<p>As a parent who will be having a child apply to boarding schools, what is the one thing you wish you knew going into the process?</p>
<p>To focus less on what he DOES and more on who he IS when thinking about what school would suit him best. Put another way, to focus more on whether the school seemed like a place where he could put down roots and grow–and to trust the “feel” more than what was on paper. All of the schools are so attractive in their own way… it’s hard, at first, to get the sense of what a good fit is really all about. </p>
<p>And I’m not sure if that would have made any sense to me at all last year! So put more concretely: you can’t look at too many websites/viewbooks. Explore every option, no matter how farfetched it seems. Have fun and when he/she says, “That sounds like a school for me,” visit, even if the school seems like the antithesis of what you’d imagined the perfect school to be.</p>
<p>That there are dozens of GREAT schools besides the top tier that would love to have my kid. We figured that out for child #2. :)</p>
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<p>perfect! :)</p>
<p>To remember that no matter how “great” you think your child is, 99% of the other applicants are just as “great”. The key is finding a school where your child is in that 1% for their school.</p>
<p>And that is really hard!</p>
<p>I would look at schools where I would think, oh my child will get in there no problem, he/she would be at the top of the class academically/athletically. And still you have to go and visit and get a feel for the school, beyond the viewbook and the website. And even after all that, your child might not get accepted!</p>
<p>My husband says-</p>
<p>It always costs more than you think!</p>
<p>The inconvinience and challenges of living 3+ hours away from the school.</p>
<p>The one thing that I wish I knew about BS’s before I began the BS app process was “what is the true range of probability of acceptance of my child by each BS?” For example, often I read that the accpetance rates at a certain school was around 20%. The problem with that number, as I learned over time, trial, money and tears invested, was that it wasn’t a true number at all, at least for my son. The true number for him, who had no hooks and wasn’t applying as a freshman, was closer to 2%. </p>
<p>So, how does a parent dig out the “true acceptacne number” of a BS for his/her child before investing in the app process for that BS? I guess he or she must do his homework on CC and other sources and then make his/her best estimate on this number, because I have never seen such number or numbers produced by a school.</p>
<p>In the end, it doesn’t benefit a BS to break down its acceptance rates for various groups by hook, grades, sex, legacy, class, etc. Because the BS won’t give you this info, I wish you luck in trying to figure this info out. I doubt that anyone can crack the code completely. Because such is difficult, if not impossible, my advise is to see as many schools as possible and apply to as many schools as possisble that you and your child like. Why? Because there is safety in numbers and you want the odds running your way, instead of against you.</p>
<p>I concur with Scotland and Toombs. My child is (locally) a top student who read many posts and was overly optimistic. We landed on our feet, so to speak, but not without some profound disappointment about how rigged the whole thing is. The acceptance rate for FAs is very low, and for legacies very high. And it’s the winners who post more here.</p>
<p>Don’t expect miracles or transformation–BS is a great option for self-motivated and driven kids who were likely to succeed anywhere but will thrive in the BS environment. Be brutally honest if your D/S falls into that category and is likely to 1) be able to bring out their best themselves; 2) requires little to no adult supervision/guidance; and 3) can handle the stress of academics and social pressures. The school will not “mold” your child into such a student. Think: are they really ready for an enviroment that is closer to college than to life at home?</p>
<p>I totally agree with baseballmom and scotland45. Funny, our kids landed at the same school. 
