<p>I heard a student committed suicide at a BS in northeast Massachusetts area. The parents had no idea anything was wrong.</p>
<p>I know teen suicides don't just happen at BS, but with kids away from home for long periods of time, sometimes it is impossible for parents to know if their S or D is having any difficulties.</p>
<p>Please talk to your kids.</p>
<p>Your information is not entirely accurate. The student was at home when the tragedy occurred and the father was very much aware that something was wrong. I completely agree with the sentiment of your message and feel strongly that communication is key in preventing more tragedy but I simply want to clarify some facts.</p>
<p>Then maybe we are referring to separate incidents. I heard a classmate found the student in his/her dorm room. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I agree, us parents just need to talk to our kids.</p>
<p>Any time when a suicide case happens in a boarding school, it always causes HUGE sensations, as it should. Can you tell us what school this was? The news should become public sooner or later anyway.</p>
<p>My gut says “don’t name” the school. By identifying the school, we, as parents, can exhale and think that the problem is somewhere else. I have no idea where these kid(s?) went to school, but I know many schools are just now finishing up exams, and yes, the pressure on the kids can be intense. At every school.</p>
<p>Also, if I knew of a suicide at a school, I would not mention it. I think it does a disservice to the school because we, as outsiders, will really never fully know what drove a child to suicide. And for many parents, (and kids) reading these boards, a good school could be taken off a list of potential choices.</p>
<p>zp</p>
<p>^^Makes sense, and is out of legitimate concerns. But, if we look back, just how often does a student suicide occur on school properties among the schools we often discuss here? If it’s such a rare occurence, shouldn’t the school be looked into a little more closely? After all, this is “prep school parents” board, not the “prep school administration/admissions office” board.</p>
<p>hasta,
I hadn’t heard anything like that in recent years. I hope that there was only one tragedy this fall involving bs and a young person losing their life.</p>
<p>DAndrew, student deaths are so rare, one can’t draw any conclusions from them–neither about the school, nor the family. I agree with zuzu’spetals. At such times, we don’t know enough to make any judgements. Shouldn’t we choose kindness over blame? The friends and family may know more, but unfounded suppositions don’t soothe their pain. At its worst, spreading rumors about a child’s family or school only increases the hurt, to no good end.</p>
<p>This is the “prep school parents” board, but we have frequent student visitors. The children are watching. For what it’s worth, we have told all our children, “Never despair. Never give up hope. You are loved.”</p>
<p>I still think that to let the public be informed of the details (as much as possible) of an incident like this is not too much to ask. We wouldn’t necessarily “make any judgements” on the school or the family, and “spreading rumors” is something totally irrelevant. I hope someone would pass the link here once the incident is covered by the media. It may just be me, but I certainly want to know more about the incident. To better understand the context of it helps parents “talk to kids about suicide” as OP suggested.</p>
<p>Often times, it will not be covered by the media. A search of the obit will simply say the person died “suddenly” or “unexpectedly”.
I strongly disagree that the public should be informed. I think the parents deserve more dignity than that. It is human nature to want to know what happened, but I don’t think it is helpful.
zp</p>
<p>The name of the school is irrelevant. This type of incident can happen at any school. It is not a reflection on the school whatsoever IMHO. I think it underscores the pressure that BS students can often be under, whether it be from the student themselves, parents, peers, life, or whatever. Sometimes I don’t think people realize how stressful life at a BS can be. Don’t be fooled by the lack of publicity of these types of situations.</p>
<p>Yes, there was a guy from SC, in his Sr. year, who hung himself in his dorm and his roommate found him. It happened in Dec. two yrs ago. The school was an all boys school in NY. No one knew anything was wrong, friends, family and faculty. His parents have set out to educate parents and students about suicide.
It is true that schools will try to make these kinds of unfortunate events go away asap.</p>
<p>[After</a> Groton School student accused of bullying commits suicide, father says school overreacted to bullying allegation | masslive.com](<a href=“http://www.masslive.com/bullying/index.ssf/2010/11/groton_school_student_accused_of_bullying_commits_suicide_fa.html]After”>After Groton School student accused of bullying commits suicide, father says school overreacted to bullying allegation - masslive.com)</p>
<p>The Groton School incident is a different incident than the one I am talking about.</p>
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<p>DAndrew.
