My essay sounds really “off” and not good at all. I’ve been trying to fix it but i just made it worse. Can you please take a look at it and give a honest opinion?
In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.
I believe Boston University would be a perfect fit for me. It includes all the features I am looking for in an educational institution. As a psychology Major, I am intrigued by the phenomenal curriculum the department of psychological and brain Sciences has to offer. Specifically, I am fascinated by Boston university’s focus on conducting research within the brain. By transferring to Boston university, I know I can gain an immense amount of experience in the field in preparation for graduate school.
It’s nice, but you might want to be more specific… I was accepted to BU (definitely won’t attend; their financial aid package was so horrible: only consisted of federal loans and grants woth $11k)…
Here’s my essay for a comparison:
Note that I slapped this thing up in like two minutes because I just didn’t care about BU.
"
I took an astronomy class with Professor Andrew West through Boston University’s edx platform, BUx. I must
guiltily utter that I truly enjoyed his teaching style, which set my first impression of your noble institution.
Seeking to pursue an MD, I find your “Early Assurance Program” to be very desirable. I would likely be able to focus
more heavily on gaining research experience during my undergrad years, if I were guaranteed provisional
admissions into a medical school.
The culture in the greater Boston region seems very relaxed, as well.
"
I was just honest in the essay.
I just gave 3 reasons why I wanted to go to BU. Each reason had its own paragraph.
Compendious writing.
Which part should I be more specific on, or be more specific just in general?