Boarding schools you/child crossed off the list after visiting

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>@goforprep,</p>

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<p>Complicated topic. Schools have policies to regulate when, and with whom, students may leave campus. Parents can set up permissions with the Dean’s office at the beginning of the school year. Do you want to allow your child to ride with any faculty member? Any licensed adult? May other parents drive your child? Do you want to be called each time, to give permission on a case-by-case basis? These permissions can be adjusted as the year proceeds.</p>

<p>It’s tempting to say, “no, absolutely not, my child may never leave campus without my express permission.” The trouble with restricting permissions too far is that your child may then not be able to visit a museum with a teacher and a few friends. The quick study break trip to the ice cream shop may be out of bounds because it’s across town lines. He won’t be able to visit a friend at home, because he can’t accept a ride from the friend’s mother.</p>

<p>At many schools, students have free range within a certain distance of campus. Our oldest child can roam around the little downtown near school. This liberty is usually used to get coffee at Starbucks, or ice cream at Coldstones. For trips outside of the permitted range, students need to get permission from a faculty member on campus. There is usually a faculty member appointed to allot permissions. The name of this faculty member is listed on the school calendar. If we take a child out to lunch, that child has to sign out and in, after securing permission. </p>

<p>This is getting long, so I’ll break it up.</p>

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<p>Schools may arrange trips to the mall, movie theaters or to the city on weekends. Teens “going out to the movies/mall/city with friends” may be neglecting to mention the school minibus and accompanying teacher. I am concerned to hear that students are posting about going to house parties. The consequences for boarding students can be severe. </p>

<p>Students may invite each other home for the weekend, but there’s a system of formal invitations and paperwork which must be filed. At our oldest child’s school, we must give permission for our child to visit friends, and the friend’s parents must extend an invitation as well. Very important point!! Boarding students who leave campus are still subject to school disciplinary code. School handbooks make interesting reading. Many are available online. Try googling “(school name) handbook,” or “(school name) disciplinary committee.” A peculiar feature of many schools’ codes is that it’s much worse to lie about an infraction than to commit the infraction. </p>

<p>I don’t know if boarding school students have more or less freedom than their friends who remained at home. On the one hand, they are not under their parents’ direct supervision. On the other hand, their lives are governed by a host of rules and regulations which don’t apply to life at home.</p>

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<p>“But is it true that any of these schools let teenagers go unsupervised to cities like Boston…”</p>

<p>Isn’t this one of the “pros” of going to Andover?</p>

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<p>I suppose it depends on what level of permissions the parents sign off on. As far as catching a ride in a car with a day student…the times, they have a changed. Every school I know of considers day student cars completely off limits to boarding students and that falls under the “breaking a major school rule” category. I assume that no school is willing to assume the liability of teenage drivers.</p>

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<p>The kids find it attractive for a BS to have proximity to a city. **What are the parents’ thoughts on this? **</p>

<p>Does proximity to a city increase the attractiveness of a BS to you (i.e. access to transport links for getting home during breaks; access to shopping for supplies; access to social/cutural activites)? </p>

<p>Or does proximity to a city spell trouble…</p>

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<p>I think it’s attractive, although I never let my kids leave town without written permission. There were some really good faculty chaeroned field trips to both New York and Boston. I also appreciated the proximity to major medical centers, although thankfully they were never needed.</p>

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<p>@baystateresident, some schools permit day students to transport boarding students, with appropriate permission:</p>

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<p>Choate, <a href=“http://www.choate.edu/students/pdf/studenthandbook.pdf”>http://www.choate.edu/students/pdf/studenthandbook.pdf&lt;/a&gt;, p. 25.</p>

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<p>Phillips Academy, [Phillips</a> Academy -](<a href=“http://www.andover.edu/Parents/Pages/ParentsFAQ.aspx]Phillips”>http://www.andover.edu/Parents/Pages/ParentsFAQ.aspx)</p>

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Deerfield Academy, [Leaving</a> Campus Deerfield Academy](<a href=“http://deerfield.edu/the-guide/rules-and-expectations/leaving-campus/]Leaving”>http://deerfield.edu/the-guide/rules-and-expectations/leaving-campus/)</p>

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<p>@goforprep, the parents above gave you good answers. Various boarding schools with which I am familiar require explicit permission from parents on what is to be allowed regarding going off campus. If some areas of town are allowed without this permission, the school is usually very, very clear on that. Who your child is allowed to get in a car with (day student, parent, faculty, etc) is also something which the parents are asked to specify. There are, of course, state laws which, even if a parent were to give permission, disallow new drivers to have other kids in the car.</p>

<p>For Blair, going to the small adjacent town is allowed, which is walking distance away (but not by car, unless the parent gives permission). Even then, it is only within certain hours…students are still required to be in the dorm by certain times, attend study hall and their usual obligations, etc. Other than that, the student must abide by the parameters that the parent has set in writing, and even then, it cannot be a ‘closed weekend’, and various permissions must be attained by the student each time. We feel very, very comfortable with the system. I would imagine that the boarding schools would be loathe to invite any unnecessary legal risk on this issue, as these are minors, after all.</p>

<p>As far as the question about how parents feel about the boarding school being near a large city, that is probably a personal issue, but I’ve found this is far less of a concern than one might imagine. Blair is 65 miles from NYC, but kids cannot just go off to the city. Leaving campus is subject to all of the limits outlined above, including parent permission. That said, there are chaperoned trips by the teachers to see a play, go to museums, etc, which make for a fun and enriching weekend. It has been a strong plus.</p>

