Yes this in undoubtedly true. But kids in non boarding situations spend more time at home with family/friends/community after school and on weekends giving their loved ones more opportunity to know what is going on with them and what support they need. Kids learn their morals from what they experience around them, and from the NYTimes article (which I hope is fair game to discuss in this thread) it seems clear that LVille admin did not prioritize the wellbeing of this student. The article details several junctures at which the school made terrible errors in their handling of the situation and as part of their settlement - ie not voluntarily - they are now sharing this with the world.
4 Likes
Exactly, TonyGrace.
A clear failure of leadership. If this doesn’t call for an immediate change of leadership then what on earth does?
This is truly horrific, and sadly happening at many schools all over the country, BS, Private and Public. Nothing can bring back a child, but hopefully good can come from this informing schools, parents and peers to become better educated and put these issues at the forefront. I was surprised at how many stories on the same subject in the same week popped up with the article. Exeter and several (?)at Harvard Westlake join this tragic recent list, but this is happening all over our country. I hope by lville taking accountability where they failed even if due to settlement terms (more schools need to do this), by bringing on a wellness counselor, instituting the all campus wellness programs that already started this year (that seem thoughtful and well received) as well as a detailed list of practices and efforts being put into place (see website) helps take a tragedy and brings real change that all schools can benefit from as this incident will hopefully keep them accountable to be a change agent. Social media is also playing a huge role in our children’s mental health with children tethered to their phones. Phones do not belong in academic buildings. Schools like St. Andrew’s are paving the way making parts of campus cell phone free-zones having children more present in their communities and off the screen. More education of the harms of social media, limiting access and devices to this vulnerable age group is also critical. I am amazed at how many young children are getting phones and parents are allowing, even encouraging their children to partake in social media. And of course we need to foster no bully zones, teaching children young and continuously educating them. This issue is not a new one, but social media has made it so heightened. I personally cannot imagine being a child in today’s world. I believe anyone can call for a witch hunt, but the true strength will come when we all collectively see the many systemic issues and use the tragedy to see the cracks and build a stronger foundation for our future.
4 Likes
Good grief the situation in the NYT article is atrocious, and should have been addressed before 25th paragraph of the story.
They expelled the bully. And handled his last day poorly.
They also investigated the false claim. Had it had truth to it and had they not followed up, there would be a different problem.
My heart breaks for the family. This is the kind of event I find unimaginable-- because even imagining it is so distressing. I also wonder, because this student seemed to be so well-adjusted and popular, whether the extent of his misery wasn’t fully known to or appreciated by others. I hope that the actions since taken, at the request of the family, are more than a balm to their pain and truly advance how we listen to and address young people who are suffering.
9 Likes
The headmaster at Lville is pretty tone deaf. I’ve had a similar experience when my son was a student there.
This is an all-around unfortunate situation. The student should not have been bullied, period. It looks like the administration didn’t address the bullying, and kept hush about rumors being spread.
My son lived in the same house (Dickinson) and so I know those housemasters well. They both have high integrity, and I’m surprised they didn’t react. The housemasters were in regular contact with me whenever they had concerns. I got to know them well through the house feeds. Such an unfortunate situation.
8 Likes
“School administrators did not notify or check on Jack…”
The expelled boy was allowed a long drawn-out goodbye amongst his friends during which disparaging remarks were made about Jack.
This is a failure of leadership, and yes it’s also part of a staggering problem that our children and teens, all across the US, are facing.
Kids need to see these adults held accountable for their poor decisions.
In too many tragic situations, it is difficult or impossible to know what leads to a decision like the one Jack made. Not in this case.
6 Likes
I was just stating what I got (per the schools statement?) from the article. They also make it clear that the expulsion was due to an unrelated incident.
3 Likes
I believe the expelled bully was a girl, the person who made the false accusation of sexual assault. No doubt a difficult situation.
1 Like
No, he is referred to specifically in the article as a boy. According to the article he was investigated and disciplined for bullying, the rape charges were found to be unsubstantiated, but this was not properly communicated to Jack, his family, or the student body. Then the boy was later expelled for a separate unrelated violation.
All this notwithstanding, “boy” also means he was/is a minor, and again, the responsibility here is with the adults.
Well said. “It requires an enormous amount of trust and faith and frankly in this crazy and divided world, it seems to be a very poor choice to make…” I have to agree some boarding schools are doing what they promised but most of other school failed in this way.
My kid transferred out from a BS in CT, he is much happier at a day school.
2 Likes
The article says that the second boy was “involved in the bullying.” He was “formally disciplined for bullying Jack,” and later expelled for a different infraction.
The article doesn’t say whether any other students were disciplined in relation to the false accusations. It also uses the phrase “sexual assault allegation,” in one instance, but “rumors” elsewhere.
Was there was a specific allegation made? According to the article, the school’s investigation showed that “the rumors involving a sexual assault were utterly false”. If a student made one, but later recanted, was this information kept secret from the community?
No matter what the situation, it’s hard to imagine that the administration thought that discipline for “bullying” would make false allegations of a crime go away. Was the school’s investigation undertaken with the understanding that unless Jack was guilty, no action would be taken? Didn’t those who carried out this investigation want to talk to Jack and his parents after clearing him of any wrong? Why didn’t Jack’s parents ask about the results of this investigation which happened “early on”? Does falsely accusing someone of a crime count as “bullying?”
The secret Santa exchange is haunting me. If my kid came home at Christmas and told me that, he would not be going back to that environment.
10 Likes
I think the fact that Jack has a clinical psychologist as a parent may be what has propelled this case into the national news and I am grateful to the Reid family for taking this route and pushing for reform. Most parents and teachers/admin are doing their absolute best to be there for our kids, but errors do happen and sometimes they are a result of systemic issues within a school culture, as in this case.
10 Likes
And in fairness, one never knows what home issues may have played a factor in the event.
1 Like
What always bothers me about these cases is the lack of accountability on the part of the students. It seems only one student was expelled. How is this possible? This was a year long bullying campaign that involved more than one student. IMO, those who are involved on the fringe and support the bullying should also be held accountable.
9 Likes
From what I understand, there was no formal allegation made in regards to sexual assault, bcs whatever happened between Jack and this girl was consensual (which is why the school found no truth to the rumors). After the “hookup” (a term that probably isn’t used anymore), students began spreading a rumor that Jack had raped her and continued to perpetuate that rumor.
1 Like
Please note that the second student was NOT expelled due to the bullying. He received a major school rule violation for the bullying and then violated another school rule, which led to expulsion.
2 Likes
Just to clarify, Lawrenceville has a two-strike system.
We are having an all-school meeting after classes today.
6 Likes
And hopefully, during this meeting, it will be announced that multiple administrators, including the headmaster, have been fired and that an independent body will commence an intense investigation of the students to see who spread the rumors, with expulsion for any who did.
8 Likes
My condolences to you in the Lawrenceville community. I hope that the school’s current students and families will cause an enormous uproar over this report at todays meeting and demand a resignation from the headmaster and any other authority figures who failed to act in the students’ best interest.
Suicide is such a difficult and complex topic, so sensitive, but it must be discussed openly and honestly. Whether or not other students should have been held accountable in this case is again a matter of responsibility for the school administration.
Demand better, your (our) children deserve it.
7 Likes