<p>Can you guys please read my response and tell me how it sounds? its over by 10 words for now before I reedit it. I'm applying as a transfer.</p>
<p>As a transfer, options are already limited from getting into the school you want to receiving financial aid. I personally didn't want being a transfer to not let me get to my dream school. Boston University is a college that I believe is the perfect fit for me because of the variety and diversity it has in every aspect. Being from California, I have always wanted to live on the east coast in a city with a skyline and Boston is the perfect place. I dream to be a physician one day and with BU’s school of Medicine so close, I can gain experience and secure internships which will prepare me for my future when I attend Medical School. Most schools don't offer Merit Awards to transfers whereas BU provides many paths to receive aid. Being a student who spent most of her time abroad after high school and learning to strive both academically and intellectually as an individual, mixing with a assortment of students will open up various opportunities both inside the classroom and out. Studying 3 years outside of the US has accustomed me to how they teach internationally and BU will show me to learn and comprehend in a fashion I am unacquainted to by giving me a chance to view things alternatively.
Lastly, I hope to use every moment of every day to be working towards a goal by taking advantage of the resources and knowledge that is spread upon campus. I hope to give back to BU as much as it has to offer me.</p>
you think it would be neat to live on the east coast
you know BU has a med school</p>
<p>Perhaps start by changing your opening sentence. It may be true, but maybe not the wisest to tell a school you want to go there primarily because they give you money. To cut words, remove the sentence about California. BU is pretty clear in all their presentations that they want to know why you want to be at BU, not why you want to be in BOSTON. It almost seems like it could have been written about any college, with the college name substituted across many essays.</p>
<p>And, many schools have internships and connections. Try to find something special and unique about BU that you can reference. Revisit their website and their brochures.</p>
<p>Finally, please have an English teacher proofread and help you structure your sentences, phrases and capitalization. ie BU School of Medicine is capitalized; medical school and merit awards should not be.</p>
<p>My $.02: I agree, no mention of aid or scholarships here. </p>
<p>Be sure not to make statements the could just as easily be applied to another school (Tufts, BC, NEU, etc. ) or even schools in another city (New York, DC, LA). Give them something specific that ONLY BU can provide you with. “I want to major in biology and hope to have an opportunity to assist in the cutting edge gene therapy research in Professor Smith’s lab.” Whatever it is, they want to hear something that is unique to BU. </p>
<p>Put another way, this is where you show them that you’ve done some homework on their school. </p>