Boarding schools you/child crossed off the list after visiting

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
141

<p>Thanks for restarting this thread, it’s very interesting. As an urban planner I find the school vs. academy discussion very interesting.</p>

<p>On the topic of schools crossed off the list, we visited several more schools than D intended to apply to so many were crossed off. I think the only two that were crossed off for reasons that we learned upon visiting the schools were Deerfield and Lawrenceville. </p>

<p>Deerfield - the campus is gorgeous and the tour guides were terrific, but the thing that turned us off was the overall atmosphere, as we experienced it in the admissions office. It was the only waiting room where we felt we had to whisper. The only easy reading material lying around was one copy of the front page (xeroxed) of the school paper, which recounted a very nasty battle over the dress code that ended with a fairly snotty quote from the head of school. It left the impression of being a tense place. </p>

<p>Lawrenceville - the main reason that D didn’t apply here was that she wasn’t fond of the house system, which was something that we had expected to like. However, I think the real turnoff was the cell phone use - many of the students we saw seemed buried in their phones or plugged into earbuds. On most other campuses we visited phones were not allowed and there was a lot more interaction on the paths etc. It made me think more about my own cell phone use in daily life! </p>

<p>It’s funny how these small impressions can have a lasting impact.</p>

142

<p>I suppose you need some way to narrow down your list, but be aware that the quality of the initial tour experience does not necessarily reflect what life at the school might be like or whether the school might be a good fit for your child. Sometimes you just get a bad tour guide. This can happen at any school, even at the one that would actually be the best for your child. It sounds like Famtree’ family did not click with their Exeter tour guide, but what if they had had a different tour guide? Maybe they would have left with the same feelings that they have for Choate. Having toured schools and then gone back for revisits after admission, we learned that the revisit gives you a much better feel for the school. Based on impressions from the initial tours, my daughter thought she knew which school she liked best and which she like least. After the revisits, her ranking of the schools flip-flopped. Her initial first choice fell down the list, her bottom choice moved up, and one that had been in the middle of the list shot up to the top. So, if the school on paper looks like it would be a good fit, be careful about ruling it out because of a disappointing initial tour or a weak tour guide. You might be ruling out the school that in the end would be the best one for your kid. There are lots of good reasons to rule out a school, but IMHO, the quality of the tour/tour guide is not one of them.</p>

143

<p>My son crossed Exeter off the list before we got back to the Admission’s Office from the tour. It was just one of those visceral “not for me” reactions, despite the greatness of the School. We apologetically declined the actual interview and left campus. Tours and/or tour guides (and weather etc) can have an outsized impact on an adolescent’s perception of “fit.” I think for my son, it just “felt” all wrong.</p>

144

<p>Taft. </p>

<p>The interview with the AO on campus was sour, if not awful. My son and I took about 12 tours of BS’s during our hunt a few years ago for the right prep school for him. No interview approached the poor reception we got at Taft. </p>

<p>Also, my son and I made appointments with one of the coaches. A couple of days before our visit to Taft, this coach agreed to chat with us at a certain time and place while we were on campus. We waited for him for nearly an hour. The Taft staff tried to reach him during that time. He never showed. He never got in touch with us after our visit. He never said he was sorry. Very bad form.</p>

<p>Too bad this trip went poorly because my son and I were predisposed to like Taft. One of my old friends graduated from it years ago, and a current college advisor at Taft used be one of my son’s wrestling coaches. </p>

<p>Oh well. Life is full of little disappointments.</p>

145

<p>Haha Taft is pretty bad at being on time for schedules. My skype interview was delayed for 24 hours! Good school, regardless.</p>

146

<p>Valley Forge Military Academy…our earthy hippy dippy son did not see the value, appeal or allure of that kind of structure. He made it clear that if he goes to prep school, the Quaker Schools (Westtown and George School) would suit him better.
Valley Forge was in the area while we were looking at the two so we stopped by. When he was younger he thought Camden Military was ‘cool’. Guess it was just a phase!
T</p>

147

<p>

</p>

<p>Perhaps, but first impressions count for a lot . . . and instincts trump statistics, as far as I’m concerned!</p>