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<p>I don’t necessarily agree on the acceptance rate thing…you can make that argument for everyone who applies…for green haired underwater tuba players, the acceptance rate is 50% because only 4 apply and they take 2. Most schools DO accept about the same percent of 10th graders as 9th (not the same number, the same percent). Many even accept the same **percent **of juniors (not SPS who last I knew only had junior openings if a 10th grader left). Of course in any given year, there are various “things” at different schools - “over enrollment” in a previous class, and things like that. The fact is, 20% is LOW. That means 80% do not get in. And many many of them are qualified. </p>
<p>I do think wcmom has a great point in that this site can tend to get kids hopes up. Other students post “you have a great chance at XYZ school.” They don’t know. I always laugh when I read someone say they have a small chance of getting in at one of the HADES schools and a “good” chance at another. **Everyone **has a small chance at ALL of them.</p>
<p>I agree with the comments above. My son got into Exeter with FA, but I honestly don’t know why he was accepted above the hundreds of other kids who were just as qualified as he is, and we’re feeling way more lucky than cocky around here. </p>
<p>We always had other options–a boarding school we liked a lot where we were pretty certain he’d be admitted (he was) and a piecemeal but okay ps/homeschool/community college option at home. From the beginning, we thought of Exeter (and other HADES schools) as a longshot worth trying. When his visit went so well, we thought he had a better shot, but still weren’t packing his bags. </p>
<p>So, obviously, I’d say that it’s worth shooting for the moon–just not putting ALL your hopes and dreams there. </p>
<p>I also agree that bs is not for every child–can’t imagine sending my second son, for example, though I suppose that could change. This one, though, is a proverbial square peg–and we’re betting that Exeter is where he belongs.</p>
<p>What a great thread this is! Lots of hard won wisdom. We ought to start our own boarding school site - paid subscription model!</p>
<p>I would say to look at a variety of schools not just the top and apply to several “tiers” of schools. Also, think about what you or your child is looking for. People tend to lump certain schools together, but in reality they are very different. Will your child thrive in a small school or large? Rural or urban?</p>
<p>Also, if you are from lower Fairfield county, Westchester or NYC, it is harder because there are so many kids from this area that apply and they cannot take them all.</p>
<p>Yes, Linda S, everyone has a small chance to get into the top BS’s. My point exactly. The rub, IMHO, is that no one knows for sure how small that small chance really is. Linda S tends to think, I surmise, that this chance is about the rate the school announces. I maintain, however, that in most cases this chance is smaller (sometimes much smaller) than you think or at least smaller than the chance publicly announced by an elite BS. But whether or not the acceptance odds at a BS are just about the same for every child applying, the odds are not good. Therefore, plan accordingly.</p>
<p>Legacies no longer have a huge advantage (even the rich ones). I can’t tell you how many MANY phone calls my alma mater had to make to alum whose children were being turned down or waitlisted. Or to parents of current students who had siblings that were not accepted.</p>
<p>I have learned to reach out to parents on CC and ignore a lot of the students (many of whom don’t know any more than what they’ve learned from other wannabe students). The parents tend to be more grounded, more willing to share actual experiences, and more willing to send private messages when they have things to say they can’t share in public.</p>
<p>I have learned that no matter how much it costs - visiting the campuses is important. We had completely different opinions of certain schools once we saw them in person and interacted with the staff. “Must have” schools ranked lower, and some “off the radar” schools shot up in the ranking. </p>
<p>It’s about FIT for your specific child. And allowing the faculty to get to see your child in person. You don’t always need a hook. Sometimes a “hook” can just be that the faculty made a personal connection with your child. I watched how the staff and students reacted to my daughter’s presence on campus. Some immediately felt like she’d found a home and there was an instant connection. One school sent a follow-up letter to my daughter repeating that I shared a mutual interest with the interviewer. She got emails from faculty asking if she had questions about language, music or her sport. At another school, a teacher saw us peeking in the room, came out and quizzed my daughter about her travels so far and gave her tips for keeping everything straight when she got back to the hotel, then hugged her. That pushed those schools to the top of my personal list.</p>
<p>Other schools felt institutional where staff were cordial but for the most part acted like they were doing us a favor for showing up. </p>
<p>BUT - you also get to interview in private. You can ask a lot of questions and form your own opinions and be candid when asking about your son’s chances. I can tell you that having a motivated (non-pushy - but supportive) parent will enhance his chances over the tons of pushy “entitled” parents they see every day. </p>
<p>Lastly - this is a warm-up for college. They are ALL tough to get into unless they take 80% of the applicant. Even if they love your child at an interview - they are only one vote out of many and the answer could still be no. Always hedge “hard to reach” schools with some that are “within reach” and at least one that is “easier.” But DO NOT include ANY that your son is not passionate about. Because if he gets his last choice it still needs to be a choice he’d love. It has to be his decision to go or he’ll be miserable.</p>