I disagree. How will you know the media or someone post the detail is truly reflect the fact or just one side story. This incident could be happened on any school. Please respect to the family/school suffered this tragedy and students who live in that BS school now.</p>
<p>Yes, This is public discuss forum but we don’t have gossip/judge the school as we are all outsider of this incident at this moment.</p>
<p>I think OP want parents talk to their kids about suicide but the detail of this incident. If you really want to know more about this incident. You can search media yourself once it come out.</p>
<p>OK (10 char)</p>
<p>Who has talked to their kid about suicide after seeing this thread? What did you say?</p>
<p>I talked to mine after the first Groton incident. We talked about doing one’s best, but remembering to keep it all in perspective. We try not to pressure her. We’ll be happy if she does her best and graduates. She has related that a lot of kids feel pressured to do well by their parents. Of course I want her to do well, but I’d much rather have her doing it for herself than to please us. We make sure to tell her we love her no matter what. And to reach out to someone if she starts feeling overwhelmed. So far, so good. She seems to be doing well, getting sleep, has friends, well-adjusted, etc. </p>
<p>I suppose I should talk to her also about reaching out to an adult on behalf of others should she become concerned about any of her classmates.</p>
<p>Long before this rash of student bullying and suicides, I had many conversations with my d and sometimes with her friends. I have always believed in many conversation-thus a dialogue that we as parents revisit on a regular basis. </p>
<p>Yes we did have this conversation and I explained to my d that she needs to be herself and watch out for others. </p>
<p>My d has been very different in many ways since she was very young. I have taught her to be tough and embrace her differences, but to come to the aid of someone not so strong.</p>
<p>A favorite quote in our home is:</p>
<p>“Bad things happen, when good people do nothing”.</p>
<p>When I was at Exeter, I seem to remember one attempt that succeeded and several that didn’t. In almost every case the problem was related to extreme family pressure at home and a failure to live up to almost unrealistic expectations. One student was caught trying to change their B’s into A’s on a grade card (no computers back then).</p>
<p>I’m talking with my D and some of her friends at other schools and I’m saddened to know that many of the circumstances that existed then, still exist:</p>
<ol>
<li>children who feel “thrown away” by their parents</li>
<li>children living with warring divorced parents and feeling like political footballs.</li>
<li>legacies who weren’t given a choice on which school to attend.</li>
<li>children who “act out” in an attempt to get kicked out and family pressure keeps them locked in place.</li>
<li>students who are having their first “intimate” experiences without guidance or support systems (especially if the act is followed by a break-up).</li>
</ol>
<p>Some observations:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>some (not all) parents post in a way that suggest they (not the student) are driving the process to get their children in a BS. Many talk about being rejected from “their” preferred school, frame arguments in terms of IVY acceptance (regardless of what the student wants) and in one case talked about “return on investment.”</p></li>
<li><p>Not all students should be in a BS environment. Its a means, but not the be-all-end-all. Going to a BS means partially severing existing relationships at a critical juncture and having to rebuild them from scratch in a different environment. It often means less than stellar grades when the student is used to straight A’s. It means lack of sleep, and a relentless pace. Some thrive and/or grow, others stumble under the pressure.</p></li>
<li><p>Popular (elite) colleges are not the only goal. One girl on the CC boards needed help when her father insisted she drop humanities (at Exeter of all places) and double up on AP sciences to get into a “good school.” Sigh. She’d have to be delivered there in an ambulance at the pace he was demanding. A student at my daughter’s school was yelled at (by a parent) for getting a 90 on her first test.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I wish parents would give their children a safety valve and allow them (if BS is in the cards) to go to the school that fits them and will nurture them where they are - not where they need to be.</p>
<p>I wish parents would help students understand that “failure” is part of every process and success is not achieved without trial and error and a few battle scars.</p>
<p>I wish parents would let their children come home, if it’s a better option – but vehemently advocate for them if the school has not addressed bullying and pressure.</p>
<p>I wish students were prepared better for life’s challenges before being thrust into the pressure cookers… But wishing is not reality. </p>
<p>These kids are in their adolescence - and won’t fully develop brain capacity and maturity until 26. Maybe we should remember they are still kids. And none of us would want to repeat the horrors that High school visits on children – the cliques, the hormones, the cascades of emotions, the pressure to fit in and meet expectation but their own.</p>
<p>I remember once Exeter sent a letter to alumni asking them not to send their children if the student wasn’t ready or didn’t want to be there. That said it all.</p>
<p>Maybe this Thanksgiving we throw in a few extra hugs even as they squirm out of our arms for lack of oxygen (smile). A little extra insurance for the end of semester exams.</p>