<p>You just have to realize that these gut reactions are entirely individual . . . and in no way dictate the experience that another family might have. In our case, a close friend of my son’s visited School X and absolutely HATED it! And both he and his mother were able to explain, quite coherently, exactly what it was that they disliked so much. When my son and I visited, expecting the worst, we had absolutely the opposite reaction . . . we both fell in love with the place! Had my son been offered a spot there, he would have accepted in a heartbeat . . . and his friend never even bothered to apply.</p>

148

<p>My kid definitely had those strong first reactions, negative and positive, during school visits. However he still applied to all of the schools. Most of the vetting in our house happened before visits, by visiting websites and studying viewbooks. </p>

<p>And in an interesting twist, my son just spent a month at camp with a kid who goes to the school he liked least well when he visited. They got to be good friends and after hearing about the school first-hand, my kid (who likes his current school a lot) thinks it would have been a great fit for him after all–as we all thought after the original viewbook/website “tour.” So I’m a little more cautious about the usefulness of those gut impressions than I was a year or two ago. So much depends on the connection with the tour guide…and the weather!</p>

149

<p>I really like the notion an earlier poster had made…something like “the decision to cross schools off a list after a visit says more about the student/family than it does about the school”.</p>

<p>But I also support the idea that first impressions count. If a school rubbed me wrong on a visit, I didn’t hesitate to give it the “thumbs down” in our post-visit discussions. My wife and daughter generally shared the same feelings…there were no schools that my daughter wanted to apply to that my wife and didn’t support (though there may have been one that we wanted her to apply to that she was less interested in than the others).</p>

150

<p>I visited Kent with my younger son, and we were turned off by the obvious emphasis on athletics. It might have been appealing to some students, but not to him.Their athletic facilities were all state-of-the-art, while academic and artistic facilities seemed to be afterthoughts. Our tour guide also focused heavily on sports. My son was turned off by the overt religious messages at Portsmouth Abbey. I liked the sense of community they seemed to have, and drew very favorable impressions from the students and faculty, but he did not feel comfortable there. We visited Cambridge School of Weston with my older son, and loved the curriculum, but felt that its boarding facilities were lacking. We would have loved to have encountered a day school like that in our area. We visited Westtown and George on the same day, and thought they were very similar. My husband and I actually thought Westtown had a more attractive campus, but my sons (the younger one accompanied us while we brought the elder) both distinctly preferred George.</p>

151

<p>I had a bad experience with Lawrenceville. I still applied there, because it was close to my home, and my parents liked the close proximity.</p>

<p>First of all, my tour guide was a freshman, and she didn’t quite seem adjusted to the school yet. She talked about how she was homesick, and how the campus was big, etc. and that scared my parents and me. IMO, they should have upperclassmen doing the tours, as most schools do. They are more adjusted to the school, and can give a more comprehensive idea of what the school is like. Also, the campus was huge and empty-seeming, and the buildings were run-down. The dorms were bland and ugly, and most importantly, I felt no connection to the school whatsoever.</p>

<p>Secondly, my interview was VERY bad. The interviewer barely asked me any questions. Instead, they went on and on. It was very clear that they had a spiel prepared, and didn’t like me to interrupt. I couldn’t give the school a clear picture of who I am, because I couldn’t put a word in edgewise!</p>

<p>Lastly, my interviewer gave me the email of the dance director. After the interview, I went home and composed an email, telling him my experience with dance, what I hoped to get out of the program at Lawrenceville, asked questions, etc. He response was quite rude and condescending. He was very abrupt and dismissive with me.</p>

<p>My whole experience with Lawrenceville left me and my parents with bad tastes in our mouths. I ended up with a rejection, but I thought that was mutually beneficial. Needless to say, I will not be reapplying.</p>

152

<p>I’m often surprised when I read through threads like this at the powerful first impressions applicants and their families get from schools, maybe I lucked out with my tour guides or something, but I felt like I had a pretty good experience at PA, Middlesex, and Pingree.</p>