<p>Remember, not all schools have the same requirements or personalities. Even schools of the same caliber (Exeter and Andover for instance) tend to take completely different types of students. </p>
<p>Listen carefully to how existing students talk about their schools (not aspiring students). Get a lot of viewbooks - especially if they have DVD’s. Pull up admin and student videos on YouTube to get a sense of the schools personality. </p>
<p>Then ask parents about their own process. I’ve made great friends here and it will make the transition easier for me now that I’m on the “other side” of the BS equation. It appears we’ve been on remarkably similar journeys.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<ol>
<li>Go to several schools and get a feel for the place. Websites are no match for an actual visit. </li>
<li>Use Boardingschool.com to get an idea of just how many schools there are in the country. If you only looked at this bulletin board you would think there are only 10 schools. Try to research what type of school would be a good fit (emphasis on art, music, as well as academics) as you select your list of schools.</li>
</ol>
<ol>
<li><p>Visit–being from the midwest the whole bs idea was very new. We made visits to 9 schools. If I new more, it would have been at least 15. Some schools we knew while we toured, they would not work for my d. Tour a variety of schools, big, small, medium, formal dress, casual dress, coed, single sex, rural, urban, etc. Ask the same questions at all the schools, go prepared.</p></li>
<li><p>Listen to your child. If they say no…drop it, dont try to change their mind, even if you LOVE the school.</p></li>
<li><p>Refer back to point 2, LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Keep your comments to yourself until after you have heard your child’s point of view. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>4 The most important–FIT. Be honest with yourself. After looking at viewbooks and internet, consider you kid. Where will they not just survive, but thirive. What are you looking for? ( My d loves structure, and adult interaction. She loves the more formal schools. I never knew how much she wanted sit down meals with adults. I learned much about my 14 year old during the process.)</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Interview everywhere and before you fill out a form. We visited schools in the summer and all parties involved knew that it wasnt the right fit, (the adcom gave me a list of places that she thought would be better for my kid) but interviewed my d for practice.</p></li>
<li><p>If you do your part, trust the process. The one school that didn’t select my d, truly wasnt the right fit and I thank them for their honesty. My d was hurt because it was her 2nd choice but she is only 14 and cant see the entire picture. Our first choice, where we thought she would fit best,( my d, my mom and myself) was the school that also picked her.</p></li>
<li><p>Show support for your child but dont be pushie. I’m a divorced parent and my recently widowed mom visited with us and the schools knew that my d had family support. We were honest and told the adcoms what we were looking for as an experience for my d.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Much appreciated information everyone! Thank you for the thoughtful entries. It can be quite overwhelming with all the late night talks etc. At the end of the day, I think much of what they are looking for is also subjective. Either a kid strikes them or not, and they use the information they have on paper to justify whether to accept them or not.</p>
<p>Every admissions officer will love your child and tell you how great your child will do at that school. Take it with a lump of salt. The aos are simply doing their job. And they are very good at it. It doesn’t mean your child will actually be accepted, or even waitlisted at that particular school.</p>
<p>Please make sure, your child, or as parent, you don’t fall in love with just one or two schools. Getting into some of the top BS seem to harder then getting into some of the top universities. Noticed, a lot of kids and parents fall in love with a specific school and get disappointed when they get wait listed or rejected. You and your kid need to keep your options open, until he/she gets accepted. After researching and visiting few BS, apply to the once your child feels good about. </p>
<p>We applied to quite a few BS and found that the best chances of getting FA are from schools that have the resources to tap larger endowments. We also experienced, more popular schools seem to have the most funds and seems easier to get FA. It seems harder to get FA from schools that have lower endowments. (This year, most school had less funds availabe for FA. Some school that have maintained higher % of FA, are cutting back on certain things at schools) </p>
<p>FA seems to be correlated with acceptance. It appears, when you request for a large FA, it seem to be more difficult to get accepted to a good BS school. (This is in contrary to what the school admission state).</p>
<p>Always apply to a few fall back or safety schools, so you dont get disappointed.</p>
<p>Also make sure you received good recommendations letters, and help your child in achieving higher SSAT score and maintaining his/her grades. Your child needs to be motivated and determined throughout this process. As a parent you need to be supportive always, hoping it will be a favorable response. Even if the out come turns out to be negative, in the end you need to pat your kid for all the efforts he/she put in, since they gained knowledge through this experience and matured to be better citizen. </p>
<p>It takes a lot of hard work (for your child) to get into a good BS. Competition is very very strong, and it seems to be getting worse each year. </p>
<p>Working hard, maintaining positive attitude, supporting your kids efforts, selecting and applying to the right BSs is the KEY TO SUCCESS.</p>
<p>There are more then 15 good BS to consider in US.</p>
<p>BEST OF LUCK</p>