I’m curious about the BS culture surrounding rules. On some of the school websites the rules/regulations are minutely detailed (for example, Middlesex details a specific time for day students to leave campus) yet other schools have much less defined rules. In other people’s experience, how stringent/lax are the various BS about enforcing rules.
For clarification - I’m talking about rules related to campus arrival/departure for breaks, dress code, use of cars, etc. Not things like the use of drugs or cheating (although that information would also be helpful.)
Thanks for your concern … However, one of the main things that appealed to me when I applied to MX was its small size… I have schooled in small and large schools and I think it really depends on personal preference (Additionally AtriaDad attended a large BS and my aunts attended a smaller one- and their experience influenced my decision as well)…As for diversity (which due to my own extensive travel exposure wasn’t a stringent requirement for BS) I thought MX was fairly diverse (esp considering its small size)?
Minor infractions are usually dealt with with small room restrictions. As you get more infractions the penalty will go up and can get steep. Example, being late to class or late to check in will be a room restriction or weekend room restriction…the weekday ones arent bad cause u are mostly in your room at night anyway. My brother who goes to Andover tells me it gets more lax over time…start the year strong and gradually weaken (though he got a letter to our parents about skipping too many classes, i think the limit is 6 per semester). For more serious stuff, like cheating or drugs, each school is different…some like Hotchkiss arent very tolerant and some are. Cheating can be the worse and you can get expelled almost immediately in most schools.
I would definitely make sure you know if the school is a first strike school or not. I’m not a fan of first strike schools for teenagers absent a handful of serious infractions that put others in danger.
Yup, that’s what I mean - first strike, you’re out. Sorry, I should have explained better. I just feel that teens are known to make mistakes and can learn from them. I also feel that if penalties are too harsh, they are less likely to be reported by fellow students or teachers in order to provide that student with guidance. I think it’s easy for a lot of students ages 13, 14, 15 and their parents to think they would NEVER engage in such behavior but a lot can change. Teens are known for testing boundaries and experimenting after all. Nothing new.
Hotchkiss is one and out for mostly drugs and cheating not minor stuff. I know more kids thrown out of Andover and Deerfield than Hotchkiss so not sure how strong they police it. There are lots of exceptions
I have a different view of the Hotchkiss one strike policy. Because the penalties are harsh, its easier for students to resist peer pressure in terms of drugs and alcohol. Everyone knows about the policy, it is enforced consistently. However, they also have a rule that allows students to bring inebriated friends to the health center and neither student will be penalized. In addition, many of the faculty will go out of their way to try to get students help without invoking the one strike consequences.
PS. In regards to another thread where people may have inferred my comments to be about Hotchkiss, please know that I have experience with several boarding schools.
A lot of exceptions is a mistake to me. Have rules, graduated rules with increasing penalties, and then enforce them, IMO.
So, if a student happens to be unlucky enough to get caught by a strict, by the rules faculty member, they are screwed. The helpful, less by the rules faculty member, and the student gets a break? Doesn’t sound fair to me.
Regardless of one’s own opinion on such matters, just make sure you know how things work at your chosen school and that you are comfortable with it. Sometimes that will vary from the written rules as some of the posts here seem to indicate.
It will depend upon the school, and to a lesser extent, the age of the student.
I will say that at any school that says no cars for boarders (which is most, if not all), there is no deviation from the rules. I would also say that most schools will give little to no leeway on the rules related to student safety (what cars they can ride in, when they can be off campus, modes of transportation into town, etc.) So you break the rule, you deal with the disciplinary action. For smaller offenses like dress code violation, the student might slide once or twice, but continued violation will certainly be dealt with.
Rules enforcement is always at the discretion of the faculty or staff member who witnesses the infraction. It might not be fair, but that’s racing. If your school has many small houses with long-standing faculty in residence, those dorms often acquire certain reputations based on the likelihood of being nailed for certain major offenses. That’s also human nature. Get certain faculty to be honest, and you will find that many have their own personal ideas about what is improper conduct worthy of major discipline. Opinions will vary. Don’t necessarily expect that honesty with students or prospective students present. What you want from any school is as much consistency as possible in the enforcement of the stated disciplinary policies. What you will never get is 100% perfect fairness of enforcement. That’s the reality your kids will need to deal with. The best bet is to not test their luck on an ongoing basis.
This was one of my top parental concerns. Not that I think all teens deliberately try to misbehave but that it is normal and timely to test boundaries. Also, I think kids should get increasing privilege and responsibilities as they get older–otherwise it would be a tough transition to college. From a kid’s perspective, consistent enforcement of rules will increase by the rules behavior. However, sometimes, a teen may make a mistake. As a parent, I prefer zero-tolerance or one-strike schools. But as a teen, you may want to consider how the schools decide (who get to decide that your expelled, faculty that knows you or ones that don’t), if they decide to keep the student after a mistake, what does the school do about it? (For example, if a kid gets caught drunk, will there be any substance abuse counseling or education with something that shows the kid learned something?) Do they consider age? Other behavior of the kid? These comments might trigger some people, but I think that understanding of the rules is not even across the board. That being said, if you don’t like those kind of exceptions, or is a kid who prefers other strict rule-followers, then that might factor into your decision-making.
Another concern, I live across the country. I’m a parent who will drop everything and do everything to advocate for my kids. (Not always to baby them, BTW. I’ve gotten annoyed because I didn’t think the faculty were strict enough.) That won’t be so easy anymore now that both kids will be in East coast. The question for me was “Will a faculty member, advisor, etc be my substitute if the need arises?” If it’s an expulsion or even an infraction that the colleges will see in your file, you want an adult advocate, that’s pretty serious, IMO. I agree with @Gnairwhail, each adult is individual in this respect–that each person will have a different opinion in what should be an infraction. And that 100% fairness doesn’t exist.
@DonFefe Agree with look at kids’ faces. Especially at non-programmed times. That is the current students aren’t being paraded around. Example of kids looking inconvenienced to move out of the way is great. Whe we toured, I asked to see if we could see the kids in-between class times while they are changing classes. Unguarded moments.
I dont agree that super structure always mean that the kids won’t like it. We toured two schools for my dyslexic kid. My husband and I noted that at the super-structured school that the kids there during the unguarded moments seemed genuinely happy. We also watched the rapport amongst the kids and kids and faculty. And it seemed easier and less contrived than at the more rules-progressive school. I think that the reason why the strict school seems to work is that it has a smaller student-to-faculty ration, overall small student body. There seems to be a genuine interest to get to know each kid. I don’t think that specialty schools do this better than non-specialty schools.
We also toured 8 of the top 30 schools. The quality of happiness seemed different at each school. I wanted to see kids who were happy to be at their school because that’s what I think my kid needs. Some stood out over others. It’s all dependent on your kid’s preference. This board confirmed some of what I observed.
… However, one of the main things that appealed to me when I applied to MX was its small size… I have schooled in small and large schools and I think it really depends on personal preference (Additionally AtriaDad attended a large BS and my aunts attended a smaller one- and their experience influenced my decision as well)…As for diversity (which due to my own extensive travel exposure wasn’t a stringent requirement for BS) I thought MX was fairly diverse (esp considering its small size)?