<p>I know, because I was once in your shoes, that for parents who do not yet have a child attending boarding school, these issues can be worrisome, because your imagination can run rampant and you just don’t yet know what to expect or how the system works. In reality, it has been far more tame and subject to many checks and balances. I wish I hadn’t worried. When you visit schools, ask some questions on these points. I think you will be reassured.</p>

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<p>Thanks to everyone for putting so much thought into answering my questions about off campus policies. Lots of useful info and many great suggestions! *BRILLIANT: Googling the misc. schools to see if their current handbooks are avail online. </p>

<p>Along w/ the added bonus of having an airport offering daily x-country flights, our family would actually embrace a school that was near enough to a major city that it afforded school/ faculty sponsored trips to attend events, performances and the like. From what I’ve gathered here: how much off campus access you allow for your child is directly related to the same personal restrictions you might impose were they still living at home. Makes sense and I like it. Thanks everyone for the speedy reply on this!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the terrific detailed info/ links for specific schools! Super helpful!</p>

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<p>That actually was the policy you had mentioned that caught my eye so thank you for giving even more details about it. I agree with everything you said and figure that even if it may seem more restrictive (in some ways) than we ever would be with our kid here at home, it does seem to serve a purpose and appears to do what’s needed to keep the kids safe and doing what they should be doing at school. Thanks again for the info!</p>

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<p>Excellent info and advice! Appreciate it.</p>

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<p>Wow! Can’t imagine what that alum was thinking but clearly your good fortune that he was such a moron. Made it easy to make a big red mark through that school! Thanks for sharing.</p>

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<p>This probably goes on a different thread, but in terms of reducing the potential for kids to get into dubious situations I actually give the edge to boarding school and here’s why:</p>

<p>At boarding school everyone has to live by the same rules.</p>

<p>My D is only in 9th grade so what do I know, but what I’ve heard so far from parents of her contemporaries in day school is that they spent a lot of time on weekends managing the issue of what their kid is allowed to do vs. what their friends are allowed to do. And when their kid says they’re going to “a party” there’s a lot of discussion about calling the parents, what kind of supervision there is, etc. </p>

<p>Now, I’m not naive and I realize that there are many illicit activities that happen in boarding school, and also that some of this is “out of sight out of mind”, but I do think it’s a benefit not to have to grapple with different kids being subject to different rules. </p>

<p>On the topic of driving, etc, this is one reason that I found SPS attractive since it’s 100% boarding and this is a non-issue. I had some concerns about schools that had large day student populations and this was one of the reasons. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker, but I do prefer the full boarding population.</p>

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<p>Periwinkle- the language in the different school handbooks is really interesting! They seem to be leaving themselves a little wiggle room. I like the part about “In rare cases, the form dean may grant permission…” In our six years of experience, the form dean always said “No!” Agree with the point that it is much easier to control what is going on with your teenager when everyone is held to the same boarding school rules.</p>

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<p>@friendlymom, you touch on one of the greatest things that I, as a parent, have appreciated about boarding school. There is no ‘aw mom, but everyone else’s parents are allowing them to (fill in the blank)’…and no wondering what percentage ‘everyone’ might actually be. It makes things so much easier…both for the parents and the kid. Easier for the parents because there is no arguing. Easier for the kid, because the system is clear, fair, and applies to everyone. A time for class. A time for sports. A time for study. A time for bed. </p>

<p>As the kids get older, many boarding schools relax some of these rules to provide for a logical transition to college, but even then, each successive grade has its own cohesive rules.</p>

<p>Partly because of the above, I too had a strong preference for a high percentage of boarders. It does make a difference, especially if home is not within easy striking distance for your boarder. This actually became one of my very few ‘must haves’…at least 75% boarding, with no ‘emptying out on weekends’ as local boarders go home.</p>

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<p>Yes, even if you are dating Taylor Swift you still have to be in the dorm by curfew time:
[Taylor</a> Swift and boyfriend Conor Kennedy: Is high school keeping them apart? - Cleveland Celebrity Headlines | Examiner.com](<a href=“Examiner is back - Examiner.com”>Examiner is back - Examiner.com)</p>

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<p>LOL, GMTplus7!</p>

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<p>As counter-intuitive as it might seem, BS students actually have far less opportunity to engage in behavior that can land them in trouble. Since the majority of BS’s have Saturday classes, Friday night is really off the table; it is like any other school night with sports and homework obligations. Saturday is really the only night that these students are free. Most schools have a scheduled Saturday night activity such as a dance, bonfire, skate or barbecue in the nicer weather. The vast majority of 1st and 2nd year students attend these activities, and then it’s back to the dorms for socializing, videos and “feeds”.
As a parent, I am much more comfortable with this slate of activities than the usual unsupervised hanging in friends’ basements that was the norm in middle school.</p>

<p>My observation is that the 3rd year in BS can provide some temptation. They are a bit jaded by the on-campus activities and are looking for alternatives for Saturday night. Senior year it seems they are so occupied with college visits and applications that there just isn’t any time to find trouble. I feel that in general the BS’s do a very good job of keeping these students engaged. This helps minimize the opportunity for risky behavior.</p>

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<p>Exactly. Last week DD told us that she had spent Saturday night at the headmaster’s house, eating poppyseed cake and playing Apples to Apples. I can live with that.</p>