<p>I think I’ve had maybe 5 or 6 tours of Phillips, my first being at the end of 6th grade, which only happened because I knew a senior who went there who happened to be a tour guide who was willing to give me a tour of the school when I was too young to begin applying. I had spent my whole life driving past the school and I had always known I wanted to go there, and this tour made me even more excited.
My next tour was when I had actually began the application process, my mom wasn’t a huge fan of the tour guide, but I didn’t mind her. I just loved being able to walk around the campus again, and I already knew most of what she was telling me. I thought my interview there was fantastic, I was completely comfortable talking with my interviewer.
The next tours I had there were during various day student open houses and one by a college freshman who had just graduated whom I had met through a strange connection, during that tour I actually met this year’s school president!
My revisit day was also quite enjoyable, I’ve now become good friends with my great revisit day guide. I was in fact so excited for the revisit day I suffered from some insomnia the night before, and it ended up exceeding my extremely high expectations. The classes were truly wonderful.
Every experience I have had with Andover has been great, everyone I met there has been nothing but welcoming, friendly, and informative. I really could rave about it for pages, but I should be getting on to the other schools I applied to.</p>

<p>Middlesex had a gorgeous campus and the tour guide was very nice, but I just didn’t love it as much as Andover. I felt that the tour guide spent too much time and energy telling me about all the sports programs they had there while upfront I had mentioned I am not a very athletic person and did not have as much interest in sports as I did academics, which she barely covered at all. I actually liked the dorms very much, it sort of made me wish I could be a boarder.
The interview was nice, I had met the interviewer at my school’s secondary school fair so I already knew her a bit. I didn’t feel quite as comfortable as Andover, but it was very good none the less. I had to write a short essay after the interview, which I actually liked doing. My overall impression of Middlesex was nice, I would not mind going there if Andover didn’t work out.</p>

<p>I have to say I actually like Pingree for the some of the same reasons my friends hated it, I liked that it was all in that one building and I felt a strong sense of community there. Everyone was also very nice and welcoming and my tour guide was up to date on everything Pingree had to offer. I liked the layout and architecture of the school and how up to date on technology they were. I was enjoying Pingree very much until the interview.
This was by far my worst interview, the interviewer was incredibly condescending and sounded incredibly uninterested in anything I had to say. It felt awkward and I couldn’t wait to leave that room.
The interview didn’t turn me off that much though, because otherwise I had liked the school a lot, so I still applied there. I also applied for the Pingree Scholars Program, which gives you a considerable amount of financial aid, which I needed to attend there. I also applied for regular financial aid. I was a finalist in the Scholars Program, but I did not end up getting it, they also gave me no FA. They did send a very nice flashlight as an incentive for me to attend. It didn’t quite replace that FA I needed to go there though.</p>

<p>Wow this got quite long, but I hope this will help someone in their applications :D</p>

153

<p>I would have to second the experience above from ballerina22 on our visit to Lawrenceville. The younger lady in the admissions office was negative, told us to be sure to apply to other schools right off the bat before we even said a word, etc. etc. Came across as very uncaring, uninteresting, and unsupportive which turned us all off. We visited many schools and the overall attitude and feel at Lawrenceville left a very bad taste for us. Went from one of our desired schools to one we ruled out totally.</p>

154

<p>@ballerina22: read what you said about Lawrenceville earlier: “Lawrenceville is a very warm, friendly community that is completely un-intimidating.”</p>

<p>Are you sure that comment above is not just sour grapes?</p>

155

<p>^^I know 2 teachers at Lville quite well and they couldn’t be more personable, friendly or caring. There does seem to be some consistency to reports on CC that Lville doesn’t do as well as they could at the point of admission, but that doesn’t necessarily correlate to the community experience once you’re there in any way. I’d say given what people have reported here, expect the Jersey treatment in the application stage, but if you’re offered admission, go back and look again with a fresh eye!</p>

156

<p>EnemyOfTheSun - I knew that comment would come back to bite me :slight_smile: I had heard about lurking admission officers, and I was still hoping for an acceptance to any school, so I exaggerated my experience there. What I said above was a much, MUCH more accurate representation of my actual experience.</p>

