<p>S1 was dx ADD over a year ago, had the whole crash-and-burn crisis, etc.... Things are better now. BUT he has 4 weeks to go in this semester (he's taking classes p/t and working p/t) and a giant part of one class grade is a paper that the professor hasn't graded/ hasn't posted. A majority of his grade depends on the paper (which I read, which seemed very good although I know zero about the subject) and he's getting increasingly distracted by the anxiety of not knowing. (I am completely distracted by it!) His ability to continue depends on doing well enough in this class. Which depends on the paper. Which we don't know about. It's the wash and rinse cycle of nail biting at our house. Without the paper added into his grade, quizzes are killing him. (Which I know is his responsibility, etc. etc.)</p>
<p>I don't want Prof to give him a pass, or feel sorry for all he's been through. (Okay, I'd like a little sympathy, but I wouldn't ASK for it!). He did send her an email asking when the papers would be up (it's a web class) and she said within that week, which was a week ago. I read the email exchange myself, so I don't think this is a classic ADD diversionary story.</p>
<p>It would be bad for me to email her, wouldn't it? But I keep thinking that if she just knew how much is riding on this, she'd take pity on him and grade the @#$% papers. Why can profs do this? It was turned in a MONTH ago...Talk me down, talk me down...</p>
<p>I think you’d be doing your son a much better service by letting him manage this on his own. He’s not going to have you running interference for him when he’s in the working world - at least I hope not - so let him handle it. Self advocacy is so important! I can also tell you that some profs will respond VERY badly to parent contacts, and you’re risking causing trouble instead of helping with a resolution. He can choose to contact his prof again, or develop some ways to cope with the anxiety. Either approach is a win in terms of learning, really. I’d also suggest cutting down on your own nail biting…you might unintentionally be contributing to his anxiety. The two of you could be feeding off each other, and that’s never good. Take a deep breath so you can be the voice of reason. He’ll hear soon.</p>
<p>He doesn’t actually need that sort of help with his job – if there were grades in the real world for employees, he’d be an honor student —I completely agree that self-advocacy is really important. Except at 1am, when I am falling asleep and thinking craaazy helicoptering thoughts I appreciate the input from calmer minds. </p>
<p>We are new at finding the line between helping him manage his ADD and interfering and I am guilty of worrying more than he does, but I do try and keep it in my head. I listened a great deal to people who said we needed to let him manage only to discover that he is neurologically/chemically incapable of that, in some situations. It often reminds me of when kids learn to swim, that fine line between saying you’re okay, just keep moving and woah, that’s more like drowning.</p>
<p>I think learning to manage anxiety and uncertainty is a life skill especially needed by people with ADHD. Personally I think distracting oneself by engaging in other activities, ie. exercise, even napping etc. is a good approach. Ruminating on how critical it is to receive the grade, because one’s future depends on it is a not so good approach, it increases anxiety. We call it “awfulizing” making yourself crazy anticipating bad outcomes.</p>
<p>in the long run, you modeling managing through this uncertainty with patience and humor, is the best gift you can give your son.</p>
<p>as far as you contacting your college s’s professor, oh my, this not only will irritate the professor, but worse will undermine your s, he will see you acting on his behalf as if he is not capable. (I teach at a private LAC and if a parent contacts me I only respond to the student, as I don’t know if the student wants me to communicate with said parent)</p>
<p>12 days left in regular semester session, and still over 1/2 the grades for most of this 35-person class have not been entered. S1 emailed his classmates and more than one of them have also emailed the prof, politely asking about the holdup. At least 22 of them are also waiting for the majority of their grades to be posted. No response. He was going to try this week to see if he could reach someone higher up the food chain, and see if there’s any way to light a fire under the prof. (But I didn’t call anyone! Or email! )</p>
<p>His advisor sent S1 the professor grievance form, which S1 is foregoing until class ends next week. He sent the professor another email and today, with 5 days to go in the class, she finally posted the missing grades. It puts him just on the right side of the razor’s edge , with 3 more assignments to go. We can see now why it took so long---- the paper is very densely annotated with a bazillion constructive criticisms — which of course are less useful now than they would have been 4 weeks ago, but oh well.</p>
<p>greenbutton~our gifted daughter was diagnosed at the beginning of her senior year of hs with ADHD and anxiety and the last 3 years have been an extraordinary exercise in patience, frustration and learning. A few administratively weak college professors have added to the difficult experience. </p>
<p>Resist the temptation to step in and contact your son’s professors. He needs to learn to manage himself. It is really important to find a good ADHD coach, anxiety therapist, and to have him actively working with disability support services at school. Our daughter has made some great strides though she has far to go. She has been in college for 3 years and has more than a full 2 years to go.</p>
<p>Our son is about to enter college. He suffers from ADD but doesn’t have the anxiety piece and manages his self quite well. He is going off to study engineering and we think he will do just fine.</p>
<p>Thanks grandscheme…S was dx about 2 years ago as he entered his senior year of college. Disability services denied any and all requests for assistance; they couldnt/wouldn’t do a thing until a very large battery of tests was completed and papers done to their satisfaction. His neuropsych tests were quite conclusive, done at the facility the school uses over the months he had withdrawn from school, but the report was the “incorrect format” . The neuropsych team said completing the rest of the required testing included tests they do not endorse and will not administer. The other thing the university wanted was reports from “prior to age 8” supporting the dx, but there are none.
