was in a fraternity and had a great time, but couldn’t deal with the huge class sizes and impersonal feel of the campus. My academics really suffered. I transferred out after one year to a school of 3000. It was much easier for me to connect with people at the smaller school.
With a small school, you’re around the same group of people all the time - in class, at parties, around the campus. So it’s inevitable that you get to know many of them well. At the larger school you crossed paths with more people, but they were always coming and going so it was more difficult to get to know them.
As for getting involved in things like class discussions, it’s much easier to do that in a class of 20-30 than in a class of 200-300 or more.
My D sounds a lot like you. She had a limit of no more than 6k students and ultimately decided that she wants to attend small LACs with small classes. She feels it will be easier to get to know people at small colleges, and that she will have to talk to professors and students regularly if she is at a small school. I have heard that sometimes small classes can feel too “in your face” so that is worth considering too. Look carefully at the colleges you are considering, and read student reviews to get an idea of what kids are like at a given college. Niche is an excellent site for doing that, s is Uni go. Being swallowed up in the anonymity of a big lecture hall will not help you come out of your shell. Good luck, I know it is hard for a quiet person to put yourself out there.
My opinion is that it really depends on the introvert. Both of my kids are introverts but their personalities are very different. My older one would probably do better at a smaller school (likely she will end up at a big school with an honors program though for merit and major opportunities). My younger one will probably do best at a huge university. The difference between them is that one is a people pleaser with her heart on her sleeve who thrives with personal attention. The other likes to hang back until she is ready to take charge in developing relationships, hates forced friendliness and doesn’t respond well at all to someone trying to drag her out of her shell.
As a compromise, you might look for a university with a residential honors program (U Mass Amherst, Barrett Honors at ASU, Honors Tutorial program at Ohio U, etc). That would give you the sports and school spirit that you want as well as an opportunity for smaller classes, structured community, and more focused attention from professors - a smaller school within a larger school effect.
We wish you the best of luck - and hope that you find your group wherever you are.
my daughter is quite introverted as well; we’ve discussed all of the pros/cons of small/big. She chose a small school because she loved the overnight stay there, the friendliness of the professors, and the co-cohesiveness of the dorms and students. We’ve had a lot of encouragement from family who’ve gone to smaller schools to give them a try. If she had gone to the large school; she’d have been in the marching band and honors program to find her “tribe.”
One of my son’s sounds similar to you, perhaps, in that he was a reluctant participant in class in high school. He was never the kid who had his hand up quickly, but was more likely to be listening while looking out the window. He didn’t like to participate just for the sake of saying something, he’d wait until he had something he thought was truly meaningful. Outside of class, he can be very outgoing, but can also like to stand back and observe.
He visited smaller schools (truly small, 2000 kids, not 6000) and was not comfortable with the small class size and emphasis on faculty getting to know you. He wanted to be more in control of when he had to be active. Also, he wanted the opportunity to “graze” socially, to move across and among different groups, rather than see the same kids all around campus. He chose a public flagship (30,000 undergrads), and has thrived. He appreciates the anonymity of the large lecture hall, and at the same time, he enjoys smaller seminars which he chooses, and has taken Honors classes where discussion sections are led by the professor, again, small classes that he chooses. He appreciates the control he has to determine the kind of environment for each class, as well as the ability to get to know all kinds of kids, from all kinds of activities around campus.
Trust your judgment – as his parents, we were convinced a small environment was right for him, but he knew where he felt at home, and we were wrong (words that don’t come easily as parents!). Good luck in your decision.
Whatever choice you make, please be ready to get out of your comfort zone in your first 3 weeks on campus. This is the open window of time when freshmen are willing to engage in random conversations. Everyone is a bit nervous, more open to an invitation to head to the dining hall together, or to make a donut run at midnight. Keep your dorm room open as much as you can to allow folks to stick their heads in and say hi. Share your snacks or homemade cookies with others.
As an introvert myself, I know that it can be exhausting to be so vulnerable for such a long period. But remind yourself it is a short window of time, and you will be glad you made the extra effort to meet people.
I have heard multiple comments from students on this forum to exchange phone numbers the very first time you meet someone, that texting to get a group of people together is the easiest form of communication.
Commit to attending a club meeting at least 3 times before deciding whether you like it or not. And commit to attending at least 3 different clubs to give you options. If someone hollers out on your dorm floor “heading to Waffle House, anyone want to come?” don’t second guess yourself. Just go. You will learn more about the surrounding area, and you will gain some confidence in interacting with others.
The folks you hang out with those first few weeks may or may not become your real friends, and that’s okay too. Just keep an open mind. My D didn’t find her “best friend” at college until end of her sophomore year. She had friends and acquaintances, and did lots of activities, but her best friend showed up the following year on campus, and they slowly became good friends throughout that year.
If you search this forum, you will find multiple threads from lonely college students with no friends. For us parents on this forum, it breaks our hearts to know so many students are sitting alone in their dorm rooms, eating alone in their dining hall, and not talking to anyone all week So don’t be one of those people!! Make good choices, put yourself out there, and keep looking if the first set of people you connect with turn out to not be the best fit for you.
You are getting good advice here to consider as you mull over your choices. Good luck!
It is a personal choice. My S was very quiet. We looked at one large school and we all knew it was not right for him. We then visited a LAC (which is what I initially thought might be best) but he felt that the LACs were just too small – he was concerned that people would be too on top of each other. But he was immediately comfortable with mid-sized universities which had small classes – for him it was small enough to feel comfortable getting involved but he also had the space to retreat a bit now and again if he chose to.
Ironically my much more outgoing D is at a LAC (and it is perfect for her) so you never know. Bottom line is do what feels right to you.