<p>PelicanDad - Lawrenceville is a great school, and I have two friends that go there and love it. I just didn’t feel it was the school for me :)</p>

157

<p>DD had only one other classmate interested in boarding school. My D had an excellent experience at each interview and the process only made her more excited. Her classmate interviewed at Lawrenceville and was completely turned off by a rude interviewer and didn’t end up applying. She ended up at an elite day school nearby.</p>

158

<p>Hi there.
Thanks for this post. You bring up something I’ve wondered about: the different policies each bs has for their students going off campus. I realize “living” at school could get old fast if kids can’t get away every so often. And the sandwich place across the street or down the road to the CVS isn’t really my concern. What has me worried are the posts I’m seeing by students- commenting about driving “into town” for house parties, or even taking the train into Boston, NY etc to party or “go out” w/ friends for the wknd. Some mention they are heading there w/ fellow bs students but all seemed to be implying that they were doing so without school involvement, chaperones or parental supervision. I realize kids who grow up in the city do this quite often and don’t think anything of it. Our dc has traveled the world with us and been to more big cities here and abroad than I ever thought possible at such a young age. But solo? No. </p>

<p>Except maybe senior year, the idea of our kid doing any of these things (at the ripe old age of 14, 15, 16) would not be acceptable to us at bs any more than we would be okay with dc driving with a friend to SF (near where we live) and going out for the evening. Nor would riding around to parties in our own town. Especially if we don’t know the kids he may be driving with or who it is actually hosting the house party, which obviously would be a luxury we wouldn’t have if dc were away at bs. </p>

<p>We are hardly strict parents and we trust our kid based upon the good and safe choices made thus far. But is it true that any of these schools let teenagers go unsupervised to cities like Boston or NY on the wknds? The whole thing is truly a concern for us, being on the west coast and knowing we wouldn’t be able to monitor this sort of thing- or able to be there if an emergency arose. (Or if dc was put in a position where they didn’t feel safe, and wanted to leave the situation they found themselves in). Obviously we have that luxury at home but not so at bs so this is why we were looking for a school that had the kind of “off campus” policy you seem to describe at Exeter. Love the idea of the “passenger/ car policy” you mentioned there. All for it.</p>

<p>Will try searching the threads for this topic again but could you possibly expand on your earlier comment? Thanks for any help you can offer!</p>

159

<p>I can’t figure out where that comment was! But I can definitely give you some insight into Exeter’s policies about students leaving school grounds.</p>

<p>Students are allowed to freely roam the Exeter area (surprisingly wide–extends all the way to the beach). However, they have to do it on foot or by bike unless specifically permitted by a parent. And there are things that parents can’t even grant permission for…like I don’t think my kid can be driven anywhere by an underage driver while school is in session. As a parent, I can give a whole range of permissions, from none at all to allowing my kid to take the train to Boston without my permission for a day trip. However, he would still need to get a dean’s permission to do that on any given week-end by filing out an “out of town.” Even leaving campus with a grandmother or a parent of a student requires signed invitations and permission from all adults involved.</p>

<p>In short, it’s pretty darn complicated and frankly, the whole thing seems to keep my kid at school–he either forgets to turn his permssions in on time or just can’t be bothered and stays in Exeter. We just went through the whole process to get him to a sports camp one week-end–and it required, in the end, I think about ten signatures from teachers, parents, deans, friend at the dorm where he’ll be spending a night… Honestly, I think they are WAY more restricted and protected than they would be at home. And violating the rules has much more serious consequences…</p>

<p>Hope that helps!</p>

160

<p>@goforprep,

It’s funny that this issue wasn’t even on our radar until it was raised by DS’s alum interviewer. Right after the interview, the alum said to DS in front on me:</p>

<p>“you need to make friends with the day students with the cars”
– wink, wink… </p>

<p>Yes, the alum ACTUALLY did the exaggerated winking in front of me.</p>

<p>That’s when this parent immediately mentally crossed that school off the list and crossed off all BS w high day school populations.</p>