All this for extended test time and isolated location. So we gave up.</p>
<p>No coaches in the area, no ADHD specialists who would see a new patient. He does see his psychologist since he’s on Stratttera, but that’s only every 10 weeks. One said she could put him on a waitlist that might empty out in 9 months. Campus had a support group that folded. S did eventually hook up with a short term support group this fall, which was quite useful for him emotionally. If he passes this class, he will have 3 left to go, and he is working quite successfully, too. Downside is he’s here at home, which I know is not his first choice but he decided it would get results.</p>
<p>An ungraded paper handed in four weeks earlier is inexcusable, grounds for a grievance, and perhaps also call from student’s parent to academic dean or equivalent (not professor) to express “concern” if this occurs at an expensive private LAC or university. These schools pride themselves in their responsive faculty:student relations. Faculty needs to be held accountable too. If this is a large university with a large enrollment in online class, I think it gets more complicated, but the delay in receiving instructor feedback is still inappropriate, and it should still be flagged with administrators. It sounds like student’s advisor agrees, and has provided a grievance form.</p>
<p>The paper also had two due dates: one in the syllabus and one that appeared in the online class management system. After my son and many others pointed out the difference, the professor first clarified the due date to a single student in a private email who posted that email to the class discussion site, which prompted the IT TA assigned to the section to offer that she had changed the date by mistake (something TAs are specifically not allowed to do)and hadn’t been told to change it back so she hadn’t, which prompted the professor to email the whole class to say she would accept the papers until the later date with prejudice. 4 days to go. He already filled out the grievance form, and I am glad I stayed out of it.</p>
<p>It’s really great that your son is learning the grievance process, which seems very warranted in this case. I can’t STAND it when teachers don’t give prompt feedback. It undermines the potential for learning and improving. But glad Son is handling this himself; good for him! </p>
<p>What my dd’s college is doing to help is that her Academic Support Services person registers my dd, taking into account the particular professors. The Academic Support Services person knows which profs. are a better fit for students with learning issues. </p>
<p>Wow, 3 courses to go! Congrats! I’m just curious, since my dd is only a freshman, but looks to be on a 5-6 year plan; how long has it taken your son to get through college?</p>
<p>Well, there’s a loaded question He took what ended up being an entire year ( 2 full semesters) off as a withdrawn student, which freezes your gpa, etc… He had a choice of withdrawing for longer and that would erase his gpa, but ultimately decided against it and when he returned it was as a p/t student, not full time. So we’re looking at 6 calendar years. Part of that is not the classroom failures, he also changed his major.</p>
<p>Our DD tanked her first semester (ended up with one C, two withdraws and one incomplete which was later removed because it took her a year to finish the work and by then the professor was gone). She took some online courses from home in which she did poorly. Took a class at the local CC which was an ordeal and in which she got a C. </p>
<p>She was out for three full semesters-we wouldn’t let her go back until she had proven she was ready. She then took two courses back at her “real” school. </p>
<p>She didn’t quite pull off proving academically that she was ready but we were fairly certain she had matured some and would not get in to as much of the “social” trouble she had so she went back for her first full semester now, in what should actually be spring of her junior year. She has enough credits to be a first semester sophomore. She only took four courses this term to ease back in slowly. At this rate, she may take at least 6 years. And that is only if she has no more setbacks.</p>
<p><em>doingthehappydance</em> Got a B on the paper! Got the final grades he needed in ALL THREE classes so it’s onward to another (hopefully final) semester! :)</p>
- so let him handle it. Self advocacy is so important! I can also tell you that some profs will respond VERY badly to parent contacts, and you’re risking causing trouble instead of helping with a resolution. He can choose to contact his prof again, or develop some ways to cope with the anxiety. Either approach is a win in terms of learning, really. I’d also suggest cutting down on your own nail biting…you might unintentionally be contributing to his anxiety. The two of you could be feeding off each other, and that’s never good. Take a deep breath so you can be the voice of reason. He’ll hear soon.</p>
etc. is a good approach. Ruminating on how critical it is to receive the grade, because one’s future depends on it is a not so good approach, it increases anxiety. We call it “awfulizing” making yourself crazy anticipating bad outcomes.</p>